Finally, figured out what was wrong with my game... you *have* to sleep at night.
Now some of you may think that's a big "DUH!", but as someone who likes to be efficient, one of the first things I did was check to see if I could do stat-gaining actions at night. (you can, and then its morning the next day) And if your choice is between gaining +1 int or nothing.. might as well take the intelligence.
And if you do that for too long through the quests, even if you sleep after you've become stuck, the shower scene won't trigger.
So to progress, you have to sleep at night. Regularly. From the start.