SoaringClouds

Member
Nov 27, 2022
109
156
The dialogue doesn't make any sense. Dan sends a picture of Evelyn fucking someone else, and the MC never brings it up. He doesn't confront her about it at all when it should have been the very first thing he mentioned the next time he talked to her. It just doesn't make any sense. The explanation that it's edited from Dan later doesn't mean he wouldn't have brought it up with Evelyn first. It should at least be an option to bring it up at the very least.

Also, after Dan sends the blowjob picture, my Gallery broke and nothing shows up anymore. It's completely blank.

Edit: After getting another picture, it comes back. There must just be some sort of error in the code during that period of time.

Another thing I noticed, Tiffany never sent the final promised photo of Evelyn with Ryan. Irritating, lol.
 
Last edited:

SoaringClouds

Member
Nov 27, 2022
109
156
This is promising, but I feel like it would be better to be given the choice of whether or not the Player wants to go down the sharing path. There was no inclination the MC was into sharing his GF with others until it was basically forced on him. That lack of agency is annoying.

I know it's a kinetic novel style, but it feels too forced. I think the story would be better if it wasn't kinetic and a choice was there. There's a unique story here that has a perfect setup already: NTR with "edited" photos. It feels like a missed opportunity.

The way I would do it is have the MC make a deliberate choice between actually wanting to share and keeping it as a fantasy. If the MC chooses to keep it as a fantasy, then Dan and/or others could send him edited photos with the MC's permission, but the catch is that they're actually real. The FMC would be trying to hide her cheating and lying to the MC, and the MC would think his "friends" are doing him a solid by fueling his fantasy.

I haven't seen any other stories do anything like that before, and it has a chance to set this story apart in that way. And all the building blocks are already in place.
 

Napalm12

Member
Sep 23, 2022
113
225
Chat Noir v0.0.10

Win/Mac/Android:

Saves from developer:
 
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