Just to draw a last conclusion from your statements, I get the inevitable and paradoxical impression, that in such a bdsm realtionship a sub is much more in control and much safer than in a "real" natural normal relationship with a partner. He isn't in control there, think alone about being cheated upton, being lied to being broken up with. This is terror compared to this well regulated chosen life within BDSM. Or think about NTS as portraid here in some games. No comparison - here the MC surrenders himself to the partner, looses control for real.
- Thread starter Little Glass Interactive
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- Jul 12, 2020
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Eeehh...one could say yes...and no. Yes, because the amount of trust and respect is greatly magnified compared to a normal relationship. It has to be (especially the trust aspect) given what can/does/may happen within any specific relationship between a dom and a sub. it truly is a beautiful thing, difficult to ever really describe the feeling for both partners, the sub, in completely letting go, allowing themselves to be at the complete mercy and trust of their dominant knowing they will keep them safe and for the dom, knowing the sub is trusting you enough to do just that and give you that power/control.
On the flip side, there are many, many fakes, pretenders, wannabes and quite frankly dangerous people about (often with bad intentions). Now one could argue that also isn't much different to a normal relations, you never truly know who you are getting involved with to begin. However, in the realms of BDSM, you can see how it could end up much worse, for subs (and doms alike, I personally knew a dom who got stitched up by an unbalanced sub). While I will constantly (and continue) to bemoan and belittle the very huge amount of (so-called) doms in the scene who for sure, are definitely not dominants, there are equally just as many (especially over the last 10 years imo) of subs who also, have no place in the scene and should be nowhere near it. Subs who will do anything just for a little validation, coming off abusive relationships, bad childhoods, voilent pasts etc etc. In terms of meeting new potential partners, it's just as bad if not worse than 'normal'...dating and meeting people these days is just a shit show heh, but that's probably another debate heh.
However, yes, back to your comment, with the right partner, I would say they are yes...but that degree takes time and a lot of trust. Why I will never agree with 'play dates'.etc etc...that's just a bit of kinky sex (again, refer to my earlier comment) and certainly not something you should even be considering with someone you barely know. You cannot possibly...ever trust someone so quickly. I personally never do anything BDSM related (pyschological aspect aside) with someone before 3-6 months. Ever. It's a hard limit of my own (obviously, depending if you knew them before from friends...or depending on how often you speak/see each other this timeframe varies) as you cannot possibly trust or respect someone enough to get involved in kink with them before this.
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There is no paradox, bdsm for a sub is about surrendering control within certain safe limits. That's it. U can have an extreme 24/7 bdsm lifestyle but safewords are needed to keep both parties safe . U are confusing slavery with bdsm where there is actual complete loss of freedom and giving up control. Bdsm is all about dominating and being dominated in a safe , controlled environment. Its about having the ability to say no when required, something which is not available in slavery .It isn't more safe or less safe compared to vanilla relationships . It's different. Think about couples in sharing or swinging relationships. What separates them from ntr or cheating ? The fact that both parties are aware of each other's sexual encounters and consent to it. The moment one party tries to hide something from the other , it's no longer a swinging relationship. It is cheating or ntr . Similar the moment there is no safeword or limits, bdsm and slavery almost overlap with each other
Of course it is paradox if you manage to view it once from outside of your system of rules. You didn't get my point: From the outside (and let me tell you, for this perception expertise plays no role, but common sense does) BDSM, a sub/dom relationship promises giving up control, risking something leaving your boring secure normality - if you accept it or not, this is how people view it, this is its appeal. For me personally there would be no other reason even to think about doing it if i would think about it. Whereas a normal relationship is supposed to be about trust and love and safety. This is simple common sense. The paradox is, that in reality it seems the other way around if we follow these rules you talk about. Normal relationships have no contracts, no safewords. You are constructing a safe space which doesn't exist for normal relationships. The trust you claim you have in BDSM secured, you can only hope for in normal relationship, but you can't rely on it, we see it daily. Everything depends upon emotions. You have nothing under control in normal relationships. Everyday your spouse can come home and say it's over. You can't even rely on her being in the mood for sex - which you can be sure you get in one form or the other (even denial is a sexual act) within BDSM. So don't tell me it isn't paradox. The trust you have to have in your partner is totally unregulated, uncontrolled and way more risky, with real life consequences. And in that sense, this could be more entertaining to view than a well regulated BDSM relationship. Any cuck, to take my NTS example, has surrendered himself more to his girlfriend than any sub in the BDSM you describe. She can destroy him tomorrow.
And I intended to let it go earlier, but because you again claim that I want slavery: Of course not. Firstly I talk about what I want to watch not what I want in real life. And, second, you confuse risk with slavery. You confuse freedom with having control. You can always leave, but you don't have everything under control in life, but you are not a slave therefore. Being unsafe is not being unfree, in the contrary. Of course Cindy in this case could ALWAYS leave again if it is too much. So it's not slavery in this sense. It is subordination. If you youse constantly the word submission you have to give it a meaning. It is following orders. You shouldn't have to get to choose anymore, you shouldn't have to get to say no. But of course you have an exit option as always in modern societies. But for that you would have to break off the whole relationship. and guess what? That's the same with normal relationships: you get to a point where you have to be prepared to leave completely. This is what I would find more exciting for Cindy: she would have to go all in, and if she can't stand it in the end, she would have to leave the firm. End of it. Then you would have stakes at play, not if she could say no if she thinks a slap hurted too much or if she is not in the mood that evening.
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yeah no , I won't bother with explaining anymore to u
. There is a reason why safewords are used in bdsm. Try reading the books I have recommended to understand more about it .
- Jul 7, 2017
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Because it's not a true BDSM guide, but fictionalised version of BDSM. Even people who are in BDSM community have said that 50 Shades of Grey didn't do the right justice and that Christian and Anna are in toxic dominant-submissive relationship. The Dev of the game said that they want to make the game to have a realistic approach to BDSM hence the SAFE WORDS and AFTERCARE. The majority of porn games here have nothing to do with BDSM. It's obviously written without any knowledge of it. If the dev is not in BDSM, they at least research about it. I don't get this obsession over it.
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Not just me, but neither you, nor the others here. Only people who are in community and practice BDSM know about it. Read on BDSM Reddit about people's experiences which has nothing to do with books, movies, games. I said, that the Dev is researching about it a little, so they could be able to make the game. After all, they want to make a fun and sexy game not a slave trainer guide.
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U do know there is literally a genre of novels that involve "toxic bdsm relationships " . These are not examples of healthy bdsm relationships obviously
. I specifically recommended books that don't romanticize dubious consent , forced bdsm etc . Fifty shades of grey literally is a media which was not able to properly adapt bdsm and u are giving me random examples of bdsm based books which is clearly for a different target audience???
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I sincerely believe they just see chains , whips , bondage , gags and the word slave used and go " ooh bdsm!!! Kinky ! " while clearly ignoring the fact these devices have also been used in torture and mistreatment of several ppl .
Like I am really happy the devs are taking a lot of care in portraying a healthy bdsm relationship .
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Yup, 100% this. Sure, there's still things that are not ideal and missing but as said earlier, it's an AVN, you have to give some leeway given the media. I think they are doing a great job and I absolutely adore Ada...like her more than Cindy lol, she the embodiment of perfection as far as I'm concerned.
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If you want extreme and total power exchange relationships there are plenty of games where you can have that. This one is obviously written to be more realistic. There is literally no reason to argue. If you like apples, go eat apples. There's no reason to walk into a roomful of people eating oranges and arguing against them why they should be eating apples.
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True. There are so many rapey FMC games with blackmail, non consent etc. that this game is a breath of fresh air where FMC is treated with care and like a woman with her own feelings. In most games FMC is only a sex object.
any body else having the issue that the download get's catched by windows defender, saying there is a virus in it? Tried both mixdrop and gofile download and both got catched.
- Dec 11, 2022
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Yeah the concept of hard limits and soft limits is rarely used in bdsm games let alone in a market where most fmc games with bdsm throw away all the realistic stuff for bdsm like actual safewords or aftercare etc so I was intrigued and actually happy when such things were considered here .
See that's why I love cindy more than ada . Ada is already the perfect sub/dom, so in turn it's interesting and exciting to see how cindy is trained and turned into a perfect sub like ada but without having a dom side to her . The journey is more rewarding than the destination eh ??
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this is most likely a false positive that was going around a couple months ago! you can try making an exception for the app in windows defender to run the game!
i think for some demographics, seeing the part where the rules laid out and discussed takes away from the 'fantasy' of bdsm that they're used to seeing in porn/movies. it's like seeing the behind the scenes of a movie and watching the actors discuss the script and how theyre going to act/improvise the scene, and that potentially ruining the 'fantasy' of the movie itself
"wait, that giant lizard monster was just some guy in mocap suit???"
there's nothing wrong with people who'd prefer to only see that part of BDSM, but we want to also include the behind-the-scenes 'human' aspect of the lifestyle, since that's so rarely depicted in media, and even rarely in AVNs. we're so happy to see that there's plenty of people who are also interested in this, like you guys! <3
A lot of the statement are overly universalistic: this is culture not nature, and it doesn't start with mayflower and culminate in kink.com. A bdsm-tag doesn't necessarily imply the code-of-conduct listed on idk reddit, simply that the content has something within or around power, pain, bondage, etc. and irl most people into this or any other sexual interest don't intuituvely follow the pseudopsychological tautologies of ppl that've made a fetish part of their identity. Maybe it's that i'm low on caffeine but fuck, thhis thread was actually fun before the preachy shit escalated!
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If doms want to hurt you, they will hurt you anyway, even though you have so-called "safewords." So, the trust between Dom and Sub is more critical. If you don't trust the dom, don't go with them, no matter how many safewords they court you with. On the other hand, researchers recommend the "safeword" on formal occasions because of legal responsibilities. Still, many Subs dislike it because it enforces the sense of "controlling" that most Subs want to discard during the Dom/Sub activities. The best Dom/Sun relationship can be concluded as follows: the Dom knows the Sub very well, and they know where the boundaries are.
In the real world(beyond games and books), safeword might be given at the beginning, but TBO, both sides would prefer to forget it ASAP; the sign of a real healthy D/S relationship is that both sides no longer care about so-called "safewords." In many, many, many scenarios, you cannot use the safeword anyway, even if you have one. For example, you are gaged or bonded on the bed when your Dom is absent.
Establishing a Dom/Sub relationship is a pretty intricate and tedious thing in real life. We usually meet often and discuss our preferences and boundaries thoroughly BEFORE any action; it is much more helpful than "safeword" However, I never expect a game to depict those details. They are ...just too dull.
In the real world(beyond games and books), safeword might be given at the beginning, but TBO, both sides would prefer to forget it ASAP; the sign of a real healthy D/S relationship is that both sides no longer care about so-called "safewords." In many, many, many scenarios, you cannot use the safeword anyway, even if you have one. For example, you are gaged or bonded on the bed when your Dom is absent.
Establishing a Dom/Sub relationship is a pretty intricate and tedious thing in real life. We usually meet often and discuss our preferences and boundaries thoroughly BEFORE any action; it is much more helpful than "safeword" However, I never expect a game to depict those details. They are ...just too dull.
- Sep 22, 2024
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you make a good point that it's true that there's no 'official' rules in BDSM, it's up to everyone and their partner(s) to decide what it is that's comfortable with them!
ada not having a safeword is supposed to show off the level of complete trust she has in daniel, and to show how committed to the lifestyle she is! so much so that she's willingly 'thrown away the key', so to speak. of course, it's not REALLY the case. it's just not having the safeword just fully completes the fantasy of the master/slave dynamic! if ada was to show genuine distress at her situation, daniel would drop the pretense immediately for her. think of it as a 'nonverbal safeword'.
some people are uncomfortable with the idea, and we understand! its a balance we need to strike to keep the fantasy intact while still respecting the agency of the characters themselves. for ada and daniel, this is something they've built up over a decade of trust with each other, and fully negotiated and consensual. it's something they'd never consider doing with Cindy, considering she's still a novice (at this point in the story).
i think it's just that the negative version of BDSM gets depicted so often in fiction, as geigi says, that it gives a false impression of real life BDSM as this manipulative abusive process when it's not! so naturally, people are very passionate about the topic!
- Dec 11, 2022
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No a dom hurts u because u have given them permission and ur trust to hurt u.
U do know there are other actions such as shake head 4 or 3 times in a particular manner . Tap a surface 4 times etc for restrains , gags etc??
Look I am not going to continuously discuss this again and again, this is my final post about it and then I will discuss more about the games but the safeword isn't just a stop button for the sub. It's also essential for the dom to make sure they don't accidentally hurt the sub and also the sub doesn't overhelm a dom . It's just not about sex and pleasure in a 24/7 bdsm relationship. The safeword is totally necessary in such cases where either the sub or the dom has an off day, they have to make it clear to their partner and they need to take a break from the entire bdsm lifestyle for a period of time .
Like I sincerely recommend " the mistress " or "mistress bonita" to learn more about the bdsm rules mich may seem "dull", "not sexy", "boring" etc but they are vital in keeping both the dom and sub safe without also interfering in the trust of partners .
There are plenty of fmc VNs out there with the forced blackmail, corruption, mind control etc stuff which then continue into bdsm so I was personally glad some rules were mentioned here and the VN also plans to focus on the aftercare and rules in such a lifestyle. Of course a porn game wouldn't focus only on those stuff otherwise it will become boring no ??
Plus I want to give one final example use of a safeword which shows it's just not necessary for stopping the dom from applying too much pain but also to make sure not to trigger a sub psychologically . In a book , there is an older woman who blindfolded her sub for a session involving a cross and some chains. The sub had no hard or soft limits for blindfolds but the whole act suddenly triggered her ptsd about that time when she was partially blinded in a car accident due to the smoke and fire, she was immobilized because her legs were injured and because of this she started hyperventilating mid session. Of course the safeword was used and the dom and sub go through a healing journey and in the end of the book, the sub not only remains blindfolded , but also gagged , her ears covered and she is left bound all alone in the room as part of the final scene for the dom to play out( which shows her growth and trust in the dom ) . But see the crucial need of a safeword here ?? A generic " stop please " wouldn't have helped the dom realize the psychological pain the sub was beginning to experience. The safeword hepled the sub communicate the problem with blindfolds while she was bound because before that she was always blindfolded and smacked in the ass or pegged by her mistress in various scenes but when the mistress introduced bondage with blindfolds, she suddenly realized about her soft limits ,which she never knew she had even though there is an entire chapter in the book about her going over every little detail about safe limits, safewords etc .
In this game yeah ada and daniel have been in a long time bdsm relationship so they don't need to use a safeword often but that doesn't mean they shouldn't or didn't have a safeword. That was my proposal to the dev . Like change the line to " yeah we had a safeword, but after not using it for such a long time with Daniel, I have almost forgotten about it " and then daniel goes " not like u needed it anyways ", instead of saying " we have no safewords " . The former line perfectly portrays how ada and daniel are experienced and trust each other while the latter might portrays neglect on daniel or ada's part for some ppl .