- Aug 5, 2016
- 988
- 501
- Thread starter Jobwriter
- Start date
- Jun 11, 2021
- 4,523
- 7,328
is MC a shapeshifter? he seems to be going from being a black dude to a white dude.
ah, so everyone is a shapeshifter in this game, not just the MC.
talk about low effort.
Hello.
The summary and samples made me come. The result is somewhat raw and too short to have a good idea of what you want to do.
The wordbuilding is fine for a first release though most of the locations are empty.
The characters are few and different.
The plot seems interesting but it's just an introduction.
The images/gifs are fitting the situation but I think you can find better ones, more variety (particularly for the repetable ones) and with more consistency with their physical attributes.
We have been chosen to be the hero for the upcoming war by our father and a goddess. And we start by gathering enough information to decide our path.
We have to find the right location to go further with the story, making it more or less kinetic and losing interest in the sanbox elements you've created (outside the bathroom and the brothel).
The writing really needs some work. The same with the punctuation (you even forgot the dots at the end of some sentences). The dialogs aren't always well defined, particularly when there's no color (like with Selene). Speaking of colors, the ones used for the father and the MC are agressives and hurt the eyes. You need to use more neutral ones for that. The text size needs to be constant for the same use (for example, it's big when we speak with father and sister but it's normal for the rest). It also has to be aligned like in a book. The size of the image/gif should be adapted to the text and the space on the screen (not too big and taking over the screen, neither too small). Overall, it should be more or less the same regular one (there can be exceptions for important events). Too much black screens or with a link to go back (either indicates it's WIP/coming soon everytime like the girl in town, remove the link or use another color (some devs use the red color for links with no content)). The english too needs more attention (for example, what is an "outside-castle" exactly? Either it's a corridor/hallway or it's just to leave the castle/go outside). Not sure about the character selection at the start.
With some polishing, it can become interesting.
Good continuation.
The summary and samples made me come. The result is somewhat raw and too short to have a good idea of what you want to do.
The wordbuilding is fine for a first release though most of the locations are empty.
The characters are few and different.
The plot seems interesting but it's just an introduction.
The images/gifs are fitting the situation but I think you can find better ones, more variety (particularly for the repetable ones) and with more consistency with their physical attributes.
We have been chosen to be the hero for the upcoming war by our father and a goddess. And we start by gathering enough information to decide our path.
We have to find the right location to go further with the story, making it more or less kinetic and losing interest in the sanbox elements you've created (outside the bathroom and the brothel).
The writing really needs some work. The same with the punctuation (you even forgot the dots at the end of some sentences). The dialogs aren't always well defined, particularly when there's no color (like with Selene). Speaking of colors, the ones used for the father and the MC are agressives and hurt the eyes. You need to use more neutral ones for that. The text size needs to be constant for the same use (for example, it's big when we speak with father and sister but it's normal for the rest). It also has to be aligned like in a book. The size of the image/gif should be adapted to the text and the space on the screen (not too big and taking over the screen, neither too small). Overall, it should be more or less the same regular one (there can be exceptions for important events). Too much black screens or with a link to go back (either indicates it's WIP/coming soon everytime like the girl in town, remove the link or use another color (some devs use the red color for links with no content)). The english too needs more attention (for example, what is an "outside-castle" exactly? Either it's a corridor/hallway or it's just to leave the castle/go outside). Not sure about the character selection at the start.
With some polishing, it can become interesting.
Good continuation.
- Jan 24, 2018
- 1,610
- 1,432
with ai generated art and elbow grease author could have gone any other direction besides the obvious....Prefer *dirty* modern wenches than.. uhh dirt dirty medieval wenches..
- Mar 21, 2019
- 193
- 296