Bill Temple
Active Member
- May 20, 2021
- 803
- 2,966
LustlyNovels I tried it. I don't think I'm gonna stick around... My notes while I was playing follow below. Good luck!
Housekeeping
Content/Plot
The writing on the wall started to come into focus once the husband is shown to be a premature ejaculator and his wife got annoyed that he didn't warn her, right after he warned her, which was weird. Also, I don't know why she thought stuffing a cumming dick in her mouth would halt the ejaculation. It makes me question their sexual experience.
Leaving his wife unsatisfied, he zonks out, so she jills off to MMF threesome porn. My eyes rolled.
The next weird thing, was the husband complaining to his friend about being a quick shot and his friend talks about opening up the marriage as if that remedy is at all related to premature ejaculation. If I told my friend that I'm suddenly cumming quickly, and his answer was that my wife and I should fuck other people, I'd probably punch him.
Then the husband drinks himself unconscious at the bar, then goes to piss while his "friend" uses his phone for sexy chats with his wife behind his back. If you try to skip that stuff though, the game plays out the same either way.
Also, some of the facial expression are posed in comical extremes. When the husband is upset about busting after a few second of a blow job, or when he's telling his friend, he looks like such a stereotypical sad sack of shit that I couldn't help but laugh.
So nah, there's just too many non-sensical, silly, porny ideas here trying to force players down the road of cuckoldry, I think. I was hoping this would give a legitimate chance at a swinging ntrs-type story, but all signs point to the husband being weak and ineffectual like a cuck stereotype, not a stag.
This is shaping up to be another My Hotwife, Another Man's Wife, or The Adventurous Couple (pre-TACOS) all over again. Again, good luck!
Housekeeping
- In your script.rpy you have screens and styles defined. While technically this works, it's messy. I suggest using screens.rpy for defining screens and styles.
- You use a lot of show statements for your displayables, but you don't hide them as much, meaning they're getting layered on top of each other, potentially causing the game and computer resources to bog down. I think the official view from the Renpy team is that "hide" statements aren't necessary, but I know if I ever play a renpy game that starts getting laggy outside of animations, it's always a game that uses show statements with no hide statements. Consider using "scene" instead of "show". The "scene" statement hides the previous displayable, and shows the new one in a single step.
- Also, you use the "expression" version of the "show" statement unnecessarily. Renpy will automatically look for the displayable in the images folder. I could be wrong, but I think it looks in subfolders of the images folder as well. That should speed up your development a tiny bit.
- I'm not sure the "at full_screen_transform()" is necessary all the time. I removed it and the game displayed identically without it in many cases. In some cases without the full_screen_transform the image was too large for my screen, so I see why you did it, but sticking with a uniform resolution should solve this problem better than resizing all your images at runtime. I could be wrong, though.
- I'm not sure why, but every single image transition popped up with a blank line from "Narrator" during the transition. I don't know what caused that and I've never seen that before. That was really distracting to see.
- My personal preference is to have semi-transparent drop shadow outlines for text and an opacity slider for the dialogue box. This way players that want to see all your beautiful renders more fully won't have to press the hide button to hide the gui as much. If the dialogue box is set transparent by players, white text on light images makes it hard to read, hence my preference for outlines. Making an option for the outlines is nice, but most players won't complain about outlines if they're present.
If you add "define gui.text_outlines = [ (2, "#00000080", 1.5, 1) ]" (without those quotes) to a line in the gui.rpy, usually the color section, you can get half-opacity, black, drop shadow outlines all the time. Again my preference is drop shadow, but if you want it to be a smaller, plain outline, setting gui.text_outlines equal to [ (1, "#00000080", 0, 0) ] will do that. If you're interested in an opacity slider for the dialogue box, which I highly recommend, I can tell you that too, but I don't want to throw too much at you right off the bat.Nevermind, looks like SaintBM already shared something with you about that one.
- Some images are pretty grainy. I'm not a CG artist, but I think your CGs either need to cook longer at higher resolution in your renderer, or you need to use a denoising post-process. I noticed the noisier images had a lot going on in terms of textures in the environment. Passing along more knowledge that I don't actually possess: I think depending on the power of the GPU you're using for rendering, you might be forced to choose less busy backgrounds to take some load off your graphics card. A few examples of grainy images are a3.png, a4.png, a6.png
- Some images are crazy washed out, like a10.png for example.
- Use webp instead of png should give you better compression.
- Remember that the gender of a pronoun in English agrees with the gender of the person it refers back to, not the gender of the noun it modifies. Examples:
- "John gets a better position, so he can get more comfortable, waiting for her wife" - "his wife" would be correct. We use the masculine pronoun "his" because John is male. It doesn't matter what the gender of wife is for English pronouns
- "Katy sits next to him, still lost on his husband's dick." - "her husband's dick" is correct. Use the feminine pronoun because Katy is female. It doesn't matter the gender of husband or dick.
- Script.rpy line 183: "get's" isn't a word. "let's" is a word that is a contraction of "let us", but here you want "gets", the third-person singular form of "get".
- I understand the voice acting direction is tempting, like "(Says in a flirty voice) Well well, look at you mister...". It's tempting to tell players how you imagine the scene happening if it were a live action scene. I get it, but you have images and the context of the dialogue giving the readers cues that her tone of voice would be flirty. We don't need you to tell us. It will save you time by not typing out redundant information and annoy the reader less.
- I don't have a problem with the Narrator label for narration, but it could just as easily not be there. Any text not labeled with a name will be assumed to be narration. I like descriptive narration, but there are some AVN readers who don't like it as much. So I would recommend you lean toward "show, don't tell" as often as you think you can. If the image can convey things you want to describe, try to do that.
- Putting descriptive narration in same line as dialogue doesn't look good, and it's even worse when you're describing something that's happening in the image on screen. Example:
"(Grabbing her by the back of the head) Now, show me what you got for me."
Content/Plot
The writing on the wall started to come into focus once the husband is shown to be a premature ejaculator and his wife got annoyed that he didn't warn her, right after he warned her, which was weird. Also, I don't know why she thought stuffing a cumming dick in her mouth would halt the ejaculation. It makes me question their sexual experience.
Leaving his wife unsatisfied, he zonks out, so she jills off to MMF threesome porn. My eyes rolled.
The next weird thing, was the husband complaining to his friend about being a quick shot and his friend talks about opening up the marriage as if that remedy is at all related to premature ejaculation. If I told my friend that I'm suddenly cumming quickly, and his answer was that my wife and I should fuck other people, I'd probably punch him.
Then the husband drinks himself unconscious at the bar, then goes to piss while his "friend" uses his phone for sexy chats with his wife behind his back. If you try to skip that stuff though, the game plays out the same either way.
Also, some of the facial expression are posed in comical extremes. When the husband is upset about busting after a few second of a blow job, or when he's telling his friend, he looks like such a stereotypical sad sack of shit that I couldn't help but laugh.
So nah, there's just too many non-sensical, silly, porny ideas here trying to force players down the road of cuckoldry, I think. I was hoping this would give a legitimate chance at a swinging ntrs-type story, but all signs point to the husband being weak and ineffectual like a cuck stereotype, not a stag.
This is shaping up to be another My Hotwife, Another Man's Wife, or The Adventurous Couple (pre-TACOS) all over again. Again, good luck!
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