So I’ve begun a fresh play-thru.
Everything is on a rail, dude. I somewhat recall you saying months ago that you were gonna thin it out like that and I think that’s a mistake. I could see the discussion taking place and why you did it, but I think that’s a mistake. You had the parameters in place to do the tug-a-war. I woulda stuck w/that.
Having said that, I get to the red wine and couch thing w/Mom again and… damn dude. She just totally does it for me.
There’s something about the way you got her there in that timespan; her general mannerisms/activities/decisions/ and the way you’ve drawn her - nothing much elaborate from a written perspective, so the art has most to do with it (and that’s a talent that cannot be overlooked. Cartoon art, that says enough, to appeal beyond big curves. There’s something in the way you handle things that speaks beyond the pencil, eh. Congrats). Dude is fuckin crankin it with his tongue upside his mouth. And Mom and her mega-titties is real simple on the couch there going, “Okay fine, go ahead and be a beast. You’re my jungle boy. Gettir duwn if you must.” Big ol’ giant eyes to match her matronly mouth. There’s fuckin genius in there somewhere dude. You nailed it; sensational simplicity, Picasso good.
So now I want more mommie and I’m all kinda ready to pony up.
But a fair critique would say…
There’s really nothing going on with MC up until that point. I have no opportunity for investment in anything. I got plenty bored, to be honest. If I had not already known… the couch event was coming and how? I might have hit exit and never come back.
I recognize you likely threw your hands up and went, fuck it - keep-it-simple-stupid. I’m not here to discredit whatever else is being said by others. But it’s a lot more thin than I remember it from months ago. I feel no investment in it. I’m just watching things take place.
How do YOU feel, from a creation perspective?
And can I have her phone number please? Do I HAVE to be her son to make it all work, dagnabbit. More women on the planet like that one please. And they don’t necessarily need to take it on the face. Just… conceptually… be understanding; want to make it work. Be like, inviting, and hospitable, and as compassionate as you are capable. And… and… and… big bewbees, pillows, nap time yum. Leche.
