- Nov 24, 2019
- 1,985
- 4,607
I feel like Chet going after Halla would make more sense. Plus you could still have Julia being jealous when the MC asks for help with the Calc problem. And losing Halla seems like it would be more of a gut punch moment for MC anyways.I'm surprised by some of the feedback on the relationship between Julia and the mc. My intention is to show that Julia loves the mc, but she has to be his best friend instead so she can stay in his life since the mc likes Halia. Chet uses mind control on Julia so that she believes he is her boyfriend. The only thing that happens between them is that Chet holds Julia's hand while he flirts with her at the coffee shop. Julia is still under Chet's mind control until the mc frees Julia on day 2. Once she's free, Julia helps the mc practice dancing and kissing so he will be ready to date Halia. Julia feels so guilty for the kiss that it wakes her up from her dream state.
Your feedback tells me that the interactions between Julia and the mc comes off harsher than I intended. You mention Julia brushing off the mc about Chet. Are you referring to when the mc asks Julia about Chet at the coffee shop after Chet leaves? Could you share which interactions between Julia and the mc that you found that doesn't portray the intended relationship I indicate above? Your impressions will help me to revise the story. I'm having to walk a fine line with Julia. 1. She's the mc's best friend. 2. Chet has used mind control on Julia. If I show Julia acting normal, the Eternals look weak. Chet's main reason for choosing Julia to control is to show the mc that Chet can take the person the mc is closest to, Julia, away from him. So I've tried to show moments when Julia doesn't act like a person who is in love with the mc. Julia does get upset with the mc for asking her help with a Calculus problem. But this is due to Julia being jealous. The Calc problem is part of Halia's homework. Julia knows it's for Halia as the mc only gets this scene if he doesn't attend Calc class.
Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts so I can improve my game.
And the brush off thing with Julia is when MC is asking her about him the next day, and she's like maybe your interested in dating him, something along those lines.
And thank you for listening to my feedback.