- Jan 30, 2018
- 945
- 1,523
I gave this a shot but I can't recommend it. It desperately needs an editor; each scene drags on too long and falls into ruts of repetitive description or dialogue loops that end up retreading a subject several times. The main character spends most of their time in bed, so there's not really an exciting hook (though it does promise there will be adventure at some point later this opening just plods along), and on top of that there are a bunch of obvious look-at-this-cool-lore-I-wrote infodumps in place of things actually happening.
also the main character is kind of insufferable. In some misguided attempt to be 'realistic' he wonders if he's dreaming at least 37 times in the first way-too-long conversation (and it's an amnesia situation - a poorly done and inconsistent one where he 'technically' can't remember anything but still has modern context, he just doesn't know the source of the frame of reference he has, it's -so- poorly done that I honestly wonder why they bothered - so having such prolonged difficulty accepting the basic reality of the situation he's in just feels overwrought) and he'll get really bitchy and judgmental on top of that.
Then there are just some basic plotting head-scratchers. They make reference to this very exciting and interesting series of events that the main character was discovered under but instead of showing that as an opening hook to really grab you it's described to you in one of many sitting-in-bed conversations. Even when something finally happens the result is being put under house arrest; there's this weird aversion to having anything happen so you can read through more lore.
I won't say that it's completely unengaging but it's written in a very assed-backwardsy way.
also the main character is kind of insufferable. In some misguided attempt to be 'realistic' he wonders if he's dreaming at least 37 times in the first way-too-long conversation (and it's an amnesia situation - a poorly done and inconsistent one where he 'technically' can't remember anything but still has modern context, he just doesn't know the source of the frame of reference he has, it's -so- poorly done that I honestly wonder why they bothered - so having such prolonged difficulty accepting the basic reality of the situation he's in just feels overwrought) and he'll get really bitchy and judgmental on top of that.
Then there are just some basic plotting head-scratchers. They make reference to this very exciting and interesting series of events that the main character was discovered under but instead of showing that as an opening hook to really grab you it's described to you in one of many sitting-in-bed conversations. Even when something finally happens the result is being put under house arrest; there's this weird aversion to having anything happen so you can read through more lore.
I won't say that it's completely unengaging but it's written in a very assed-backwardsy way.