Crush probably comes here to make fun of his own progress too and feel apart of a group. Don't trust each other.
- Jan 25, 2020
- 624
- 1,642
- 308
I tried so hard to write for him and literally have him steal my ideas to keep putting out content for Female Agent. A process of outlining, writing and submitting to him for close to a year.
What did he do with it?
Said it was hot! and great! but too much work to implement. Hence the creation of Blue Swallow.
What did he do with it?
Said it was hot! and great! but too much work to implement. Hence the creation of Blue Swallow.
gymnopedies
Member
- Dec 28, 2019
- 458
- 617
- 257
Senor Smut
Member
- Aug 11, 2020
- 398
- 1,366
- 267
My headcanon Kate grew up a simple English lass, eating Bovril and saying 'innit." After school she went into the Army for a couple of years, but it didn't suit her. When her hitch was up, she set about creating an HTML game about a young intelligence agent who gets sent undercover to a Bangkok brothel. While the game itself never gathered any steam and never achieved anything, she was rapidly successful in developing a cult-like group of followers who insisted on giving her money every month regardless of whether she produced anything or not, or indeed communicated in any way or not. MI6, impressed with her Jedi-Mind-Trick-like abilities, recruited her. The rest is history. Or rather, the rest is conjecture, since we will never, ever find out how things go in the brothel they send her to.
So you are saying that Crush is actually Kate or Kate is Crush? That is a Hitchcockian level twist I did not see coming. If that were true, does it mean that Crush was actually the girl who got tag teamed in his Patreon sex story from last week? I guess that would explain why Kate is so submissive in the few FA drafts we've seen to date. You may seriously be onto something with this head canon.
Senor Smut
Member
- Aug 11, 2020
- 398
- 1,366
- 267
Thanks for the heads up, but I only abide grammatical correction from professional writers like Crush/Kate or Bono. If they want to pipe in I'd be all ears. Meanwhile, on to other things...
Might I suggest she also briefly worked as a project manager for Mattel, but was fired when they discovered her unhealthy obsession with saying all new Barbie models weren't hot enough and missing every deadline. This is the real reason why we ended up having the grotesque orge Margot Robbie play Barbie. Constantly fixating on the doll's hair, nails and clothing, it was there she started her cult as the Greta Goddess of Hotness, the sole purveyor of all things Hot™. Her promised next project is the rewriting old texts such as the Bible for accuracy and hotness, unless she gets frazzled first.
Last edited:
Respect bro, blue swallow is already a better game than female agent at this point
Thanks to all the inspiration, here's a character sheet for our Kate (any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental):
Kate “The Monthly Milker” Patreonova
Class: Game Developer (Subclass: Excusemancer)
Alignment: Chaotic Soon™
Stats (1-20):
- Creativity: 19 (Worlds in her head, barely a Twine in reality.)
- Procrastination: 20 (Rebooting = Progress, right?)
- Excuse Crafting: 18 (“Screenshots are proof of work!”)
- Proof of Work: 1 (18 months, zero updates—legendary.)
- Deadlines: 1 (Theoretical at best.)
Special Abilities:
- Soon™ Aura: Fans believe updates are just around the corner. They’re not.
- Reboot Ritual: Rehashes old content every 2-3 years, regressing progress while hyping the “fresh start.”
- Linear Mirage: Disguises linear content as branching paths. Fans realize too late it’s all rails.
Weakness:
- Frazzled State: Critical poison. Deadlines or fan pressure induce work allergy—symptoms include apologizing, aimless tinkering, and meme-posting.
Quirks:
- Starts every morning with “Today’s the day!”—it never is.
- Promises dynamic branching; delivers 10 minutes of linear gameplay.
- Updates consist of verbose apologies padded with rare screenshots.
Kate “The Monthly Milker” Patreonova
Class: Game Developer (Subclass: Excusemancer)
Alignment: Chaotic Soon™
Stats (1-20):
- Creativity: 19 (Worlds in her head, barely a Twine in reality.)
- Procrastination: 20 (Rebooting = Progress, right?)
- Excuse Crafting: 18 (“Screenshots are proof of work!”)
- Proof of Work: 1 (18 months, zero updates—legendary.)
- Deadlines: 1 (Theoretical at best.)
Special Abilities:
- Soon™ Aura: Fans believe updates are just around the corner. They’re not.
- Reboot Ritual: Rehashes old content every 2-3 years, regressing progress while hyping the “fresh start.”
- Linear Mirage: Disguises linear content as branching paths. Fans realize too late it’s all rails.
Weakness:
- Frazzled State: Critical poison. Deadlines or fan pressure induce work allergy—symptoms include apologizing, aimless tinkering, and meme-posting.
Quirks:
- Starts every morning with “Today’s the day!”—it never is.
- Promises dynamic branching; delivers 10 minutes of linear gameplay.
- Updates consist of verbose apologies padded with rare screenshots.
chino222
Newbie
- Mar 19, 2018
- 68
- 254
- 238
Troqu
Well-Known Member
- Aug 6, 2017
- 1,635
- 2,648
- 490
Wow guys 2 whole amazingly hot scenes this week. No information about what this salacious wordplay is about, but Crush assures us it's at least lukewarm. Next week we're promised yet another hot scene. I can't wait to not be told what it is. I'm on the edge of my seat in anticipation.
PickerLewd
Engaged Member
- Dec 22, 2022
- 2,971
- 3,820
- 397
He mentioned Bangkok in his last post, did he notice the huge inconsistency with the final scene?
I hope not, or there will be more reworking to come
.
I hope not, or there will be more reworking to come
.What intrigues me here is Crush mentions the "new Bangkok plans". I seem to recall that he spent months last year concocting the Mother of All Beat Sheets (MOABS), a meticulous, fine tuned 184-page planning document that included every possible beat, carefully laid out on pristine white sheets. He even published really tiny, blurred MOABS images that definitively proved how the story was fully mapped out.
This was all designed to simplify and speed development since it would now be as rudimentary as finger painting to throw some words on a page to connect those beats. The sheer brilliance of MOABS was that it basically made things so easy that even a child or monkey could drive the game forward.
However, if there are new plans then MOABS will likely fall to pieces like a Jenga tower. The beats will descend into an incoherent cacophony rather than the carefully constructed porn symphony of hotness that Crush envisioned. I think I speak for all of F95 and most of the civilized world, when I say "Hell no, not on our watch!".
We need to grab the bull by the horns urgently because new plans obviously mean that we are gonna need a bigger MOABS "boat" going forward. And a bigger, bolder plan clearly warrants a new name, not the least to distinguish it from the MOABS failure.
I'd humbly like to propose: Totally Original Timeless All-Star Legendary Beat Sheet (TOTAL BS).
Like usual, I authorize Crush to steal that name, no credit needed. No great porn game can move forward without a laborious planning document and I think the TOTAL BS moniker wonderfully epitomizes FA and will hopefully push it to greater glory. We've always got your back, Crush, so just keep on trucking, ignore the haters, follow the TOTAL BS roadmap and Female Agent will achieve the legendary status it deserves!
Last edited:
chino222
Newbie
- Mar 19, 2018
- 68
- 254
- 238
at this point, the only thing it deserves is the status of "abandoned"
Technically in a couple of days but yes, at this point it's almost past the "18 months since last update" threshold where any dev activity on social media no longer matters.
As someone who does suffer from mental illness, I politely ask not to be thrown under the same bus as Crush.
At least I would be punctual to be pushed in front of said bus, whereas he would obviously miss the tossing. Instead he would probably ask people to send him money, so he could rent a second bus in 6 months time while he'd keep working full time on a plan and all sorts of graphical sketches as to how exactly he offers to be thrown. He would offer multiple choices of throwing, pushing and tossing, while the end result would remain the same. Being crushed by a bus. However, he would probably also request a bit of extra funding and more time to hire someone who could not only create several special attires and makeup for him to wear, but also that someone could paint the bus! Even more choices for all the tossers!
I hereby certify you insane - you speak of endings, such as being crushed by a bus.
Crush isn't anywhere near an ending, so the correct analogy would be you under the bus, while he wrote the backstory of the driver, from birth till the turning point where he/she chose driving buses as a career. If you're lucky, in 8 years Crush might shed light on the start of the tragic bus journey to crash site Devilfish.
Surprise twist ending: EVERYONE is a tosser!
Alleykatt
Well-Known Member
- May 19, 2017
- 1,438
- 2,185
- 476
The amount of money he is raking in every month for doing nothing is impressive for someone with a mental illness.
I really like FA but I think it is important for all our sanity to simply not expect anything from it, and of course never give him any money for it. It you do that, then all the drama goes away. I'll play the game when it comes out but I don't worry about any delays. I have no emotional nor financial investment.