- Dec 9, 2018
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Interesting ideas, but if you hope to make Nicki more appealing through them, I think there's a risk of achieving the opposite. If they were such good friends, why didn't she come to him as a friend? It risks making her come off as even more manipulative.Nicki is definitely going to be the MC's conscience, I think. Or try to be. You see a little of this in Chapter Three, when MC decides to look at Cassie's photos, and Nicki calls him out on it. If he said Gabby's name during the same scene, we can expect her to have something to say once she meets Ms. Barron.
I can definitely oblige on the butt-stuff. What I'll likely do with the sex menus is what I've done since then, and make it kind of a broader menu of options, all of which route to come options. The early sex paths suffered from my inability to write decent code.
With their relationship as initially written, I wanted that work-wife, work-husband dynamic. But, I feel like it drove home this idea that they weren't exactly friends, but more like acquaintances that might flirt every now and then. Which makes it easier to embrace the idea that she's just there to get some money out of MC. I think that making them better friends beforehand accomplishes a couple things:
Still, I'll consider all my options. I don't want to totally rewrite things, but I feel like I didn't get certain things across the way I'd have liked to. If I'm going to redo the art in the first chapter, I might as well smooth out some story wrinkles that have been bothering me.
- It gives a little more context/impact to his reaction to her showing up in a dress, which he's never seen before.
- It explains why she stayed with Brent, because the guy she was hanging out with all the time never even made a move on her.
- It increases the sense of betrayal on the dark paths.
- It explains why she might come back, even if he was cruel to her. One moment of anger in an otherwise lengthy friendship might be understandable, and overlooked in dire enough circumstances. Not so much with a casual friend.
If they're just colleagues with a bit of chemistry and the MC has projected this friendship onto her, her behaviour on the night makes more sense; dressing up and flirting a bit to flatter him, hesitating to tell him why she's actually there, etc.
If they're friends, she should be able to approach him honestly and say "hey, I'm in trouble, can you help?" Instead she chooses to do it differently, which doesn't really reflect well on her or how she considers the MC.