Oh yeah, I don't intend to cut it down to a few hundred bucks or anything. But I think it's more believable that Brent initially went for say, $10,000 and then "bought the dip" with another $40,000, leaving Nicki on the hook for $50,000. Still a ton of money for anyone living paycheck to paycheck, but maybe a bit more understandable. Both in that a loan shark would trust him with that much, and that a rich guy might be willing to take care of that much debt. I dunno, I might be overthinking that one.
Better, I like this idea.
BUT ... you're trying to sell me a product for 50,000 that I used to pay 10,000 for. It doesn't work that way, even with additional factors.
I have an alternative idea.
With their relationship as initially written, I wanted that work-wife, work-husband dynamic. But, I feel like it drove home this idea that they weren't exactly friends, but more like acquaintances that might flirt every now and then. Which makes it easier to embrace the idea that she's just there to get some money out of MC. I think that making them better friends beforehand accomplishes a couple things:
- It gives a little more context/impact to his reaction to her showing up in a dress, which he's never seen before.
- It explains why she stayed with Brent, because the guy she was hanging out with all the time never even made a move on her.
- It increases the sense of betrayal on the dark paths.
- It explains why she might come back, even if he was cruel to her. One moment of anger in an otherwise lengthy friendship might be understandable, and overlooked in dire enough circumstances. Not so much with a casual friend.
Still, I'll consider all my options. I don't want to totally rewrite things, but I feel like I didn't get certain things across the way I'd have liked to. If I'm going to redo the art in the first chapter, I might as well smooth out some story wrinkles that have been bothering me.
It changes a lot, from the psychological point of view it practically turns the situation upside down.
OK, let's see where this leads us.
MC will definitely get his revenge on Brent eventually. But, I have weird feelings about having the MC just throw down with him. Both because I think it'd be more satisfying to see MC do something more creative, and I think there's something about rendering violence in DAZ, that always makes it look kind of silly and try-hard.
Yes yes yes and definitely YES !!
I don't know how, but Brent has to be punished.
"What if" scenario"
Brent sends Nicki for big money, at least half a million. Yes, I know, he'll never get that much, but the boy has his dreams and needs, right?
Alternatively, this time, he will agree to a "first installment" of 10,000 to get rid of his debts. But even giving Nicki that money won't satisfy her boyfriend's "claims".
On the other hand, Nicki has her own plan. She needs to pay her debts, the whole situation scares her and she wants to get out of it. Not "get out" from the relationship (?!?) with Brent, but from the complications it causes. She needs a few hundred, maybe 2-3 thousand. This will cover the most urgent needs, pay off the worst debt, and nothing else.
Dark path - you give (or not) a few thousand (that's how much Nicki needs), and do what you want with her.
You can give her 10,000 (Brent's wish), and do anything with her.
Or not do.
Or (love path) - you give her less than Brent wants, and you end up with friendly kisses and hugs.
In both cases, we will see Nicki in the following episodes. Probably in each of them? After all, Brent earns little, Nicki too, and they can both spend a lot. Together. Or you give Nicki as much as Brent agrees minimally -> kisses and hugs, no sex ;-) Maybe - just maybe!! blowjob, but nothing rough (no penetration, forget anal etc). Hehehe
Next time Nicki comes in with a bigger problem. Brent has large debts and enemies, which in his case is a painfully predictable consequence.
He needs more money, at least 50,000. Nicki has more motivation this time, because Brent "friends" threatening him and her too. She will agree to photos and even sex. Anal sex is an option ... dark path ;-)
I was just thinking - where does Brent get the rest of the money from? His needs are big, he can borrow money from nowhere (at least "normally").
Maybe Brent was selling drugs? in the store where he works?
Maybe he sent Nicki to the street to work as a prostitute. Maybe both?!?
This opens up new interesting possibilities.
Logically, the next loan Nicki comes for will be needed to take Brent out of custody.
Brent is not very clever, police/DEA/FBI will catch him someday ...
See you next time, Nicki!
Such a scenario means that chapter one is neither too long nor too complicated. And at the same time it lets you mix a Nicki / Brent couple in the following chapters.