Erochaser I know you mention extensively in the very beginning of the game that you wish to receive any notes on grammar, punctuation, and typos... With respect:
I'm seeing significant typos even in that very text.
Before I go through it all, which I can and am happy to do so, would you prefer a simple list of lines and words/grammar fixes?
Or should I use UNREN and send you a script file with the corrections?
I don't want to start if there's already someone doing this to assist you...
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Overall 'prologue' impression until the sandbox starts...
1. There are many narrations on black screen that should instead be either Koikatsu renders or perhaps custom photoshop artwork either behind the text or in place of it. Seeing so much black screen narration makes the overall prologue seem disjointed and incomplete.
I KNOW this is early game, but I would suggest either compile some renders and edit them in a split-screen style or slideshow... or... refine the narration to keep it simple.
2. That being said, I would suggest removing all the statements about how the game is developing. It delays the actual start of the game by 3 full minutes of reading. Perhaps have that as a separate thing in the "about" section of the game instead?
3. While I'm not sure what your level of expertise is in KK Studio... The animations have a very thin broken black outline around the characters. This is very simple to fix: Either remove the outline in Koikatsu Chara Studio settings or make it 2-3 x thicker. If you don't want a heavy black outline, make the outline color beige or brown or a softer color.
4. The lighting is bland and could use some deeper shading to give the characters presence and tone. Especially in a couple of places (the 'guy' who offers his slave when arriving back in town) - the shadows reveal how some poses may look right from the angle they were rendered but look weird when the shadow shows something is nowhere near touching.
5. The longer descriptions, conversations that take up 2-3 segments... Break those up more. Make it less like paragraphs of dialog. By doing so, you will give players a moment to blink, the characters a moment to breathe, and make it a bit less daunting to consume.
Again, if you wish me to send you some typo/punctuation/word-use corrections, let me know.
I like the game so far. With the right music (please try to avoid using Kevin MacLeod songs - as 99.99% of games tend to use the same 10 songs from his free library)... with the right mood music, this game could be awesome.