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Comics Heads Up! [2024-12-22] [NewBeeTSF]

5.00 star(s) 1 Vote
Discussion Reviews (1)
Elaine.

Elaine.

Newbie
Dec 5, 2023
91
204
chalana.56 said:
Looking forward to read it..
Click to expand...
It's virtually a complete rewrite. The only constant is the story line. I have added a lot of extra text. Typical text would have male and female pronouns in the same sentence.
I will copy and paste an example and my correction


"Gosh, I can't believe it! How...ohmygosh. Mi mouth on hi-his di-dick...." Mia said, falling in and out of her accent as she spoke more and more. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Mia grew tired of her complaining, and she stripped herself from the clothes, with Tanya jumping her bones the minute she was back in the bed.


Simon's dick didn't get touched more then once, as Mia fingered him to oblivion over and over again, while she did the same to herself. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with his girlfriend, thankful the date was over.

becomes


"Gosh! I can't believe it! How? Oh my gosh! My mouth sucked on hi-his di-dick!" Simon said, falling in and out of her accent as he spoke. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Tanya grew tired of Simon’s complaints and she stripped off his clothes. Tanya jumped on top of Simon the second he was back in the bed.

Simon's dick didn't get touched once, as Tanya using a rubber dildo fingered him to orgasm over and over again. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with Tanya. He was grateful and thankful the date was over.
 
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MyraTSF

MyraTSF

Member
Dec 22, 2023
125
412
Elaine. said:
It's virtually a complete rewrite. The only constant is the story line. I have added a lot of extra text. Typical text would have male and female pronouns in the same sentence.
I will copy and paste an example and my correction


"Gosh, I can't believe it! How...ohmygosh. Mi mouth on hi-his di-dick...." Mia said, falling in and out of her accent as she spoke more and more. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Mia grew tired of her complaining, and she stripped herself from the clothes, with Tanya jumping her bones the minute she was back in the bed.


Simon's dick didn't get touched more then once, as Mia fingered him to oblivion over and over again, while she did the same to herself. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with his girlfriend, thankful the date was over.

becomes


"Gosh! I can't believe it! How? Oh my gosh! My mouth sucked on hi-his di-dick!" Simon said, falling in and out of her accent as he spoke. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Tanya grew tired of Simon’s complaints and she stripped off his clothes. Tanya jumped on top of Simon the second he was back in the bed.

Simon's dick didn't get touched once, as Tanya using a rubber dildo fingered him to orgasm over and over again. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with Tanya. He was grateful and thankful the date was over.
Click to expand...
I think some of the "bad english" is supposed to be accent.
Writing out accent can be quite hard sometimes tho.
 
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chalana.56

Newbie
Dec 3, 2023
55
128
Elaine. said:
It's virtually a complete rewrite. The only constant is the story line. I have added a lot of extra text. Typical text would have male and female pronouns in the same sentence.
I will copy and paste an example and my correction


"Gosh, I can't believe it! How...ohmygosh. Mi mouth on hi-his di-dick...." Mia said, falling in and out of her accent as she spoke more and more. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Mia grew tired of her complaining, and she stripped herself from the clothes, with Tanya jumping her bones the minute she was back in the bed.


Simon's dick didn't get touched more then once, as Mia fingered him to oblivion over and over again, while she did the same to herself. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with his girlfriend, thankful the date was over.

becomes


"Gosh! I can't believe it! How? Oh my gosh! My mouth sucked on hi-his di-dick!" Simon said, falling in and out of her accent as he spoke. Tanya's arousal only grew as she heard the details. Eventually, Tanya grew tired of Simon’s complaints and she stripped off his clothes. Tanya jumped on top of Simon the second he was back in the bed.

Simon's dick didn't get touched once, as Tanya using a rubber dildo fingered him to orgasm over and over again. His cum-soaked panties stuck to his skin as he slept the night with Tanya. He was grateful and thankful the date was over.
Click to expand...
agree with myra here some of those bad english were intentional slip ups as mia is not a english native women
 
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Elaine.

Elaine.

Newbie
Dec 5, 2023
91
204
chalana.56 said:
agree with myra here some of those bad english were intentional slip ups as mia is not a english native women
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its not the mixture of spanish and english in the same line its more the way the text is written overall. eg the word then is used for than and women is used for woman. the chopping and changing of gender pronouns often in the same sentence is confusing. then every man Mia has a date with uses her for sex and in many cases Mia gives in too easily to their demands without a lot of protest.
 
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Elaine.

Elaine.

Newbie
Dec 5, 2023
91
204
I have finally gone through the story so far and it stretches now to 141 pages from 120 when i started. The original was quite confusing in places so as i edited out mistakes I also wrote new stuff. I must say that Tanya is very sneaker while Simon/Mia seems very gullible.
 
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Elaine.

Elaine.

Newbie
Dec 5, 2023
91
204
it seems he was on a cocktail of drugs and i added to his woes by adding some hormones as an implant given to him by the kind doctor Eric who has a thing about trans women.
 
C

chalana.56

Newbie
Dec 3, 2023
55
128
LadyBoyJay said:
A new update is out! Check it out on
You must be registered to see the links
and leave a comment. If not, use the MEGA folder or the MEGA link (pages 391-406). Feel free to discuss your thoughts here as well. (y)
Click to expand...
Theres soo many layers who are yet touch by myra such as the full story & the motive of diane & what about jason's parents? We haven't had any look of them and even olivia seems like a victim after this part
 
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5.00 star(s) 1 Vote