- Oct 24, 2019
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- 1,103
- Thread starter AmusingOddity
- Start date
- Nov 4, 2018
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- 214
- Oct 24, 2019
- 1,391
- 1,103
Let's do a little proofreading.... Also, sushi in landlocked desert Arizona? I'd be wary too, and normally I don't care as long as it's stunned and not trying to crawl off my plate. I'll do some more later.
"Haha! Don't apologies to me you idiot, " -> "Haha! Don't apologize to me you idiot, "
"Were brother and sister, I know that I'm a ravishingly hot chick and all- haha! but you don't need to be so on edge around me." -> "We're brother and sister. I know that I'm a ravishingly hot chick and all, haha, but you don't need to be so on edge around me."
"Your sure she means well" -> "You're sure she means well"
"Well, yeah, your damn right I'm an awesome cook! " -> "Well, yeah, you're damn right. I'm an awesome cook! "
"'ll get it on Monday- where the hell is it?" -> "'ll get it on Monday... where the hell is it?"
"so I don't end up touch your cum rag be accident." -> "so I don't end up touching your cum rag by accident." (Also MC has stunning accuracy being able to shoot his jiz into an UnderArmor logo)
"You can barley eat any of it." -> "You can barely eat any of it."
"I, uh, your right. I know your right, I'm just. . ." -> "I... uh... you're right. I know you're right. I'm just..."
"I- I just- can I- can you?" -> "I... I just... can I... can you?"
"I won't make funny of you anymore for the rest of the summer." -> "I won't make fun of you anymore for the rest of the summer."
"But now that I got your wank bank nice and full if I don't have to wash half a hamper of cum rags next time I do laundry I'll take it as a personal insult." -> "But now that I got your wank bank nice and full, if I don't have to wash half a hamper of cum rags next time I do laundry, I'll take it as a personal insult."
"Yeah pretty much, she was so sure that I'd cheat while I was away that she dumped me." -> "Yeah pretty much. She was so sure that I'd cheat while I was away that she dumped me."
"Were just, a different kind of family to most." -> "We're just, a different kind of family to most."
"That girlfriend of yours thought you how to eat pussy right?" -> "That girlfriend of yours taught you how to eat pussy right?"
"That little girlfriend of yours thought you well!" -> "That little girlfriend of yours taught you well!"
"whole body goes ridged." -> "whole body goes rigid."
"She looks like such an angle when she's asleep." -> "She looks like such an angel when she's asleep."
"So, I don't think it's a secret to you that Larry has never been your biggest fan- nothing to do with you personally even he would admit that you're a good kid! . . . It's just, you know." -> "So, I don't think it's a secret to you that Larry has never been your biggest fan... nothing to do with you personally. Even he would admit that you're a good kid! It's just... you know."
"Then, a last year when you turned 18, Larry decided that the phone calls should end." -> Larry decided that the phone calls should end last year when you turned 18.
"I was- I was furious, with Larry and with myself for letting him dictate to me like that. " -> "I was... I was furious with Larry, and with myself, for letting him dictate to me like that. "
"No, our kids are raised, the twins went off to college last year, I've done my duty by my girls. I don't owe that man anything more." -> "No, our kids are raised. The twins went off to college last year. I've done my duty by my girls. I don't owe that man anything more."
"You've always seen your mom as being kind of a pushover, maybe you had her wrong all these years?" -> "You've always seen your mom as being kind of a pushover. Maybe you had her wrong all these years?"
"If your divorcing Dad," -> "If you're divorcing Dad,"
"It'll be like a sitcom, we can give each other dating advice and now that I've finally got big boobs like you, we can even share each other's clothes!" -> "It'll be like a sitcom. We can give each other dating advice. And now that I've finally got big boobs like you, we can even share each other's clothes!"
"I've still got a couple of small jobs I want to finish up outside and I want to finally fix that bathroom door but I should be able to get it ready pretty quickly. Me and Mom can go get her a bed and stuff tomorrow." -> "I've still got a couple of small jobs I want to finish up outside,and I want to finally fix that bathroom door. But I should be able to get it ready pretty quickly. Mom and I can go get her a bed and stuff tomorrow."
"Wonderful. For now I just need to go for a quick nap. Which room is your" -> "Wonderful. For now I just need to go for a quick nap. Which room is yours"
"More or less, just need to let the paint dry. I'll bike over to Mike tomorrow and see if I can borrow his van, me and Mom can go get her a bed and whatever else she needs while you're at school." -> "More or less... Just need to let the paint dry. I'll bike over to Mike tomorrow and see if I can borrow his van. Mom and I can go get her a bed and whatever else she needs while you're at school."
Broken images because Linux is case sensitive.
Home_is_where_the_whores_is/Images/Misc/BFast2.jpg should be Bfast2.jpg
Images/Misc/Blegs.jpg should be BLegs.jpg
/Images/Scenes/change/Change2.jpg should be /Images/Scenes/Change/Change2.jpg
"Haha! Don't apologies to me you idiot, " -> "Haha! Don't apologize to me you idiot, "
"Were brother and sister, I know that I'm a ravishingly hot chick and all- haha! but you don't need to be so on edge around me." -> "We're brother and sister. I know that I'm a ravishingly hot chick and all, haha, but you don't need to be so on edge around me."
"Your sure she means well" -> "You're sure she means well"
"Well, yeah, your damn right I'm an awesome cook! " -> "Well, yeah, you're damn right. I'm an awesome cook! "
"'ll get it on Monday- where the hell is it?" -> "'ll get it on Monday... where the hell is it?"
"so I don't end up touch your cum rag be accident." -> "so I don't end up touching your cum rag by accident." (Also MC has stunning accuracy being able to shoot his jiz into an UnderArmor logo)
"You can barley eat any of it." -> "You can barely eat any of it."
"I, uh, your right. I know your right, I'm just. . ." -> "I... uh... you're right. I know you're right. I'm just..."
"I- I just- can I- can you?" -> "I... I just... can I... can you?"
"I won't make funny of you anymore for the rest of the summer." -> "I won't make fun of you anymore for the rest of the summer."
"But now that I got your wank bank nice and full if I don't have to wash half a hamper of cum rags next time I do laundry I'll take it as a personal insult." -> "But now that I got your wank bank nice and full, if I don't have to wash half a hamper of cum rags next time I do laundry, I'll take it as a personal insult."
"Yeah pretty much, she was so sure that I'd cheat while I was away that she dumped me." -> "Yeah pretty much. She was so sure that I'd cheat while I was away that she dumped me."
"Were just, a different kind of family to most." -> "We're just, a different kind of family to most."
"That girlfriend of yours thought you how to eat pussy right?" -> "That girlfriend of yours taught you how to eat pussy right?"
"That little girlfriend of yours thought you well!" -> "That little girlfriend of yours taught you well!"
"whole body goes ridged." -> "whole body goes rigid."
"She looks like such an angle when she's asleep." -> "She looks like such an angel when she's asleep."
"So, I don't think it's a secret to you that Larry has never been your biggest fan- nothing to do with you personally even he would admit that you're a good kid! . . . It's just, you know." -> "So, I don't think it's a secret to you that Larry has never been your biggest fan... nothing to do with you personally. Even he would admit that you're a good kid! It's just... you know."
"Then, a last year when you turned 18, Larry decided that the phone calls should end." -> Larry decided that the phone calls should end last year when you turned 18.
"I was- I was furious, with Larry and with myself for letting him dictate to me like that. " -> "I was... I was furious with Larry, and with myself, for letting him dictate to me like that. "
"No, our kids are raised, the twins went off to college last year, I've done my duty by my girls. I don't owe that man anything more." -> "No, our kids are raised. The twins went off to college last year. I've done my duty by my girls. I don't owe that man anything more."
"You've always seen your mom as being kind of a pushover, maybe you had her wrong all these years?" -> "You've always seen your mom as being kind of a pushover. Maybe you had her wrong all these years?"
"If your divorcing Dad," -> "If you're divorcing Dad,"
"It'll be like a sitcom, we can give each other dating advice and now that I've finally got big boobs like you, we can even share each other's clothes!" -> "It'll be like a sitcom. We can give each other dating advice. And now that I've finally got big boobs like you, we can even share each other's clothes!"
"I've still got a couple of small jobs I want to finish up outside and I want to finally fix that bathroom door but I should be able to get it ready pretty quickly. Me and Mom can go get her a bed and stuff tomorrow." -> "I've still got a couple of small jobs I want to finish up outside,and I want to finally fix that bathroom door. But I should be able to get it ready pretty quickly. Mom and I can go get her a bed and stuff tomorrow."
"Wonderful. For now I just need to go for a quick nap. Which room is your" -> "Wonderful. For now I just need to go for a quick nap. Which room is yours"
"More or less, just need to let the paint dry. I'll bike over to Mike tomorrow and see if I can borrow his van, me and Mom can go get her a bed and whatever else she needs while you're at school." -> "More or less... Just need to let the paint dry. I'll bike over to Mike tomorrow and see if I can borrow his van. Mom and I can go get her a bed and whatever else she needs while you're at school."
Broken images because Linux is case sensitive.
Home_is_where_the_whores_is/Images/Misc/BFast2.jpg should be Bfast2.jpg
Images/Misc/Blegs.jpg should be BLegs.jpg
/Images/Scenes/change/Change2.jpg should be /Images/Scenes/Change/Change2.jpg
So the title is very obviously a play on words. I knew that when i made my first comment. But you can't argue that, for a game that is mostly writing, grammar is very important. The title fills the important role of drawing people in. If there are obvious errors in writing, it says a lot about what a person can expect if they continue. I understand the word choice, but puns work best when you don't force them. It's like saying, "Hey, this is a joke. You should laugh now." Remember, sarcasm doesn't translate well into writing.
- Nov 25, 2018
- 225
- 377
I am happy even if a game features only three models getting paid to do scenes. It will be unique,erotic, refreshing and immersive. Also finding specific scenes from regular porn also work, but they do feel detached and weird. I mean one moment your main character getting laid looks like chechik, next she is some jav model how does that work exactly?
Game that comes to mind is EscortDreams. While it's a really decent game, the trans female is some asian model, soon as you get a PUSSYYYYYY :333 you instantly turn cockasian too.
- May 4, 2017
- 1,596
- 1,883
Yes, but it's not a fucking mistake, it's intentional. It's called a fucking play on words.
- Nov 25, 2018
- 225
- 377
There's a first time for everything and we all gotta start somewhere, dev. Like I said, I had my fun too, but in the end what matters is it takes courage to post your project online knowing it can and will be criticised.. You took the first step, good luck and keep polishing your skills!
Hey it's you! (don't tell the others but you're my favorite. Haha!)
Thanks so much for taking the time to do this again.
Oof! I have never felt more dyslexic that I do in this moment LOL. I spent like 5 hours the other day reading through this whole thing and by the end I was like "nailed it!". There were so many run on sentences! Once I knew to look for it they were everywhere! I know there are still going to be some but I got a bunch of them!
Also I know when to use your vs you're, and were vs we're. It's like my brain just fucking hides this shit form me sometimes! This is what I was talking about last time about how I don't use contractions as much as I should cause I worry about this kind of thing happening. Ugh!
Something new I learned is that it's taught for teaching not thought. I could have sworn taught was like "is the rope taught(as in tight.)". I think it's probably because of how people with Irish accents say it?
Well maybe it's a big brain move to tell people to expect poor grammar in the game. . .Did you think about that . . .?
It's not, but if people ask tell them it is OK? It makes me seem smarter. LOL
But on a real note. I get it if you don't like the title. I get it if you think it's bad. I totally see your argument against it. I knew all that before I published it. I still like the name.
That's not to say that you're wrong, your not. But, nor am I.
Don't get me wrong, if I had hire some models to shoot stuff for me money I totally would. In order to get to that place though a game would need to be on the go for a long time. Most games on here never earn enough to be anything more than a hobby for the creator.I am happy even if a game features only three models getting paid to do scenes. It will be unique,erotic, refreshing and immersive. Also finding specific scenes from regular porn also work, but they do feel detached and weird. I mean one moment your main character getting laid looks like chechik, next she is some jav model how does that work exactly?
By the time a game got to a place where it was earning that kind of money it would be an established thing and adding custom content could run into issues. Take for example if tomorrow the company decided to add custom content. Most of the girls in that game end up in group sex situations. How much would it cost to get that scene shot? Or if you dont have that character ever get that far are the fans going to be annoyed because they have an expectation.
I think in order for games like that to happen you would need to partner with a model form the start and make her an equal partner in the games success. . .Which someone surely must have thought of before now? Right? There must be some creator that has reached out to an aspiring only fans girl or something?
Thanks for the kind words. It might seem like a small thing but when you put something like this out you get shit on a lot. It really is nice when people are cool.
I'm not sure why this game got "kinetic novel" tag, anyway, the quality of some gifs drops too much in some places.
It's all
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- Jan 3, 2018
- 4,915
- 10,320
It's a failure due to poor grammar making the sentence not work.
Artists who want work as authors should be able to write, if they want appreciation.
I mostly added the Kinetic novel tag to make the point that the game doesn't have choices. I know it doesn't quite fit but I didn't notice any other tags that got that point across so I added at.
Yeah there are a few Gifs that aren't as clean as I would like. Sometimes I still use smaller gifs if I like the content. I think it looks better to scale them up to the size of the rest of the images rather than have them be clear but super small. It's a fair criticism though.
Dude, chill.
Your point has been noted, several times. You think that jokes need to have good grammar. I disagree. Calling me illiterate is a bit much no?
If the title is off putting to you just let the game pass you by. It's really not worth getting this worked up about.
It is not an English sentence. It is a title.
Note every game title is a correct sentence.
- Jan 3, 2018
- 4,915
- 10,320
It's a title taken from the expression "Home is where the heart is.", which is a sentence.
Couple of typos and more of a visual novel than a game, but overall a fun time and a complete "game".
Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for sharing!
That is true. But this game's title is still a title. You can't say it is a mistake, if the creator intended it this way.
I agree with you. I also think that the title "Home is where the whores are", would be better. But if he wants it this way, than it is his choice. There are other works where the choice of title does not make 100% sense but the product is still popular.
just finished your game. good time. thank you. looking forward to the next one.