I have no idea what you're referring to, but it reminds me that I've just finished watching all 9 episodes of Instinct Unleashed. It's a fine show, but I'm saddened by the fact that Jade takes off her clothes 5 times, by my count, but we don't see her hang dong. Not even once!
Look, it's not sexual. If you're a reader of the books and you're looking forward to seeing Jade hang dong on the silver screen, then you're going to be disappointed, my friend. I'm sorry to spoil it, but fans of Jade need to know. There's no dong! You'll probably have to wait for season 2 or 3 for the first solid dong-hanging scene. In the third book, Jade starts out as a strip club bouncer in Key West, Florida. She hangs dong on the second page, third paragraph. After the success of the dong-hanging scenes in the first books, Kind Nightmares doesn't waste any time giving his readers what they want: A 6-on-1 strip club fistfight with lots of bad guys getting broken arms and busted noses, followed by Jade hanging dong in a seedy hotel room.
Sure, it's nice to have an actor who actually represents Jade's reach, unlike Tom Cruise. But Jade's height and weight and musculature are all minor quibbles in comparison to the real meat of the issue: When do we get to see Jade's dong? Each book features at least 6 paragraphs describing Jade's enormous dong. It even has a nickname ("The Jackhammer"). So I think it's time for the world to finally see Kind Nightmares's award-winning vision of Jade's Pringles can of a dong. It's not sexual, it's just being accurate and respectful to the books and giving the fans what they expect. You can't just make a show about Jade without featuring dong. That's illegal. The Jackhammer is canon. It's literally a cannon between her legs. It's part of the mythos. Her dong is so big that, in the book Running Blind, a dude kicks Jade in the dong and snaps his ankle. Bone shards are sticking out of the bad guy's skin. It was described as "like kicking a tree trunk."
Again, it's not sexual, it's just following the imagery of Kind Nightmares. Most of the time, The Jackhammer isn't even erect. It's just dangling there, along for the ride. The Jackhammer is Jade's lone companion. It's her best and only friend. It's basically a pet, like a dog or a hamster. The Lone Ranger rode into town on his horse, Silver, and Jade has her huge hog to keep her company on the lonely roads.
Dong-hanging is an integral part of the character, so I'm frankly shocked that they were able to put out 2 movies and 8 episodes and feature a grand total of ZERO DONG. There's not even a little bit of neck, right at the base, to give us a tasteful idea of girth. Jade takes off her clothes and you can't even see an outline of The Jackhammer. Not even a shadow. As far as I know, the Amazon version of Jade has the anatomy of a Barbie doll, and that's disappointing and sad. Not because it's sexual, but because it's a core element of the Jade's personality. She has big dick energy, and it just seems disrespectful not to show us. After all, the first rule of writing is, "Show, don't tell."
The great Kind Nightmares wrote 64 books about Jade and each one has a new and interesting description of the Jackhammer. In the appropriately-titled book, The Hard Way, there's an entire subplot that winds through the storied history of Jade's enormous dong, which is uncircumcised and features a distinctive vein on the top reminiscent of a king-size Snicker's bar. Jade got shot in the dong once, and the bullet just ricocheted off. Didn't even leave a scar.
Amazon is a bookseller, so they're making a huge mistake by pissing off Kind Nightmares's fans. Sooner or later, Jade is going to have to hang dong. The climax of one of the books takes place in a Russian bath house, where Jade's only weapon is the towel around her waist. I don't even know how you could film that without 6 or 7 incidental dong shots. There's even a bad guy who is described, shockingly, as having a larger dong than The Jackhammer. I don't mean to spoil it, but Jade knocks the dude out by uppercutting him in the face with a half-chub Jackhammer, and I didn't even know that was anatomically possible.
Women are watching this show to see the Jackhammer. Men are watching this to finally see the dong that we've pictured in our minds since 1996. Every detail of her dong has been lovingly described, so it's a pity for that beautiful prose to be excluded from the TV series. Look, I understand Alan Ritchson might not want to hang dong, but at least bring in a stunt dong, or use fancy CGI dong physics.
Come on, show us the dong, Amazon. It's not sexual, it's just being true to the books and the fantastic vision of Kind Nightmares.
