This is a tricky balance to me too -- showing a fairly strong and normal behaved person that is very submissive behind closed doors. I think if a dominant female (ok just definitely thinking of myself here) saw the submissive bedroom behavior first, I might have a hard time separating this so easily from seeing a strong man in normal day to day life, but seeing it in the reverse -- strong exterior first -- and then discovering the submissive sexual nature might be easier for some strange reason. I have seen this combination though in real life, and actually in pretty high level executives!
So have I in colleagues, and to some extent in myself, and that is why it has piqued my curiosity. A psychologist I once talked to about such things suggested to me that dom(me)/sub interests may come from simple childhood experiences that have to do with relationships but not success/career in life -- you might, as she put it, have been more than usually interested in playing horsie with your sisters, perhaps because of the sheer delight they had in it (children can express sheer delight so openly and beautifully, it is easy to see why some people just want to spoil them), and your happiness at seeing their delight, thus creating a pattern. This can in principle happen for both sides, i.e. the "horsie" may enjoy the pleasure the little girl has while riding him, or the "rider" may enjoy the pleasure the little boy has while being ridden. (Same with reversed genders for other kinds of play, e.g., playing doctor.) This may lead to a pattern of enjoyment that, by the time you hit puberty, has recontextualized what might otherwise be bullying behavior by the dom(me) and/or self-harming behavior by the sub as sexy and arousing, and, as the people in question grow as people and learn more about feelings and bonds and consent and safety, may lead to a fully adult dom(me)/sub sexuality.
If that is how it happens, then this has in principle nothing to do with wanting to achieve goals in life and work and career, and/or wanting to have decision-making power in social structures (this has more to do, I think, with wanting to "create" and "amaze" others by your feats and deeds; it's more related to Jung's notion of the hero's journey, and it's also were things like "introvert/extrovert" belong: is the world your oyster, where you can act and do amazing things, or is it a threat that you have to protect yourself against?). The good/evil dimension tweaks this by making, say, "revenge / control over others" (usually a way of fencing off insecurities) or "protection / care of others" (usually a way of attracting validation) be one of the major goals. The interaction with the sexual preferences act comes when one realizes that sex is also a way to seek validation, and also a possible means of pursuing revenge/control and/or "defeating" insecurities; but it is not a direct connection, and all kinds of intricate relationships between these axes (good/evil or "morality," dom(me)/sub or "sexual power" -- a subset of "sexuality," and self-defense/self-affirmation or "self-actualization") can in principle be imagined.
Say, a character who is "introvert" (the world is a threat, I'm better off defending myself against it), but also a "dom" (I like to achieve pleasure via the pleasure of those I control) and "good" (I care about how others feel about themselves and the world, I care about them achieving their goals and growing, and I take this seriously into account when deciding how to pursue my goals). Or a character who is "extrovert/heroic" (the world is mine to conquer; I have something big to do, to contribute, to bring forth) but also a "sub" (I like to achieve pleasure via the pleasure of those who play with me as they see fit) and "evil" (I don't ultimately care about others and how they feel about themselves and the world; I don't ultimately care about their growth, or if they achieve their own goals or not, and if I think it's necessary for my goals to prevent them from achieving their goals then I will do exactly that). The latter two traits may seem contradictory, but actually aren't (I feel pleasure through the pleasure of others when using me, but I don't ultimately care about their growth or goals, especially if mine are at stake).
Such characters (and characters with other combinations of traits), and their interactions, would be a very interesting thing to see in games.
Or so it seems to me so far in life. In case I'm not just speculating nonsense.
