Funny to think the man who writes out a schizophrenic character can't play with you the same way you play my game.
I think I may have given off the wrong impression (or not, I will admit your implication here is hard to parse. I will assume you mean that as LiL is a representation of your mindscape we get to play with your mind whereas here I am refusing to be in your perception so as to not be "played with" by you which is unfair and one-sided). As it stands, the problem for me is that upon being observed I end up wanting to influence you. All of my posts when I'm aware of you observing me are an attempt to influence you to do something in the game - wearing different masks to inspire different responses. And as a reader I should not be trying to influence the author like that. We're here to read your work, not write our own works. My last post on the discord was trying a very overt move to influence you to potentially shift the direction of the meta plot I perceived as occurring within the work. Which is to say chastise you for revealing the extremely dumb-sounding intention for Ayane's beach scene to be a commentary on lust values in game and that the player has agency for simply not turning the game off - I felt like the western obsession for postmodern meta commentary was unduly corrupting your otherwise noble values of secondary belief. But that's downright embarrassing of me so I immediately had to leave. It's not my position to do so and it's embarrassing to imagine any post on discord would impact anything so significance. My nature is to be a corrupting influence for the worse and I don't want the media I'm engaging with to be worse or just copies of what I think is best (unlike some individuals). Of course, you are very mentally resilient and aware, so I don't think any real corruption occurred. But I don't like the fact I'm trying, and I don't get the impression you welcome this kind of thing, either. LiL is better off uninfluenced by me. Although it's intriguing to imagine a world in which you actually WANT people like me playing stupid mind games with you so you can talk circles around them. Or a world where you actually want users to corrupt your goals as part of the meta plot (which there is more than ample room for and actually kind of what I was afraid of back then). I have to say that your intentions are so multitudinous that even what may feel obvious to you end up feeling surprisingly opaque from the outside. In terms of you just generically psycho-analyzing and playing with me as form of torment similar to the torment you may feel with people playing your game, I don't mind. I have been through the wringer there. The horror for me only is how I'm writing even now with a small hope inside to inspire a meta comment from a character or a kitchen appliance to reference your f95 sockpuppeting now or something. But maybe that, too, is the horror you want to engender. If so I'd almost offer to rejoin the discord but I would probably be banned there for piracy now (lol) and I STRONGLY doubt you feel any significance towards me whatsoever beyond this brief exchange so instead I prefer to stop posting and keep LiL pure.
そしていつかは
寂しさから手を伸ばし
(there, I wrote something embarrassing in public and now feel tormented, be happy!)