VN Ren'Py Light of My Life [Ch.8 v0.8.2] [Naughty Road]

[Miðgarðsormr]

in the words of Heath Ledgers Joker "if your good at something never do it for free"

In the words of myself who writes for a living for over 20 years now. "I call BS"

Let me help you and provide you the standards for critique of a written story. So you stop stating your personal opinion how the game should work and how the story should go according to no one but yourself over and over again.

Spoiler: How to write critique

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Good luck.

 

[DIXEREX]

While I hate to be that writer that has to explain his story for the benefit of the reader, I'm gonna take a leap here and assume you skipped quite a bit on that part, given your earlier comments.

Your reasoning is flawed as the girls aren't related with each other or the MC at all unless you modify the game, but in hopping through the stale dialog (and who can blame you, really), you missed that there's in fact motivation there that's not hung up on non-existent kinship.

Just a thought, but have you considered providing feedback on a story you didn't actually pay attention to is not a very useful experience for either side of this conversation?

Point takin, but if that's the case then why drag on a dead NPC as a focused factor for the MC, if your stringing him along with 2 NPC's that play themselves off as innocent kids? It just defeats any purpose for any relationship growth or any real impacts in the story, its like walking a mile to find out that your right back at were you started. The story come's off as pointlessly dragging on with no clear cut point progression?

 

[Bill_Buttlicker]

in the words of Heath Ledgers Joker "if your good at something never do it for free"

And yet here you are criticizing this game for free.....which by your own words would indicate you're not very good at it

 

[Miðgarðsormr]

And yet here you are criticizing this game for free.....which by your own words would indicate you're not very good at it

He doesn't criticize anything. He tries to argue that the story serves no purpose (cause he doesn't understand it or keeps skipping it) and is frustrated he can't fingerblast someone already.

Point takin, but if that's the case then why drag on a dead NPC as a focused factor for the MC, if your stringing him along with 2 NPC's that play themselves off as innocent kids? It just defeats any purpose for any relationship growth or any real impacts in the story, its like walking a mile to find out that your right back at were you started. The story come's off as pointlessly dragging on with no clear cut point progression?

This makes literally 0 sense. But nice try.

 

[Yui2385]

Some sort of walkthrough?, I Literally don't get any scene that other people describe.

 

[DIXEREX]

In the words of myself who writes for a living for over 20 years now. "I call BS"

Let me help you and provide you the standards for critique of a written story. So you stop stating your personal opinion how the game should work and how the story should go according to no one but yourself over and over again.

Spoiler: How to write critique

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Good luck.

hey who said I'm a writer? Mr. 20 Years, w/e you guy's wanna believe is up to you but hey if I'm wrong I will take that with a grain salt I have no ego to bruise, but that doesn't mean my opinion can't be any more valid as anyone else's so there, there

 

[Miðgarðsormr]

hey who said I'm a writer? Mr. 20 Years, w/e you guy's wanna believe is up to you but hey if I'm wrong I will take that with a grain salt I have no ego to bruise, but that doesn't mean my opinion can't be any more valid as anyone else's so there, there

You implied it with this after someone told you that you made it appear that you would write a way better story.

in the words of Heath Ledgers Joker "if your good at something never do it for free"

Free or not if you would know anything to improve this story you would have already done so.
If i would bruise my ego i would post the list of my books. So try again. I simply call you out on your BS.

So far you didn't criticize anything of this game. However you keep repeating your opinion over and over again as some thing the dev has to follow in order to make a good story. If my opinion is that the night is better and yours is the day is better we are both right. Thats however not critique of any sort.

No one is questioning your opinion. We are annoyed of you repeating it over and over again like you expect something happening when you do aside from getting everyone mad sooner or later. Including the mods.

Since you claim to be so good you will now tell us how this story can be improved. We are all eager to read.

Some sort of walkthrough?, I Literally don't get any scene that other people describe.

What scene you mean?

 

[Bill_Buttlicker]

hey who said I'm a writer? Mr. 20 Years, w/e you guy's wanna believe is up to you but hey if I'm wrong I will take that with a grain salt I have no ego to bruise, but that doesn't mean my opinion can't be any more valid as anyone else's so there, there

If your opinion is wrong then it is invalid.

 

[DIXEREX]

You implied it with this after someone told you that you made it appear that you would write a way better story.


Free or not if you would know anything to improve this story you would have already done so.
If i would bruise my ego i would post the list of my books. So try again. I simply call you out on your BS.

So far you didn't criticize anything of this game. However you keep repeating your opinion over and over again as some thing the dev has to follow in order to make a good story. If my opinion is that the night is better and yours is the day is better we are both right. Thats however not critique of any sort.

No one is questioning your opinion. We are annoyed of you repeating it over and over again like you expect something happening when you do aside from getting everyone mad sooner or later. Including the mods.

Since you claim to be so good you will now tell us how this story can be improved. We are all eager to read.




What scene you mean?

Well first the MC needs to move on from his dead wife for starters, second I would like to see the MC not make everything into a teachable moment and use some corruption methods, third I would at least like for the NPC's growth in there love for the MC to show, cuz I have there love at 10 and it doesn't seem to matter at all?

 

[_Utakata_]

These newbies who complain always complain about the same things
Not able to have sex with daughters
takes to long between each update
Daughters are to ugly
And thats my problem with them complaining Its always the same complains you see here

 

[steelsmiter]

hey who said I'm a writer? Mr. 20 Years, w/e you guy's wanna believe is up to you but hey if I'm wrong I will take that with a grain salt I have no ego to bruise, but that doesn't mean my opinion can't be any more valid as anyone else's so there, there

The way you phrased that does mean that.

 

[Deleted member 990347]

This game isn't so much about sexual content,
But the story and the emotional rollercoaster it contains.

People who don't play for story will likely feel jelousy,
At the fact the MC doesn't get any while the Wards have fun,
Those people should avoid this game like they would if it had the NSC tag,
Instead of lingering here complaining about it.

Their experience left a bad stench that's stuck in their nose,
So they linger here hoping to change it,
Till they realize they can't and eventually get over it n' move on.

Even when the MC finally starts getting some,
Those story skippers will still hate it,
Lest they request saves to skip to that point.

 

[Miðgarðsormr]

Thank you for walking right into my trap that proves you read nothing of the dialouge in the game and have literally no clue what you are even talking about. Awesome job

Well first the MC needs to move on from his dead wife for starters,

That is literally what is happening inside the story.

second I would like to see the MC not make everything into a teachable moment and use some corruption methods,

So you want the Dev to rewrite the entire story because you don't like it the way it is? You must be fun at movie nights.

third I would at least like for the NPC's growth in there love for the MC to show,
cuz I have there love at 10 and it doesn't seem to matter at all?

Ah yes let me guess. 10 Love points means she should instantly suck the MC off and let him piledriver her into pregnancy right?
You see the problem with this is those are love points not lust points.
Before i educate you on what love even is i suggest you read up on the difference between love and lust.

Because you see. It does show inside the story. But since you did not read any of the dialouge you do not see it, nor understand it. Nor does it make any sense talking any further with you cause not only have you not shown any substantial to say for 3 pages now. You also just proven to not have read a single word inside the entire story of this game......

Welcome to my ignore list......

 

[Bill_Buttlicker]

Thank you for walking right into my trap...

Your evil plan is now complete....

 

[lineage0]

Can't wait to see some penetration in 2023

 

[dreichi]

My favorite game by far

 

[DIXEREX]

Thank you for walking right into my trap that proves you read nothing of the dialouge in the game and have literally no clue what you are even talking about. Awesome job

That is literally what is happening inside the story.


So you want the Dev to rewrite the entire story because you don't like it the way it is? You must be fun at movie nights.



Ah yes let me guess. 10 Love points means she should instantly suck the MC off and let him piledriver her into pregnancy right?
You see the problem with this is those are love points not lust points.
Before i educate you on what love even is i suggest you read up on the difference between love and lust.

Because you see. It does show inside the story. But since you did not read any of the dialouge you do not see it, nor understand it. Nor does it make any sense talking any further with you cause not only have you not shown any substantial to say for 3 pages now. You also just proven to not have read a single word inside the entire story of this game......

Welcome to my ignore list......

Petty

 

[yoyomistro]

The sooner schools re-open the better....

Given how well the story has sunk in for some of these folks I don't think formal education is helping them much... But I guess it might take them off our hands...

In the words of myself who writes for a living for over 20 years now. "I call BS"

Let me help you and provide you the standards for critique of a written story. So you stop stating your personal opinion how the game should work and how the story should go according to no one but yourself over and over again.

Spoiler: How to write critique

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

Good luck.

You can approach it from that PoV as writing dramatic characters/for believability in the vein of screenwriting or modern non-canonical fiction, you can approach it from a rhetorical analytical perspective in the vein of archetypical western canonical styles, either way this is extremely well written. I'm not gonna waste time arguing with people for whom those mean nothing.

Trust me, I'm here for your typical harem/corruption/build points then bang stuff, I'm no highbrow consumer, but I'm also not obtuse and know when someone is creating something else entirely. There's another game with a similar level of slow-burn on here called Research into Affection, but it's so repetitive and poorly written that I haven't been able to finish it to write what I assume will be an excoriating review. This is not that, and I'm not going to engage much directly with people who can't tell the difference.

 

[DIXEREX]

Your evil plan is now complete....
View attachment 981909

cerebrate ur self's yah hunts

 

[Bill_Buttlicker]

cerebrate ur self's yah hunts

Sorry I don't speak gobbledygook. Can you translate that into something that resembles English?