Agreed on bbc fetish.
It was really unfortunate there was zero diversity in those kind of scenes, both with the way they looked and the way all the other male npcs acted - it's like a script out of some high school dork's head; a la all the other guys are out to get me. The frequency with which you see these tropes combined with stuff like-
"I can see the impact of the comment on Bree."
"It hits her almost like a physical blow, as if her dad had slapped her across the face."
"She looks down at her lap, and I already know tears are forming in the corner of her eyes."
mike.say "Bree, would you come over here?"
"My tone is authoritative, letting her know that I expect obedience."
One could reasonable infer the writer isn't a very social person. Yes, fiction is fiction, but sometimes the overall tone and framing is a little too transparent - if anyone remembers those old netvideogirls porn videos, its like the creeper host from that; yeah he's playing a role, but he's a little too comfortable in it and seems to be second nature.
Dont get me wrong there's a lot in this game to like, but dialogue is not a strong point.
I really, really hate it when pseudo intellectuals try and analyze stories, porn or otherwise.
Yeah, the Dev probably enjoys some light bdsm or master/slave roleplay, otherwise, WHY WOULD THEY PUT IT IN THE GAME?
If it makes you uncomfortable, don't play those routes. As for the dialogue (almost all of what you quoted is descriptive writing, NOT dialogue, btw), I would judge it to be above average. Writing is hard. It really comes down to two things, realism vs flow. If you look at a well written piece of media, 'good' dialogue is nothing like a real conversation, there's no repetition, no 'umms' or 'uhhhs', conversations are efficient and snappy, characters often voice lines purely to set up for another character to crack a one-liner. For example, the most recent Dr. Strange film had the 'he can destroy you with one word from his mouth' line. Which we can all hear is
wrong, somehow. After all, why would anyone specify where words come from? We all know they come from mouths?
It's because he was setting up the line for YOU, the audience. So the next character could glibly reply, 'what mouth?' before killing him. Even well written media like GOT or the Wire have these sorts of lines (Dr. Strange was just an obvious example of it being done terribly). But the point is that dialogue is different from real life conversations, its meant to be part of a story. And so unlike real life conversations, which focus on conveying information and occasionally emotion. Story dialogue is meant to convey tone, plot, setting and scene objectives (humor, horror, adventure, whatever) which goes back to my point. It needs to be
efficient.
The second thing media dialogue needs, is to
feel real (without being real). George Lucas is a great example of wooden, meandering, over complicated dialogue that doesn't sound anything like a real conversation (watch the prequels, especially Ep 2 without wanting to kill yourself over that 'love story'). But look at Casablanca (considered by many to be the finest romance film of all time), are the dialogues really what it sounds like in any relationship? Of course not. But as long as they seem like they are withint the realm of possibility our brains forgive this, and allow us to stay engaged in the film. It's called the Suspension of Disbelief, not the Complete Acceptance of Reality, after all.
From this we can extrapolate that the first criteria is far, far more important than the second. So long as the dialogue (or any writing in the piece) is entertaining enough and conveys its primary emotion (in this case, inducing lust in the us, the players) we will forgive more in terms of reality. After all, do any of us think that the majority of women we meet would be okay being part of a harem? Of course not. That's not how people work, and the ones that would accept it, have severe emotional problems that would make them very, very unfun to date. But Harems are 'hot' so we accept that you are just able to woo the ladies into a polygamous relationship.
Similarly, most girls would not want to be collared or subjegated. Again, the dialogue is a bit clumsy there, but its not going for subtlety. The Dev isn't using a scalpel, he's swinging a hammer, trying to fire you up at the act of breaking this girl for your pleasure. It works. It's effective. If he were really trying for realism, most likely what would happen is you would try to break Bree down and she would dump your ass. But the problem is that isn't nearly as 'fun' for you, the player as unrealistic success.
I think you should try to write something yourself before you criticize others, because you don't seem to appreciate the skill or artistry involved in it.
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