The intro is just painful. Infodump about 20 characters that I don't care about and have no context for. Then a completely irrelevant and overly long dream sequence. Feels like the developer realised the infodump was extremely dull so they decided to shoehorn in a sex scene to make it less boring. But almost nobody likes dream sex scenes, because everything that happens is inconsequential - especially if it's characters that are completely unrelated to the story, like in this case.
All of this comes off as extremely amateurish. The reader's eyes will glaze over after the 5th character and they will forget everything.
Character info should be drip-fed to the players, and in context. For example, after the MC wakes up he talks with Shawn - give us his backstory. Then we're interrupted by Ryu - again, perfect moment to provide the reader with his background. After that, Ms. Summers interjects - who's that? Comes off way more natural and makes it easier to retain info in my opinion.
Also, SIX ambient volume sliders?
All of this comes off as extremely amateurish. The reader's eyes will glaze over after the 5th character and they will forget everything.
Character info should be drip-fed to the players, and in context. For example, after the MC wakes up he talks with Shawn - give us his backstory. Then we're interrupted by Ryu - again, perfect moment to provide the reader with his background. After that, Ms. Summers interjects - who's that? Comes off way more natural and makes it easier to retain info in my opinion.
Also, SIX ambient volume sliders?