- Jun 4, 2017
- 355
- 639
IMO the story mode is way to wordy. It reads like one of those Danielle Steel romance novels that my mom used to read. If your adult harem VN, geared towards men, reads like a girly romance novel for women, that's not good. There is too much telling (inner monologue), and not enough showing (renders). Don't tell me that a female character bit her bottom lip, or did something sexy; show me that. Detailed descriptions of perfume scents, the tone in a person's voice, "feeling the heat" of a person's body, and seeing the "burning lust" in a person's eyes, generally do nothing for guys. It works from the POV of the aunt; because those are things that women observe, and those are the types of things that turn them on. So reading it from the female POV is sexy. However, from the POV of the MC, it's laborious to read. It doesn't flow naturally, because it's not the way men think. Particularly a young man, such as the MC, who is essentially a college student that just got his cherry popped at the beginning of the story.
Basically, the inner monologue of a 19-21ish year old guy shouldn't read exactly the same as the inner monologue of a 40ish year old woman.
The story mode needs more dialogue between the characters, a lot less inner monologue, and more renders actually depicting what the characters are telling us in their inner monologues.
Basically, the inner monologue of a 19-21ish year old guy shouldn't read exactly the same as the inner monologue of a 40ish year old woman.
The story mode needs more dialogue between the characters, a lot less inner monologue, and more renders actually depicting what the characters are telling us in their inner monologues.
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