Funny: Is the misspelling of the sign in the clinic deliberate? It had me laughing.
I wouldn't really say deliberate, it was messed up by AI and I thought it has no harm so I just kept it like that.
Are we supposed to assume this is taking place in Florida? LOL. The architecture and trees look like it.
My setting is loosely based on California—I hope it captures a similar atmosphere to reality. I haven’t actually been there myself, so I mainly relied on Google Maps to get a sense of the environment and see if it matched the mood I had in mind.
That said, there might be elements that aren’t entirely authentic. But I also don’t plan to specify a real location in the game, just to avoid any potential disputes or uncomfortable associations.
Visuals: First, I will just heap praise on Grace’s body! Among other things I’d like to do to it… Maybe make her ears a bit smaller? A bit less red? But that’s it. Her blush is cute, the earrings matching her eyes is a really neat touch. Her outfits are great.
Yeah, everything you mentioned is exactly what I tried to put more effort into. But unfortunately, I don’t really have the ability to achieve that level of subtlety for ears—and by “subtle,” I don’t mean it in the usual sense.
Since AI is trained on large datasets, it tends to focus on features that are more commonly emphasized. I know some people do care about things like ears—one of my friends once told me I had nice ears, so I get it—but no offense, I feel like
most people don’t really pay close attention to them as long as they don’t look unusual. Because of that, the training data probably doesn’t push the model to be especially sensitive or nuanced when it comes to ear shapes.
Grace’s stretching scene is magnificently animated. Seeing her shirt go from stretched to wrinkled, the way her face changes, her boobs get squished, great. Love the sweat marks when Grace is on the bike. The tits, man, WOO, although maybe a bit more movement? I can tell you emphasized the movement of her thighs and hips but her tits should sway a bit. Don’t listen to the naysayers on them, you have a talent for titty. ALL HAIL BIG TIDD.
No, I won't. I will lose passion when making female figures I don't like.
On the Dad… um… is he supposed to look smug all the time? If so, cool, just wondering if that was planned or AI playing tricks. His thoughtful look is very good. I like the fact father and son have the same eyes. His overall body is right on target. Be interesting to see him dressed up in alternate outfits – suit, maybe something for a cookout or silly?
Umm… I wouldn’t go as far as calling it “smug” to that extent. To me, “smug” feels more like Tony Stark—and while I do plan to depict him with that kind of confident charm, it’s without the arrogance. And yeah, I will give him another outfit, but no guarantee on what kind.
The only negative I have of the visuals is the face of the Kuck-to-be. He looks far too young in comparison to Grace. Grace looks young, sure, but mature, both due to her face and her curves. As to the Kuck, I’m not talking about his whole body, I know the reason why he looks like a twig, LOL. But maybe make his face a little wider, his hair a bit more mature looking, like an office guy rather than a anime character? Or, since he’s supposed to be dealing with stress and such, add wrinkles? Like he’s prematurely aging? Looking at them, I think that Grace looks in her late twenties, while the husband looks like he’s about to start college.
I actually spent the least effort on the MC—but even so, there are still some details I’m okay with in this version.
Hairstyle: He’s more like a freelancer, and I think the current style suits that kind of personality.
Face: Same reasoning—it aligns with the vibe I want for him.
Pressure: You mentioned adding wrinkles, but I chose to show it through paleness instead—I did intentionally make him look pale to reflect that.
Visuals I’d like to see: any way to show the three characters standing side by side, so we can see how their heights play off one another. I imagine the Kuck-to-be and Grace are both under six feet, and his dad’s six and a half? Would be nice to see some comparisons – kind of like in King of Summer in some of the first few scenes.
I suppose the main menu kind of conveys that feeling—though they’re not exactly standing on the same surface or at the same level.
If you mean literally having all three characters standing together at the same distance and height level, maybe even full-body, I honestly can’t think of a scene or scenario where that would naturally happen. So at the moment, I don’t really have an answer for that.
The first choice is written out as a way to be a telling decision in terms of the prospective Kuck’s mental state, how he views his wife and how she’s putting up with his problems. But the following writing doesn’t match. It becomes the same regardless of which choice you go with here very quickly. That is a problem going forward for most of the other choices. For this first one, though, maybe have the writing following one choice can be more introspective, the other more praise about his wife, a bit more of their background?
Overall, I understand you are going for subtlety, but I think there needs to be more differences in the writing after the choices. Sorry.
I think all the facts you mention actually have connection and it's also a trade-off. If I really extend too much content of difference and I think the options are not just few, the story volume will grow exponentially. So what I tried to do was using some subtle difference and it is more like subconciousness so the texts among options don't differ that much, and also the following dialogues/monologues will not differ that much. And this all because it just starts. After the story progress and the MC discover more clearly about what he wants or what he doesn't want, it will become more obvious and the impact will become larger.
Dialogue: I’m not talking the overall writing, rather the back and forth between the characters. It feels… wooden in places. I really liked most of the written dialogue between the three characters in your other game. Here, the back and forth between the Kuck and Grace in the car and in the bedroom feels very stilted.
A few of the lines also are just kind of meh – one line where the kuck is describing Grace’s warmth, ‘I’m here, I see you.’ EH? I understand that it is not suppose to be passionate, but I see you is too vague. Grace’s line where she’s talking about the gym outside of it also feels off, and I’m not talking about the period separating the word ‘Apparently’ into it’s own sentence. The kuck’s response isn’t the best either, although I am wondering if that’s just how you’re writing him: kind of out of it, kind of beaten down, unable to go with the punches or react well to anything new.
- "I’m here, I see you." and "Apparently" — To be honest, I’m not quite sure what the issue is. I mean, there’s probably a better way to express it, but like I’ve always said, while I can’t draw, I do have AI—and I think I have a decent sense of style and visual aesthetics. When it comes to writing, my strength lies in clearly knowing what I want to express or convey, but I often struggle to identify better words or phrasing. As for “Apparently,” I think that was just something I didn’t get around to editing properly. I would’ve probably just used a comma instead of starting a new sentence.
- Car and Bedroom scenes — I’m not sure what you felt was off about the car scene, but I actually put a lot of effort into it. There’s a hidden event that’s still haunting Eric—something that hasn’t been revealed yet. That lingering tension is what I was trying to build beneath the surface of the dialogue. As for the bedroom scene, I’ll admit I didn’t give that one as much thought at the time. I just knew it was necessary for the story’s progression, but in terms of ideas or emotional depth, it’s probably the scene I was least inspired for.
In contrast, the women’s thoughts on the dad flow very well. I would object to using the term ‘loyal’ when Grace comments on it. A better word would be ‘enthusiastic’ or animated, maybe.
There are several other lines like that which come out of nowhere or just aren’t well chosen, but I won’t mention them all here. I just think the back and forth between the married couple needs some work. Is that deliberate? A sign of the issues between them? If so, it works, but I’m just wondering. I just think there needs to be more of a sign that this married couple has been together for a while, some bits of that connection, of knowing one another, above and beyond coffee preferences.
The scene where the Kuck-to-be tries to get it up is very well done, dialogue-wise and visually. However… even if he can’t get it up, if he’s interested in her body, he can do a lot for Grace that doesn’t involve his dick. The fact neither mentioned the idea is a bit strange.
I like the introspection moments in the gym. Very well done. I also like the hints that the husband knows things about the old man and women he’s not comfortable with.
This line, though: ‘Coming Here might be her way of believing in us when I’m not sure I do’. That both doesn’t make sense at that point with the rest of his monologue – like his brain just took a hard right turn, it needs to be mentioned. And it also needs to be explained. Believing in us is a much bigger deal than his just not getting it up. Are they having other problems?
Same for ‘She’s Glowing. Not From showing off. Just from being present’ – Not certain about that line. Could be ‘She’s glowing, not because she’s trying to show off, but because of how much she enjoyed exercising.’ - the first makes it sound almost like the Kuck thinks that exercise and showing off go hand in hand, or was expecting Grace to want to show off? Confusing.
The exercise stuff was really well done. Nice work!
Grace’s thoughts in the shower, her self doubts are great. Also… HNGGGGG – yes. Yes, you do titty verrrry well. Wow. The segue to thinking about exercising though is a bit too abrupt I think. The whole thing going from holding something something more than just softness to something real, warm alive, it is confusing.
The bit in the bedroom right before the last choice makes it feel as if the kuck has abandoned all intimacy because of his issue? Really? That is beyond harsh, or could be seen as really self-centered. Is that deliberate? Same with the last line – feels like home. So their old place wasn’t welcoming.
NEED MORE INFORMATION about their background. This was good, a really interesting segue, and I’m glad to know that our choices will impact the story line of the game. Good luck going forward!
“Coming here might be her way of believing in us when I’m not sure I do” — What I meant with “I’m not sure I do” is that Eric isn’t sure he can believe in
himself to recover. As for “her way of believing in us,” it’s meant to show that Eric understands Grace doesn’t place all the responsibility on him alone—so it’s
her way of expressing belief in
both of them.
“She’s glowing. Not from showing off. Just from being present.” — Yeah, I agree your suggestion reads better. Like I mentioned before, these kinds of things often fall outside my ability to notice on my own. There are probably quite a few lines that could use polishing, but I might miss them unless someone points out a better version.
The last scene is actually from Grace’s POV—sorry that wasn’t clear and caused confusion. So the line
“feels like home” is Grace’s thought.
About background info — I prefer to reveal their backgrounds in later chapters, since Chapter 1 already has a lot for players to take in.
All in all, thank you for the detailed feedback. I’m sorry that some things may have disappointed you due to my limitations, but I truly appreciate the insight—and I’ll do my best to keep improving moving forward.
