VN Ren'Py Completed Office Rivals [v1.0.02] [ParkedHearts]

[FatYoda]

You missed the important point of the conversation at the office: a cover-up story that should've been dismissed easily, but instead taken too seriously by her colleagues.

1. Their colleagues don't know what happened to Nanako the previous night.
2. They only see what happens at the office, without context.
3. They don't know who Isamu is, but they see him sending her flowers.
4. So now they will speculate (scandalous!).
5. She can't just explain things, because it's her personal life, it's unprofessional to do so at work.
6. Gee and Michelle know people will speculate.
7. So they fabricate a story, something that's enough to 'explain' why Isamu keeps coming over, but also trivial enough to quickly move on from.
8. In their fake story, they reduce Isamu to a just creepy stalker.
9. Nanako is relieved that there's a cover story, but she wants to move on.
10. Her colleagues take the fabricated story wayyy too seriously.
11. They crowd her and comfort her based on that fake story.
12. It gets awkward for her, she wants to get away from the scrutiny.

Therefore, "It's not that serious. I don't know him, he's just a creepy stalker sending me flowers. Can we just move on from this, now that you guys know the 'truth' (in which I'm not painted in a scandalous light)?"

Basically it's one of those awkward social situations that happen all the time. Especially in a professional setting, you gotta be on your toes with these things. I thought it was clear enough.

Thanks for the feedback, though. I'll modify the writing a little bit so that it's clearer.

Hmmm...OK maybe. But even when she told mc he had spiked her drink she acted like it wasnt a big deal. She has downplayed the threat he posed the whole game. We'll see when the weekend comes i guess. Hopefully she stands up to her parents. At the very least she better not pretend he didn't just try to rape her.

Edit: just noticed you're the dev. Thought someone was speculating. I'm glad you explained it. I was worried she was still convinced he was merely an annoyance.

Edit2: I think if she broke down and cried when she's in his arms falling asleep it would be the only change necessary. While she's crying maybe she whispers thank you. Mc could grab her chin and have her look him in the eyes and maybe that could be the first time he tells her he loves her? Kiss her on the forhead and the pull her back into the hug and then she sleeps. That'd be enough to make it obvious she recognizes how big a deal that was.

 

[euphoriquelaborieux]

You missed the important point of the conversation at the office: a cover-up story that should've been dismissed easily, but instead taken too seriously by her colleagues.

1. Their colleagues don't know what happened to Nanako the previous night.
2. They only see what happens at the office, without context.
3. They don't know who Isamu is, but they see him sending her flowers.
4. So now they will speculate (scandalous!).
5. She can't just explain things, because it's her personal life, it's unprofessional to do so at work.
6. Gee and Michelle know people will speculate.
7. So they fabricate a story, something that's enough to 'explain' why Isamu keeps coming over, but also trivial enough to quickly move on from.
8. In their fake story, they reduce Isamu to a just creepy stalker.
9. Nanako is relieved that there's a cover story, but she wants to move on.
10. Her colleagues take the fabricated story wayyy too seriously.
11. They crowd her and comfort her based on that fake story.
12. It gets awkward for her, she wants to get away from the scrutiny.

Therefore, "It's not that serious. I don't know him, he's just a creepy stalker sending me flowers. Can we just move on from this, now that you guys know the 'truth' (in which I'm not painted in a scandalous light)?"

Basically it's one of those awkward social situations that happen all the time. Especially in a professional setting, you gotta be on your toes with these things. I thought it was clear enough.

Thanks for the feedback, though. I'll modify the writing a little bit so that it's clearer.

Bonjour mon ami, do you think you can add la Français translation?

 

[ParkGDev]

But I guess she could still be in a little shock when she gets home and not be ready to admit what was about to happen. I feel like there should be a point where she breaks down a little bit. A near miss like that for women is pretty fucking traumatic. Not necessarily long term trauma, but when she gets home in his arms and really thinks about what could have happened...Maybe have her fall asleep in his arms that night crying?

Correct, this is exactly what happened (edit; with her when she's picked up by her friends, off-screen).

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There's a lot of subtleties with this particular plotpoint, which can be 'read' from the demeanour and decisions of the characters.

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Either way, with this feedback, I think a small rewrite is required to make it clearer. I avoided from making too much explanation in the game, as I want to give the players the space to set their own logical presumption.

Thanks for the feedback!

 

[ParkGDev]

Bonjour mon ami, do you think you can add la Français translation?

I'd love too, but translation depends on the budget. For now, the budget is very insufficient, given the huge amount of texts in this VN too. Usually small-budget VNs like this can only rely on fans or community translations. There are Italian and Spanish translation by fans but French, I'm not so sure! Sorry!

 

[FatYoda]

Correct, this is exactly what happened (edit; with her when she's picked up by her friends, off-screen).

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There's a lot of subtleties with this particular plotpoint, which can be 'read' from the demeanour and decisions of the characters.

Spoiler

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Either way, with this feedback, I think a small rewrite is required to make it clearer. I avoided from making too much explanation in the game, as I want to give the players the space to set their own logical presumption.

Thanks for the feedback!

It's probably just me then. I've been playing a lot of ntr recently and one of my least favorite things about them is how illogically the characters react to things that should be a big deal. I guess im also used to even the most worthless antagonist being a problem and even the strongest seeming fmc being weak...I love your game though, keep up the good work.

Edit: First time here though...curious about the update schedule. Not trying to rush, just wondering how long the updates generally take.

 

[ParkGDev]

It's probably just me then. I've been playing a lot of ntr recently and one of my least favorite things about them is how illogically the characters react to things that should be a big deal.

I'm partly to blame as well, no worries.

See, it's feedback like this that I really love! It allows me to gauge the balance between having clear expositions in the story, with leaving some space for players to put their own logical assumptions. As devs, we respect and allow players the space to put 2 and 2 together instead of handholding them. But sometimes, it can be too subtle as well. It's a tricky thing!

As for Nanako, she's been established as the kind of character that stands on her own, but also not flawless. She has her own fears and dilemma (her family), but clearly not the type that would abandon all logic in the middle of the story to get like, bukake by 10 guys because "they will release my lewd pics.. well of course I could report this to the police as blackmail but why would I do that?" (aka NTR doujin 'logic').

I'll revise this particular plotpoint and make some writing changes.

 

[ParkGDev]

I guess im also used to even the most worthless antagonist being a problem and even the strongest seeming fmc being weak...I love your game though, keep up the good work.

Edit: First time here though...curious about the update schedule. Not trying to rush, just wondering how long the updates generally take.

Sorry but that nonsense wouldn't occur in my works (for example FMC gets blackmailed by the dumbest of things. I mean come on if the perv reveals that he put a secret camera in your bedroom, then file a police report. "But my boyfriend will find out I pleasure myself", yeah everyone does it, he'll understand. Make a police report, ma'am).

Characterization is a huge part of my focus, I can go on and on about it as I had done here: https://f95zone.to/threads/office-rivals-ch-4-v0-4-09-parkedhearts.186232/post-16939795

Major story update is around 2 months in between. Sometimes I would roll out a major but non-story update in between as well.

 

[ParkGDev]

Aww thats too bad, thank you mon ami.

If you wanna do the translation, be my guess!

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[FatYoda]

Sorry but that nonsense wouldn't occur in my works (for example FMC gets blackmailed by the dumbest of things. I mean come on if the perv reveals that he put a secret camera in your bedroom, then file a police report. "But my boyfriend will find out I pleasure myself", yeah everyone does it, he'll understand. Make a police report, ma'am).

Characterization is a huge part of my focus, I can go on and on about it as I had done here: https://f95zone.to/threads/office-rivals-ch-4-v0-4-09-parkedhearts.186232/post-16939795

Major story update is around 2 months in between. Sometimes I would roll out a major but non-story update in between as well.

I guess when i read it with my brain being as fucked as it can get with NTR...her saying it wasn't a big deal (it's the go-to reaction to anything in those games that is a big deal, but the dev is trying to kick the can down the road to draw it out)...sounds like the FMC's in all those novels telling the MC that it's no big deal that every guy in town is hitting on her...that they're all just being nice. I even recognized that in that instance maybe you don't want to go into details about the fact you nearly got raped to your entire workplace...but i overreacted anyway. I don't know...but anyway, thanks for the discussion. Gonna have to go check out the first one tomorrow...also...why is everyone talking about MMA sim or something in your chat?

 

[ParkGDev]

Hi everyone. I don't have the ability to moderate this thread (only mods can do that), but I respectfully request everyone to return the topic back to Office Rivals, instead of debating about other unrelated games. It makes me feel bad to see these arguments as well, partly because of my lighthearted prank that got taken seriously.

Please? Thanks. For Nanako's sake!

 

[Darkbreed]

Hi everyone. I don't have the ability to moderate this thread (only mods can do that), but I respectfully request everyone to return the topic back to Office Rivals, instead of debating about other unrelated games. It makes me feel bad to see these arguments as well, partly because of my lighthearted prank that got taken seriously.

Please? Thanks. For Nanako's sake!

Welcome to the big leagues of f95 bro/sis. this stuff is common dont take it to heart. But im done here dont worry.

 

[RebirthBoi]

Hi everyone. I don't have the ability to moderate this thread (only mods can do that), but I respectfully request everyone to return the topic back to Office Rivals, instead of debating about other unrelated games. It makes me feel bad to see these arguments as well, partly because of my lighthearted prank that got taken seriously.

Please? Thanks. For Nanako's sake!

Feels bad for you man, people here are too much of a snowflake to get your prank. Your prank was funny, don't stop doing that.

 

[DD-MegaDoDo]

allow me to get this thread back on topic – why's every character have a massive gash on their face?

 

[ParkGDev]

Hi everyone! Office Rivals is out on Steam now!
I know it's the high seas, but I know some of you have expressed interest to support it on Steam, so thank you! If you have an enjoyable story experience, leaving a review (simple or detailed), will go a long way to help the VN!



Friendly Favours - Done
Office Rivals - Done and released on Steam!
Onto the next project!

Cheers!

 

[cowardleech]

Hi everyone! Office Rivals is out on Steam now!
I know it's the high seas, but I know some of you have expressed interest to support it on Steam, so thank you! If you have an enjoyable story experience, leaving a review (simple or detailed), will go a long way to help the VN!

Friendly Favours - Done
Office Rivals - Done and released on Steam!
Onto the next project!

Cheers!

What did you mean done with Office rivals, you planned on doing 5 chapters right?

 

[ParkGDev]

What did you mean done with Office rivals, you planned on doing 5 chapters right?

Hi, yup it's done! 5 Chapters now in the first release version.

 

[SomeoneX22]

Hi, yup it's done! 5 Chapters now in the first release version.

Bought it on Steam, little disappointed there is no anal scene with Nanako, but still enjoyed her bush. It's rare to see bush peeking from underwear fetish in games

 

[cowardleech]

Hi, yup it's done! 5 Chapters now in the first release version.

Wait so do you mean there are 5 chapters in the steam version (currently)?

 

[ParkGDev]

Bought it on Steam, little disappointed there is no anal scene with Nanako, but still enjoyed her bush. It's rare to see bush peeking from underwear fetish in games

Thanks for supporting! Feel free to leave a Steam review as well, it'd really help! <3 And wow finally someone noticed the more subtle kinks in the VN, hehe. LIs with pubic hair is common in my works, so expect more.

Wait so do you mean there are 5 chapters in the steam version (currently)?

Yup! If there aren't 5 chapters, there's no reason for me to release it on Steam and call it completed. This release is the first completed version, with endings and all.

 

[cowardleech]

Yup! If there aren't 5 chapters, there's no reason for me to release it on Steam and call it completed. This release is the first completed version, with endings and all.

Bought