I definitely agree with the general objections to how Lena reacts to Ian and Holly. Hopefully at least some of the internal monologue will be altered in the final version.
One other scene I felt was a bit underwhelming was the one between Lena and Jeremy. Firstly, the way they initiated contact was cleverly executed, with Jeremy messaging Lena to ask about Louise (or at least using it as a pretext to do so). It was definitely a hot scene, but I think the messages between them in the "It was hot" option was a bit too direct. It would have felt more realistic if they pushed the conversation forward even more gradually, testing how the other reacted to comments about the blowjob. They did that to a certain extent, but Lena sharing that nude pic felt too abruptly.
Similarly, the setting for the sex scene was great. Both because it presented Lena with an obvious opportunity to make a move, and because it mirrored the first scene when she peeks on him and Louise. But when she entered the bedroom, she seemed oddly self confident. I particularly found her "Good morning! Rise and shine!" comment weird. Also I don't think they even touched each other during the penetration part.
When Ian and Cindy eventually had their moment together, they had tried to suppress their mutual physical attraction for a long time, and that built up tension really became visible throughout their scene. And that was what made it so sexy. With Lena and Jeremy, that similar raw tension was almost invisible. Their interaction in a way came across as… cold, in a way that seems unnatural for someone having sex for first time.
With that being said, all in all I enjoyed a lot about this episode as well. The best scenes for me was between Lena and Holly, both with and without Ivy. Holly and Lena together is definitely my new main playtrough! Ian and Lena's sex scene was also probably their best yet. I also liked the progression between Lena+Louise and Ian+Alison, among others.
And that breaking of the fourth wall drug trip was absolutely fantastic. It felt like an Alejandro Jodorowsky movie. In 100 years, if there is an art school somewhere in the world where you can take a degree in porn games production, that scene will have it's own chapter in the course "The Avant-Garde of porn games".