Alison's crush on Ian is so real, that every time he's so much looks the other way in a room with her, she jumps on Jeremy's torpedo, like a submarine with a death wish. If Nazis in Das Boot were sailing inside Alison they wouldn't even make it to Vigo, let alone Gibraltar.
"Hello, Ian? My back is about to be blown out by a black friend of yours and a random guy I just met. So anyway, thought it was a mature and grown up thing I should be doing as a designated person with a teenage crush on you (that you and everyone else should be treating seriously), to give you a call that is and talk about my malnourished bearded ex. All right, if all is well I should get back to getting a train run on me, will keep you in my thoughts, buh-bye."
