3.50 star(s) 11 Votes

Zerek244

Member
Aug 30, 2020
250
363
Good looking girls all around, sweet setup for a proper harem. Cant say much more at this stage, since the first release is basically just introducing characters and the plot. Looking forward to see it unveil.


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6Rairyu9

You desperately need a proofreader though, it was kinda mindboggling with your use of he/she and him/her, getting it right in the previous sentence and wrong in the next one. Also, they replaced you/your multiple times.

There were a lot of things that didnt really make any sense, as in no one actually would use such phrases in a sentence the way you did. "Is it allowed?", as an example when knocking and waiting for a response from someone inside the room. Something like "May I enter?" would've been some much more coherent. Keep building on this, hope to bag a proofreader and you might go somewhere with this game. Good luck!
 

BlasKyau

Devoted Member
Jun 26, 2018
8,460
11,543
The game's English needs a big improvement. For example, calling the director "it" twice in the same sentence is at least striking. Also at other times I'm not sure to who they are referring because the use of he and she seems almost random.

Captura de pantalla 2024-04-19 014602.png

o_O
 

Crowangel

Well-Known Member
Dec 12, 2021
1,120
1,709
I can make do with the art work quality as have seen far worse BUT the dialogue needs someone who understands english to proofread it for you.. lots of uses of male definition ie HIM or he when your talking about a female so she or her and so much of the writing just sounds bad.. it looks like a good vn to follow but this issue needs going over before i go any further with this as its terrible
 

BlasKyau

Devoted Member
Jun 26, 2018
8,460
11,543
I have the impression that at least Mary and Karen are prostitutes, if so I hope we can prevent them or any other prostitutes from being part of the harem. On the other hand, if Mary is a whore we should have the option of avoiding the scene with her.
 
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5mithers

Member
Aug 3, 2019
179
162
Dumb question: Why are a lot of these "english as a second language" game translations having such a hard time with gender pronouns? What translation software is consistently swapping "he/she" pronouns when translating?

Nothing like having a picture of a hot woman with the text "he wants to make love you."

I think the game needs some different tags if that is the case.... :LOL:
 

jclosed

Active Member
Dec 3, 2019
525
1,033
Dumb question: Why are a lot of these "english as a second language" game translations having such a hard time with gender pronouns? What translation software is consistently swapping "he/she" pronouns when translating?

Nothing like having a picture of a hot woman with the text "he wants to make love you."

I think the game needs some different tags if that is the case.... :LOL:
I think a lot of that is caused by auto translation. Especially Japanese MTL is sometimes extremely confusing. Imagine a conversation where mother and aunt are talking about a male son, and keep referring to the aunt as "him" and the son as "her", and the mother as "him" and "her" at the same time. Those conversations feel like a massive puzzle to solve, and even then you sometimes have no idea who they are referring too. Even MTL's that are (so-called) "edited" suffer from those kind of things. Things that could easily be solved by doing some REAL editing. That's why I strongly doubt if those "edited" MTL's have seen any editing at all, and those "editors" are just lying about it. Even with the simplest "glance over" editing, it would be obvious there was something completely wrong here.

Anyway - Sorry about my "off-topic" rambling. I really think the author of this VN could use some help from someone that is a native English speaker. Sadly as I am Dutch, and English is not my native language, I won't be able to give much help in that department.
 
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6Rairyu9

New Member
Game Developer
Apr 2, 2024
13
178
I am sorry for the writing errors in the game.
Unfortunately English is not my first language, I understand it a little but not very well. In the next version I will try to correct the most obvious errors, if it is not enough I will consider whether to pay someone so that the writing is better.
 

BlasKyau

Devoted Member
Jun 26, 2018
8,460
11,543
I have the impression that at least Mary and Karen are prostitutes, if so I hope we can prevent them or any other prostitutes from being part of the harem. On the other hand, if Mary is a whore we should have the option of avoiding the scene with her.
6Rairyu9

Are Mary and Karen and other girls prostitutes? And if they are, and they are LIs, can we avoid having a romantic relationship with them? And it would be nice to be able to avoid sex scenes with them as well.
 

6Rairyu9

New Member
Game Developer
Apr 2, 2024
13
178
6Rairyu9

Are Mary and Karen and other girls prostitutes? And if they are, and they are LIs, can we avoid having a romantic relationship with them? And it would be nice to be able to avoid sex scenes with them as well.
I can tell you that the girls you see at the beginning have their own story that I hope to tell. If I include scenes of sex with prostitutes, I'll make sure they can be skipped.
 

BlasKyau

Devoted Member
Jun 26, 2018
8,460
11,543
I can tell you that the girls you see at the beginning have their own story that I hope to tell. If I include scenes of sex with prostitutes, I'll make sure they can be skipped.
Well, it's good that they're not prostitutes. I hope they aren't as slutty as their appearance (including the messages on the necklaces) indicates. Because in my opinion sluts are worse romance material than prostitutes. If they are sluts, as everything seems to indicate after discovering that they are not prostitutes, the same thing should apply to them as to prostitutes.
 

BlasKyau

Devoted Member
Jun 26, 2018
8,460
11,543
There are currently no such scenes.
When I include them in the future I will see how to handle it. Perhaps I'll make all the sex scenes avoidable so everyone can choose what to see and what not to.
It would be nice to be able to avoid the Mary scene, I don't think I'm interested in her, Karen, or Lily.
 

paolo422

Well-Known Member
Nov 10, 2019
1,012
732
Congratulations to the game, if the protagonist remains humble even better, good start, I'll wait for the updates.
 
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3.50 star(s) 11 Votes