Mondoblasto

Well-Known Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,375
2,192
Dammed Other than the main reason for the game to exist, I was wondering what other minor story topics you might touch on, if it doesn't give too much away?

One thing I thought might be worth a mention is the MC updating the beneficiaries of his will. Considering how such arrangements helped keep him alive long enough, it would make sense to me that he would have no problems with making such plans.
 

MysteryCrabs

Well-Known Member
Dec 15, 2019
1,272
1,733
One thing I thought might be worth a mention is the MC updating the beneficiaries of his will
Not sure it'd be worth mentioning. Unless they wanted to introduce a hot lawyer. Or you were hoping for one of the girls (definitely Bubbles Allie, I never bought that innocent act) to bump him off for the money...
 

Mondoblasto

Well-Known Member
Nov 13, 2017
1,375
2,192
Dammed Technical stuff:
arg5.webp and arg6.webp appear to be the exact same picture? alslp0.webp and mtwoB1.webp are also the same.
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Same deal with mtwoB3/olslp1 and mtwoB2/olslp0, and the sw series and asw series pics. I would guess this has to do with idiosyncrasies with the coding?

alslp1.webp and mtwoB4.webp have the hair different against the teddybear, I'm guessing you guys meant to keep the second one.
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frownbird

Newbie
Feb 7, 2019
15
140
1587169814119.png
It's insane to me that the reviews are so glowing. The writing is horrendous. The author doesn't know how to create impactful dialogue without resorting to cussing or cussing in an over-the-top way. There's not much else that will pull you out of a narrative than completely out-of-place language.
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Decent renders (which are nothing special) and a somewhat unique setup aren't enough to carry a ~~game~~ VN like this.
In its current state it deserves a 1.5 maybe 2 star rating. There are zero choices in the intro so you have to get through a lot of cringe-inducing dialogue to even start to affect what's happening, and by that time you'll probably be fed up with how poor the writing is to the point where you quit.
I could be in the minority, most people aren't so critical of lewd games as long as the renders are passable, but there's really nothing new here.
 

theMickey_

Engaged Member
Mar 19, 2020
2,117
2,662
I could be in the minority, most people aren't so critical of lewd games as long as the renders are passable, but there's really nothing new here.
I partially agree with you. I gave it a four out of five stars, but only because it has a decent amount of content for a first release, otherwise I would have given it a three star rating. I don't think the renders are bad, but they aren't over-the-top-quality either. The story is OK, I didn't feel as much "touched" as most users, I thought of all the stuff that happened in the past including the letter more like "well, somehow the dev has to build up his story, right?". Overall it's an average VN, but I'm still curious how the story will continue, so I'll keep watching and playing future updates.
 
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frownbird

Newbie
Feb 7, 2019
15
140
Your example is a father catching a guy in bed with his daughter... and you think "cussing" is... out of place? What world do you live in?
Cussing makes sense, cussing in a goofy and colourful way is out of place. Sorry if I was unclear. My point wasn't that swearing = bad writing, but that swearing is often unnecessary and is commonly used as a crutch. Writers struggle to convey the emotion that they want through dialogue, so they resort to cussing and/or goofy colourful swearing.
 

MysteryCrabs

Well-Known Member
Dec 15, 2019
1,272
1,733
Cussing makes sense, cussing in a goofy and colourful way is out of place. Sorry if I was unclear. My point wasn't that swearing = bad writing, but that swearing is often unnecessary and is commonly used as a crutch. Writers struggle to convey the emotion that they want through dialogue, so they resort to cussing and/or goofy colourful swearing.
The situation warranted it, because it was indeed an over the top situation. He's an "angry American rural dad" type character and speaking in a "colorful" and "elaborate" way, is part and parcel with model. He's not a truly important character, so his characterization needed to be straight forward and easily parsed for his short appearance. There are plenty of things to criticize honestly in this story so far, but that is definitely not one of them.

I would take your opinion more seriously if you did not include an edited screen shot mocking the game, by the way. You complain about "goofy cussing" and then behave in a quite juvenile fashion.
 

Macgamer

Active Member
Oct 10, 2018
735
1,365
Wow such a great start to a new VN. Real rough start for the MC and just about everyone involved. Damn you writer for almost bringing a tear to my eye. Have to say this story really had me right from the start and the character models are excellent. Don't think its gets better then this really. I was a lil nervous with the choices I had to make. I didn't want to screw up a path with one of the girls. I don't know where the relationships are going so I tried to make the best choices. Its to early to tell but I'm thinking all roads will end with a Daddy daughter relationships. At least that's what I'm hoping for as all the girls are so much like the beautiful Grace. As for Grace, it was kinda brutal that she's gone. I was really hoping for a more happier reunion with her and that daughters. Grace's letter really chocked me up (damn you writers again) and made me wish the MC had a chance to say goodbye to her. Perhaps be the hero and save her life with expensive treatments. But anyways amazing start and I can hardly wait for more. I hope this dev gets huge support and I hope this vision that's been created stays true to the plot. Highly recommend this VN.
 
4.30 star(s) 271 Votes