Passion_Portal :
I like what is there so far, the girls look fine, and the writing is mostly okay as well.
Very descriptive, at some points maybe even a little bit too descriptive. Your renders are quite good when it comes to expressions and body language (actually, quite exceptionally so) and you should maybe try to concentrate on describing what we can't see in the render.
Don't get me wrong, something like "Her skin looks absolutely flawless" is perfectly fine, just don't describe everything we see.
If you know your way around US Comics, I call that the Claremont style.
There are a few things I should mention.
For one, you switch between first and second person. You really shouldn't do that.
One is a story told from your "own" perspective, the other is someone else telling your story, basically. You probably see how something like this changing from one sentence to the next can be quite jarring.
You also switch between past and present tense, I've seen that used as a style element, but there it was from one chapter to the next and in the end it turned out that there were two different timelines and from the point they met, it continued in present tense.
Your story just seems to jump from one to the other without reason.
The other thing has to do with grammar, it's a simple mistake, but it is also making the narrator seem simple.
It's "you were" and not "you was." Simple as that. Might be a leftover from where you wanted to remove first-person narrative.
Both of these errors are easily fixed, and that would make such a difference.
In general, there are quite a few mistakes, misspellings, missing punctuations, words missing (maybe that was intentional, maybe you don't want to clarify what Chloe is to the MC, but just leaving it blank is weird), it would be a good idea to go over your text with a proofreader, or you know, there are actually well-working software solutions for that, even as browser extensions.
I saw that most of this has already been pointed out, but I wanted to mention it as well, because your writing is quite good outside those few things and like I wrote with the expressive renders you make, this could become an exceptional VN.
I know you wrote there won't be any NTR and that's good to hear, but please don't let yourself be influenced too much by the constant barrage of people trying to tell you which content to put in and which not. Not everybody thinks optional content matters that much, many are completely fine with stuff just being optional.
With me, for example, I absolutely don't give a damn if there is optional content I don't like. It's optional, so I don't have to play through it. However, I do not claim to speak for all, as some others constantly do.
And it's also not everybody who thinks women have to be nuns and virgins to be acceptable LIs.
A young woman doing a bit of sexy streaming is perfectly fine for many people. It's just that we have a very, very vocal group of people who want every single game to be exactly the same, though they are not the majority, even if they tend to claim they are.