Ohm, The tags were not updated, although I indicated everything that is in the novelFemboys? Nice! No sexual content tho
- Thread starter Deleted member 1224901
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- Aug 19, 2018
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ok so i can safely say i dont think this game is for me.
1.MC looks more like a women than any of the women.
2. Sandbox/point And click sucks ass. (tags are missing)
3. a giant part of the story we're not event following the perspective of the MC.
4. we have to watch other people have sex. i liked Miel's character model. but the sex scene almost made me quit. luckily there was little left of the game after that. but yeah if its not the MC having sex i dont care.
although this game isnt for me i wish dev good luck
Edit: apparently this game went for a complete rewrite guess i'll leave a new comment.
1.MC looks more like a women than any of the women.
2. Sandbox/point And click sucks ass. (tags are missing)
3. a giant part of the story we're not event following the perspective of the MC.
4. we have to watch other people have sex. i liked Miel's character model. but the sex scene almost made me quit. luckily there was little left of the game after that. but yeah if its not the MC having sex i dont care.
although this game isnt for me i wish dev good luck
Edit: apparently this game went for a complete rewrite guess i'll leave a new comment.
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- Aug 22, 2019
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this is an unofficial android port Slaves [0.1b] APK -
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Something I can immediately say as a tip - if possible, get an editor.
The writing itself isn't bad so far, I've only seen the very early bit, but the story does seem to have a potential to be gripping. The problem is, you have a lot of small issues with style, grammar and punctuation, which brings down the overall experience, at least for me.
Things like missing spaces after periods and question marks, weird stylistic choices - e.g. "[...] I saved her. If someone buys it, I get money [...]" or "It's my opinion, I didn't refuse you a favor" - consider "Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't do it" or "I just stated how I see this, I didn't say I would refuse" as alternatives. People don't really talk like that, neither in literature, nor in real life. Also, grammar, e.g. "Listen, I here to free you". Sure, they're small issues, and none of them are really game-breaking, but they accumulate. And right now I feel like there are too many of them to just hand wave them away, at least for someone who actually cares about the quality of the writing in porn games.
I know that while you are writing, it is difficult to keep track of things like that, especially if English is not your first language, which is why having someone take a look at it from the outside can be really useful. Now, if the world building was some complete bullshit with landladies, deadbeat fathers and childhood friends who immediately throw themselves on your dick, I probably wouldn't say this, but I feel like you are trying to create something a little better than that - and writing quality can separate a mediocre game from a good or even a great one. So getting someone to QC and make the dialogue feel more natural could really help, I believe.
The writing itself isn't bad so far, I've only seen the very early bit, but the story does seem to have a potential to be gripping. The problem is, you have a lot of small issues with style, grammar and punctuation, which brings down the overall experience, at least for me.
Things like missing spaces after periods and question marks, weird stylistic choices - e.g. "[...] I saved her. If someone buys it, I get money [...]" or "It's my opinion, I didn't refuse you a favor" - consider "Hey, I didn't say I wouldn't do it" or "I just stated how I see this, I didn't say I would refuse" as alternatives. People don't really talk like that, neither in literature, nor in real life. Also, grammar, e.g. "Listen, I here to free you". Sure, they're small issues, and none of them are really game-breaking, but they accumulate. And right now I feel like there are too many of them to just hand wave them away, at least for someone who actually cares about the quality of the writing in porn games.
I know that while you are writing, it is difficult to keep track of things like that, especially if English is not your first language, which is why having someone take a look at it from the outside can be really useful. Now, if the world building was some complete bullshit with landladies, deadbeat fathers and childhood friends who immediately throw themselves on your dick, I probably wouldn't say this, but I feel like you are trying to create something a little better than that - and writing quality can separate a mediocre game from a good or even a great one. So getting someone to QC and make the dialogue feel more natural could really help, I believe.
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- Feb 17, 2020
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- Aug 19, 2018
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so since my original post the MC doesn't look like a femboy anymore. at the moment it's entirely kinetic though so absolutely no choices.
The Mc is a bit of a dick though as
but yeah you have no choices in the matter or any choices whatsoever.
sadly you still see other ppl beside the MC have sex so thats a negative (IMO) but at least this time around you actually follow the MC's persepective more.
The Mc is a bit of a dick though as
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sadly you still see other ppl beside the MC have sex so thats a negative (IMO) but at least this time around you actually follow the MC's persepective more.
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to be all honest when is started it the story started off very dark which is ok but then you do a complete 180 and be all giddy and happy then sad then dark then sad the happy again. the mc is very emotional for a person sold into slavery. And very forgiving for no reason. if i met someone who i believed to be the one for my imprisionment i wouldnt take them not recognizing me as a sign that they didnt do it. To me that makes no sense. Then casually being raped by the inn lady was out of nowhere. But i digress, there was good storytelling in it just dont randomly jumble it up together and say its a story cause i could barely understand what was going on half the time. Also stick to one personality for the mc because going from being brooding to being overenthusiastic over a book doesnt really make sense.
- Aug 19, 2018
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whelp after this update thats me out. was never a fan of MC getting raped.
so im guessing the tags need to be updated. rape at least and possibly blackmail as some chick gets banged in exchange for protecting her brother it seems. kinda skimmed this update after i realized it wasnt for me.
so im guessing the tags need to be updated. rape at least and possibly blackmail as some chick gets banged in exchange for protecting her brother it seems. kinda skimmed this update after i realized it wasnt for me.
"What’s the difference between a slave and a free man?" - responsibility and sympathy. Slave can't afford to care about anybody: friends, lovers, kids, pet and etc. Everything may be taken and might be taken away. Slaves should be selfish and coward, otherwise they are incontrollable. MC there is the slave to core. He is not generally submissive so keeps striving for the "top" position, but he already broken, desperate and easily manipulable. But why he fled from old friend even after realize she hasn't betrayed him? Was it a pride, a shame? Was he afraid to harm her? Maybe he is not so broken yet?
The game already show potential to become unique, somethin very good. There we have the intrigue for rich twisted story with an action and a psychology straggle, a seed to grow "stockholm" sympathy and bloom a romantic relationship. I sincerely hope it would not developed into another "asshole vs looser" battle-game. Where Mr./Ms. Ass has zero self esteem and disdain everybody who submit or even polite to them, and Mr./Ms. Looser to stupid or weak to not give up to such people. We already have to many of similar garbage. Some peoples above complained about raping toward MC. Well this is reality of being a slave. Just let a gamers skip such scenes, but please keep them. It give realism to a game.
Thank you dev. Good luck. I was good so far.
The game already show potential to become unique, somethin very good. There we have the intrigue for rich twisted story with an action and a psychology straggle, a seed to grow "stockholm" sympathy and bloom a romantic relationship. I sincerely hope it would not developed into another "asshole vs looser" battle-game. Where Mr./Ms. Ass has zero self esteem and disdain everybody who submit or even polite to them, and Mr./Ms. Looser to stupid or weak to not give up to such people. We already have to many of similar garbage. Some peoples above complained about raping toward MC. Well this is reality of being a slave. Just let a gamers skip such scenes, but please keep them. It give realism to a game.
Thank you dev. Good luck. I was good so far.
This seems interesting, and I'll look forward to more content, but it sorely needs a round of editing.
Agreed. The story feels kind of schizophrenic. There is a good story here but it needs some work. It also needs an editor.