I want to make it clear. I haven't decided I don't want people touching me. It's that people touching me makes me uncomfortable because of things that happened in a time long past. There's no point reminiscing but the effect it had still lingers. It's also for that reason I see romance and love for the hollow feelings they are. Mere facades used to trick people into a sense of security that can shatter in an instant.
no joke, what you are describing requires professional help. no amount of "man up" will help you. on the contrary, it will only bottle it up and make it worse later on.
as someone who went through some rough stuff, let me tell you, SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. that thing will eat you from the inside.
the longer you wait, the worse it will get. it will manifest in small almost unoticeable aspects of your life, but slowly, that shit will screw with you to a point where you might cross a line you have no desire to even get close to.