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3.70 star(s) 15 Votes

koplak1d

Newbie
Nov 20, 2021
24
28
Technically, if it's kinetic, does it really matter who the MC is? lol
So from third person POV then, i mean there is kinetic novel that we follow the "MC" or first person POV. First time i don't see tag about gender of "the protagonist".
 
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FookU2

Engaged Member
Jan 23, 2018
3,219
2,407
So from third person POV then, i mean there is kinetic novel that we follow the "MC" or first person POV. First time i don't see tag about gender of "the protagonist".
I used to just assume it was from 3rd person if there wasn't a tag, but I used to be wrong a lot. lol
Sometimes they just neglect to add a protagonist tag. It's super annoying, too, cause without a tag, it can't be searched or avoided when searching with the filter.
 

Kroelle Cook

Member
Game Developer
Feb 28, 2018
220
887
The image quality in this VN is just stunning. More often I've caught myself studying all the cracy details in this super cool steam punk environmelt rather than paying attention to what's actualy going on :LOL:.
Great work as always Nemiegs - You rock!
 

Nemiegs

Member
Game Developer
Sep 17, 2021
126
1,048
It looks like a few things need a bit of clarification.

Male or Female MC?
None. These are unrelated short stories.

Is NTR avoidable?
Yes, by not playing specific updates. Some will contain NTR some will not.

School setting.
In general, this Renpy comic is NOT taking place in school. But like with the NTR, there will be some updates with stories in school.
 

Sadowdark

Conversation Conqueror
Mar 4, 2020
6,816
9,812
It looks like a few things need a bit of clarification.

Male or Female MC?
None. These are unrelated short stories.

Is NTR avoidable?
Yes, by not playing specific updates. Some will contain NTR some will not.

School setting.
In general, this Renpy comic is NOT taking place in school. But like with the NTR, there will be some updates with stories in school.
Will there be information on which updates will include NTR and which will not?
 
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Joe Steel

Engaged Member
Jan 10, 2018
2,455
3,312
uhh i don't see "female protagonist" or "male protagonist" tag here, so who is the MC in this game?
It doesn't really have a protagonist, but the FMC is as close as it gets to having one, since she is in all the scenes and the only choice in the game is made by her.
 
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Joe Steel

Engaged Member
Jan 10, 2018
2,455
3,312
The game has a great vibe to it with the steampunk genre combined with a bit of Judge Dredd, but the story and especially dialogue are lacking.

Making the story work wouldn't require much in the way of changes. Just make the starting society one in which, 1984-style, the government has worked to make people reject emotion. It can be for utopian reasons (the author hints at it here with the references to "we are not animals" in objection to the new regime). But the sudden change with drastic new rules for society doesn't make sense in the game. There is no impetus for such a revolutionary change. Solutions to the problem described would be gradual, in order to see what works. A political revolution, though, with a revolutionary government zealously trying to reverse the policies of the old regime, makes more sense.

Dialogue has two problems: first, it embraces incredibly tired and boring cliches with the titles of people, and, second, it is horribly awkward and artificial.

"MILF and "Young Adult" are titles that drag the reader right out of the story and make them think "how could the author think that this was a good idea?" every time they are used. Instead of "I don't want my Young Adult to see my like this," just use the names of the characters. That's kind what names are for.

The poor dialogue is probably more an artifact of a bad translation than anything else. Have a native speaker help with that. If you can't fins any volunteers from your patrons, ask me. I've done this for several other games.

Fix the implausible story and awkward dialogue, though, and this will be a gem, just as Special Request is. A bunch of short stories you can crank out when tired of working on the big project is probably exactly what the doctor ordered.
 
3.70 star(s) 15 Votes