The game has a great vibe to it with the steampunk genre combined with a bit of Judge Dredd, but the story and especially dialogue are lacking.
Making the story work wouldn't require much in the way of changes. Just make the starting society one in which, 1984-style, the government has worked to make people reject emotion. It can be for utopian reasons (the author hints at it here with the references to "we are not animals" in objection to the new regime). But the sudden change with drastic new rules for society doesn't make sense in the game. There is no impetus for such a revolutionary change. Solutions to the problem described would be gradual, in order to see what works. A political revolution, though, with a revolutionary government zealously trying to reverse the policies of the old regime, makes more sense.
Dialogue has two problems: first, it embraces incredibly tired and boring cliches with the titles of people, and, second, it is horribly awkward and artificial.
"MILF and "Young Adult" are titles that drag the reader right out of the story and make them think "how could the author think that this was a good idea?" every time they are used. Instead of "I don't want my Young Adult to see my like this," just use the names of the characters. That's kind what names are for.
The poor dialogue is probably more an artifact of a bad translation than anything else. Have a native speaker help with that. If you can't fins any volunteers from your patrons, ask me. I've done this for several other games.
Fix the implausible story and awkward dialogue, though, and this will be a gem, just as Special Request is. A bunch of short stories you can crank out when tired of working on the big project is probably exactly what the doctor ordered.