OK. I like this game. You've got good stuff here. I really like the way your mind works. I love how you aren't afraid to cross lines that most are too timid to cross. But I do have some notes... (For reference, I'm at the place where the three ladies have just left for the club. I don't know how far along that is, so I might add more to this later, but not necessarily. Anyway...)
First of all, why do they all have Japanese names? This was clearly made by a Spanish-speaking person. So why would you give all the characters Japanese nombres, amigo? Make it so you can give the characters whatever names you want. Because to Indo-European eyes, the Japanese names are off-putting. And not because I have anything against Japanese people, I'm just saying, if I met a guy with a name like "Hiroshi" or a woman with a name like "Nanao" in real life, I would say, "OK, guess who's getting nickname!"
Secondly, the grammar is... not the worst I've ever seen, but still quite poor. And some frames aren't translated into English. Soy Californio. Mi espanol es asi-asi, but not good enough to understand everything. So, please fix that. I'd be happy to help.
Thirdly, the art isn't bad. It's above average. But there's still A LOT of room for improvement. I lack the technical vocabulary to give more specific advice, but I don't think I have to. It just looks like art that would have been great 20 years ago, but, you know, it's not the Bush administration anymore. (Or la administracion de Vincente Fox, si se prefiere.) You can do better.
Fourthly, why do Yukie and Hitomi have to be Nanao's niece and sister? Why do you go incestuous when you don't have to? Could Hitomi be just an old friend instead? Like a college roommate or something? Please? That would be SO MUCH less cringy. Or maybe just let the player choose the relationships?
Anyway, that's all for now. But, like I said at top, I'm really enjoying this game even despite the points I made above. Thank you, and keep up the good work.
Hi, I’m glad you liked my game.
Sorry in advance to you and all the players for taking a fucking eternity to release the ch1 full version.
I’m going to answer your question about the names. The reason is that I’m using
Honey Select 1, and in this software you can’t really create characters that don’t look Japanese. That’s why I gave them Japanese names.
My initial idea, before I started making the renders, was to use American or European names, since that’s closer to my own culture. In fact, the protagonist’s name,
“Nanao”, was originally going to be
“Luna”, because of her white eye. Just like you, I have nothing against Japanese people, but I’m not very familiar with their culture. It was a decision I had to change. The names are something I’m not totally happy with either.
Regarding the grammar, you’re right, haha. Even in Spanish there are some mistakes that slipped through and affected the translation. And yes, I’ve been working on fixing that both in Spanish and in English.
Answering your third point: I’ve slightly improved the art, as much as the software allows me to. I’m using
Honey Select 1 with some shader improvement mods.
Fourth question: I have thought about letting the player decide what kind of relationship Hitomi, Yukie, and Nanao have, but I’m not sure how much that would affect what I’ve already written. It’s an idea I could implement, however, I can’t really do that with Hiroshi. The game is an
NTRmom or
NTRmother; a subgenre of NTR and for that to make sense, Hiroshi and Nanao need to be mother and son.
This is the first story I’ve ever created in my life, so it’s normal if I make some mistakes. That’s why I released the beta version
I wanted to see the idea from a different perspective. So far, I’ve changed a few things that will make the story make more sense and, above all, make it easier for a beginner like me.
Thanks for playing ❤
