- Mar 18, 2022
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The first official poll is on
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That's not really understanding the complaint, actually. The game looks promising, but let me elaborate here:
The problems with formatting and exposition are not just that you put a lot of information in or centred the text. The problem with exposition is that a lot of the time the information is being drawn out needlessly: for example, you have a whole popup explaining that nobles use their domains in conversation in the place of surnames, but this is a pointless passage because it's then obvious on the next pages even if you weren't told, so this is effectively a page of redundant information. With the formatting, as well as badly placed images (maybe browser-dependant?) you have gone with a narrow text width on the page, line breaks far more often than is conventional, and lots more doubling up on things like telling us in prose who is speaking then also putting their names next to their speech on a separate line. Several pages also run on when they should probably load onto a whole new page.
These will probably all sound like minor quibbles on their own, but there is a very important problem with them. They all contribute to exactly the same problem. Extra exposition makes the text body longer. Narrow text body makes it longer. Frequent linebreaks? Longer. Repetition? Longer. You are already telling your story in a slow/long style, which is perfectly fine, but the medium you've chosen is a challenging one for that, and so unless you can clamp down on the factors making it worse people will be completely turned away by the "wall of text" effect. You have a lot of information, yes, but you also have way lower information density than a lot of text games do.
Anyway, just my observation in the hope that it will help. Good luck with the game.
I do agree about the the narrative saying who is speaking, after the speaker of the passage is labeled. That is pure redundancy. As for whether, or not, descriptive passages feel redundant; That is entirely subjective. We could debate the nuances of such an issue indefinitely. As for the breaks and misplaced images; I recall no instance of that (on firefox, at default magnification).
- Mar 18, 2022
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Do you mind explaining what you meant by the first sentence in this reply.
If anyone would like to, please tell me what you think of this kind of style/text-format.
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Image provided from the one you posted to help show it:
If you look here, we have five bits of directly quoted speech. All of them are annotated with the speaker (Orlu: "Words") and of the five four of them also clearly have it identified who is speaking without this annotation. Prose generally does not use such annotation, because the prose is supposed to indicate the speaker itself (where it is not clear from the speech), and when you go with both methods like here you are doubling up. This doubling up is the redundancy mentioned.
It just feels odd and contributes to the sense of weird formatting. If you were to rewrite this page just to eliminate the annotation style and to reduce the number of linebreaks it would read better. Right now it's a mish-mash of descriptive and nondescriptive styles, tending towards the long form of having both at once, so I'd suggest just fully committing to writing it book style.
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1)Interesting. I hadn't thought of it. I don't imagine I'll be rewriting all the dialogues from the current version, but I'll definitely keep it in mind for the future. Thanks for the in-depth analysis and explanation.
2)Also what did you think of the color-coding? Does it make tracking conversations and their participants easier? Do you like it?
It's fine. Wasn't hard to track earlier, but I suppose it might prevent issues in future. Looks alright.
1) Not all of those articulate what I would consider being inappropriate. In fact, I do not think it was particularly problematic, in general. I do recall two, or maybe three, instances where it did feel quite "clunky" and unnecessary, however.
2) As long as your system is clear, I feel color-coding is always a good inclusion. It can be a valuable tool, in general, and not all people consume media in the same ways. Some people may prefer to skip over narrative, and read only dialogue. Some may, at some points, even wish to only read interactions between specific characters. Anything you can do to enable people to consume your media however best suits their individual preferences, without diminishing anyone else's enjoyment, is a net win for you.
3) There is really only one issue that still sticks in my mind, after a few days of reflection; Consistency of images is essential for immersion. Though all the clips you used in the river scene may be lovely women, and the actions may fit the scene well, it destroys immersion when the ethnicity of the two women has very clearly changed for the 2nd and 3rd clips. It was clever to cut the faces off, to avoid this conflict, but the entire attempt is pointless when it is clear, from the bodies, they are not the same people. The same would be true were it any number of similarly overt differences, like radically different body-types, hair color, tattoos, ect. If you are going to use mix-matched clips for characters/scenes, it doesn't need to be perfect, of course, but it is not a good idea to make it impossible for any reasonable observer to suspend disbelief.
- Mar 18, 2022
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First Update is out on Patreon!
Middle Tier members can get it now. Lowest Tier members can get 3 days early. Public release is in 7 days.
Middle Tier members can get it now. Lowest Tier members can get 3 days early. Public release is in 7 days.
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- Mar 18, 2022
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- Jul 4, 2018
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Ugh... hire a graphic designer to at least look at your template dude. This thing is a nightmare on the eyes. At the very least get someone with experience with text design to look at it. My eyes hurt just trying to read through the first two pages.
Truly one of the White Russian generals of all time.
- Feb 23, 2023
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TheBlackBaron-0.1b
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- Mar 18, 2022
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The Encyclopedia, as well as the associated maps that shall come with it, is finished. Or rather, finished for now, with new additions to come.
Update coming out tomorrow, free for everyone.
Update coming out tomorrow, free for everyone.