"so I'm trying to start with something different about a revenge story, ."
This part flows somewhat poorly, it should probably be 'so I'm trying to write something different, a revenge story.'
The comma should , . should definitely just be a period.
"can, change"
Does not need the comma.
"the player's choices diferents results some more important than others."
The sentence just kindof seems to fall apart here to the point of obscuring the message. I think it should be 'the player's choices will have different results though some will be more important than others.'
"voting for NPC that"
Should be 'NPC's' if you mean to have multiple NPC's chosen by way of voting, if it should be singular then it should be 'the NPC'.
"my art will improve things like shadow, body art and lighting needs to improve."
The double usage of 'improve' reads a little odd, it might sound better if it was 'my art will improve things like shadows, body art and the lighting.'
Seems decently interesting though, the arts already pretty decent and a nice change of pace from all the 3d characters in most ren'py titles.
Btw, there's already a game on here called
Harem Hotel (without 'the') so in this early stage it might be a good idea to brainstorm an alternative name to avoid confusion with the other game with nearly the same title that focusses on a (non-incest) harem and is made in ren'py.