Ren'Py The Only Doe [v0.01] [Madd5]

[CatGamergrill]

Love it , Love the art style , Love the story so far , There are few bugs which can be ignored when they happen.

Can't wait to see what content you add in upcoming months

 

[Madd5]

View attachment 5625622

Just a small fan art video for the game.

The stepbrother is helping her in the kitchen at least !

Mega

This is why i need a higher VRAM gpu !

I'm fairly down with this.

I quite enjoy things with the premise of like, using sex to manage other people's anger/get things from them. From a position of inherent submissiveness/danger. It's neat. I see that that's not entirely what this is, and idk what shape the whole... pretending to be a boy thing will go down. Presumably sex will be used to keep people from revealing your deception. Sounds good. Neat.

I do have some feedback.

First the positive. I like the sandbox shape of the game. I know some prefer visual novel style things for a more streamlined quality... but I always have found them to be rather restrictive. There's less for me to engage with, typically. The quality of such experiences has to be either really high, or they better give a lot of things to do as they go along. I want variables to build n shit.

However...

I'm not exactly a fan of AI. So I'm just always going to see that as a negative. But you're trying, and you seem earnest about it, so whatever. I won't linger on the use of AI for the images. I hope the time saved is useful to you.

I will note, the writing... Look. It's awful. AI for images... ok I guess. I can see the need. Even if you can draw up a nice bit of porn, it takes forever. For an amateur work like this that requires talent in multiple realms? That can be a big ask. If you have all those skills one might wonder why you'd even waste them on making a pornographic game, when you could shoot for mainstream success.

But with writing... AI just sucks too much. Maybe eventually it'll be good enough to be passable? Though I'll still hold the opinion that anything written by an AI isn't even worth reading. Writing is just something that is so much more of a direct representation of what you intend for a story to be. A picture might be worth a thousand words or whatever, but it's also something very mechanical in instances like this. It's trying to get across specific things, like "lady has her tits out" and it can manage it without requiring a lot of your personal intent for something. The writing is there to get across to us readers what you want the story to say, where you want it to go, and what you think about the topics. This isn't like, software documentation. If you write something in a context like this, you have to put something of yourself into it or it's just work to read through. AI doesn't have anything to put into it. At best, it has some weighted values to check off. That makes it shit. It will always be shit. The only way for an AI to be good at writing stories would be for it to walk out of an actual sci-fi story, and just be an artificial person with actual thoughts and opinions.

The writing is not interesting. There's too much of it, and none if it worth reading. It's the worst of both worlds. The quality is bad, the quantity is too much. To get into specifics, I also think it's trying to give too much detail from the PoVs of the male characters. That's not necessary, though it can work. We don't need all PoVs, you can reveal what they want and why they're doing it without getting into their heads. Not knowing allows the reader to fill in the blanks, which is often better than being exact, for a number of reasons.

Written erotica is fairly difficult to make hot. In instances like this where you're not confident, I'd lean on the premise and the visuals, without lingering on the writing too much. You can become passable with just a little bit of effort. You see something hot in this, just type out what you like about it, what would be hot to you in this, or what you think would be hot to others, if you aren't into something. Literally, you CANNOT do worse than the autogen. It's limp and cold, It has no interest in the topic and It pads the script like it's trying to meet a wordcount. If you have to rely on it, at least keep it brief. Don't make us read much of it. If all the writing will ever be to you is a mechanical description of a scene, make sure that's ALL it is. It cannot replicate good writing. Don't even try.

Honestly, editing and managing an AI's writing into something passable seems like far more work than just banging something out yourself. You'd have to put in effort to do worse.

Anyway. I feel I've lingered too much on the negative. I think you're doing a good job for your first thing. It's quite competent. And ren'py isn't the easiest thing to work with when it comes to open designs like this. You also have done a LOT for a first showing. Which is commendable. Many people show up and there's fucking... nothing really. There is DEFINITELY something here. You might be trying to do a bit too much with the whole, dual premise of stuck in an abusive household (my preferred scenario, but do your thing) and the secret crossdressing thing. But hey, I see great potential. I'm looking forward to seeing how this will develop.

Best of luck to you dev, whatever your choices on the development look like. I hope you stick with it, and don't let any criticisms or negativity get to you. Especially when THIS is their source. We like to be overly entitled here.

Thank you for the detailed review of the game ! You are absolutely right about most of these things. Lots of people have been pointing out about the writing; I am not a good writer. My current workflow is writing the story without exact details then keeping the context the same add inner monologue and sensuary details (smell, taste etc ) using copilot/AI to expand. So far I have only added 1 new scene from build 0.01, and in that i have implemented mostly protagonists inner thoughts .Going forward I will limit the thoughts of other characters .

Interesting.
The art style definitely goes with the sordid circumstances you are portraying.
Though it is AI-generated, it is still a breath of fresh air after all those same-same-same characters we usually get to see.

I'd also echo the comments above from OrgansMissing.

Final thought:

Would you see yourself adding the "horror" tag?
The potential is there.

Hmm horror I'd have to think about it.The game development is gonna go for a while! I think i need 2-3 more updates just at home to sort of the mechanisms and how people are reacting to new intimacy/corruption systems etc. I want to stick with the house for the next few updates so I can lay out a framework that i can follow in the dorm with addition of variable for each character that keeps track of their suspicion of us being a woman .

 

[Madd5]

Pretty good premise and potential. Only thought is you shouldnt have killed off the mom this easily. Perhaps she could have been in a coma or something. That way when Doe is in the hostel, the brother starts working on the mom

Sorry i kinda disagree with this one , when i played other Fem protag games, and there are too many fems, it gets a bit annoying since you bonded with 1 protagonist . Either way Once you leave , he wont stay at home for long

 

[Areyouken]

Totally understand your point. It is easier to bond with one female protagonist.

However keeping the mom in a coma might work if you change your mind in the future.

1. If nothing else, she can stay in a Coma and the dad can blackmail Doe that he will pull the plug if Doe doesnt play along.
2. Or if she wakes up, the dad could be more rough with her by threatening to molest Doe if the mom doesnt play along. He could even have the mom teach sex education reluctantly to his son, and ultimately let him impregnate her (while he impregnates Doe)

Again these are just some thoughts. It's your game, however my point was to keep your options open

 

[Madd5]

Totally understand your point. It is easier to bond with one female protagonist.

However keeping the mom in a coma might work if you change your mind in the future.

1. If nothing else, she can stay in a Coma and the dad can blackmail Doe that he will pull the plug if Doe doesnt play along.
2. Or if she wakes up, the dad could be more rough with her by threatening to molest Doe if the mom doesnt play along. He could even have the mom teach sex education reluctantly to his son, and ultimately let him impregnate her (while he impregnates Doe)

Again these are just some thoughts. It's your game, however my point was to keep your options open

Those are interesting points ! I will think about this one more .
In my game when dad tries to take protagonist as replacement as his wife originally came from girls life (Qsp game )

Spoiler: SPOILER FOR GAME GIRLS LIFE

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well this is what i thought should happen but never did . So i thought i should make my own and add things i want to add etc and maybe people might like it

 

[HypnoKitten]

So very interesting as an early draft. Since its asking for feedback, here are some of my thoughts so far...

The art style is neat - I like the slightly darkest-dungeon look to it, the 'evil' characters look suitable gross, she's cute, I like it. There are a few odd things like her sleeping sideways in the bed, and scale shifting here and there, but mostly good.

The concept is cool - I'm curious for more, I like that it starts in a dark place but it promises the game will not just be grinding at home between the same chores / the world will continue, the plot is pretty straight forward and reasonable

The UI... leaves a lot to be desired. I can't easily physically see the stats on the right and the text is miniscule. Especially given the art style I'd make them big and visible at the top, in the same stye.

Flow wise if you try to talk to the brother / dad you ask them for money even if you hadn't researched schools yet, which feels odd until you realize what the money is supposed to be for. Its also a bit tricky understanding why you're doing anything like watching tv, exercising, showering... Cooking sounds like its for energy (though its hard to see) and research makes sense once you start, but the others might benefit from some clarity.

Dialog I think is the biggest snag. The writing is fine, almost poetic, but it hits one of the big big things that RenPy games struggle with. RenPy is a very visual engine, it works best with big images that explain what is happening and a LITTLE amount of text (almost a caption) getting you through them and to the next scenes. When used to try and write normal erotica - the stuff we'd read on a full page, you end up clicking

and clicking

for

every sentence

that tries

to say

something...

until the read

just gets the gist

and fast-clicks

to get

to

the

end

of the

scene.

It isn't just this game, it is a lot of games in this engine. I'd either do the limited-caption per image, and let the number of images be the guide of how many dialog things you write - basically make it all very cinematic (if something didn't change meaningfully and significantly in the image you probably don't need more text), or mess with RenPy's layout (takes a little hacking but it isn't too too terrible) to get its NVL mode working. Instead of splashing it big on the screen make it its own thing on the right, image on the left, multiple lines of dialog at once... and then you can have a full convo. Just be careful with it and do lots of testing so you don't dump dialog past the end of the NVL area, may take a bit of development to get it t here.

Also I'd avoid what you're doing with (these are her thoughts) and ((these are his thoughts)). Use color and placement and icons - make her text one color and make her image bigger when she's talking maybe (unless NVL where multiple might talk), italics for inner thought. The other person another color. Narrator another color. Action sounds bold and use renpy's text animation to make them tremble a bit or outline or whatever. Just make sure its all still readable (none of that lite-pink on white or whatever some people do, seemingly without having ever opened their own game).

Anyway, my take so far, very curious to see where it goes, good luck!

 

[Areyouken]

Those are interesting points ! I will think about this one more .
In my game when dad tries to take protagonist as replacement as his wife originally came from girls life (Qsp game )

Spoiler: SPOILER FOR GAME GIRLS LIFE

You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.

well this is what i thought should happen but never did . So i thought i should make my own and add things i want to add etc and maybe people might like it

Thanks for asking for feedback, and responding with your thoughts to those that do. Like many others have said. good luck. Will be watching this game for future development

 

[LongJohns77]

Cheers, Madd5! I dig the premise and look forward to updates. While most threads are #TLDR for me, I imagine you'll get some good advice from the creative lot around this site. I'll withhold any criticism as you have communicated meaningful awareness of the starting point you offer and the natural limitations therein. At least, consider my two cents as cheering you on with genuine interest in where you go with your project. : )

 

[Bearios]

I like the way this game is shaping up I love the way the characters look. We can see the fat gross demonic men as not how they really look, but as how they look based on her perception of them. If you like someone they tend to look better and if you are disgusted by then they look like these goblin knockoffs. A point to make though. Not every overweight man is a monster. We dont want to stereotype too much here. Also, I think Madd is hot as hell. great job on her. There are some quirks with the renders to iron out and there of course needs to be a few more renders. I'd love to see more of a 3d vibe to them, but I get that things are still early on here

 

[BlondaFaran]

Hi Madd5, I just wanted to say that there are good tools for removing white backgrounds from the character art, I see you have done many of them by hands by the looks of it;

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is what I would suggest.

 

[ccpks]

NICENICE

 

[venkatesh66]

looks good, nice job dev.

 

[venkatesh66]

dev try to make minigames skippable

 

[Hardor]

nah, with sisters it's like double the average of everyone (so 4% chance instead of 2% of complications). Knock up your sister = guaranteed frankenbaby is a myth, unless it's been going on for several generations and the family tree looks more like a family pole or there were preexisting conditions but they bred anyway. It's far worse odds with intergenerational babies (m-s/f-d) and even that isn't as bad as people think unless genetic predisposition was preexisting. A famous relatively recent example that comes to mind (not Hapsburgs from 300 years ago that took 400+ years for shit to go south between mostly cousins) is Josef Fritzl. While I don't agree with his methods that lucky bastard knocked up his daughter 8 times, 6 of the 8 were fine, with a still born and another dying of SIDS later (both of which can happen to normal couples too). 75% success = I call that acceptable risk.

As far as problems my dick still works, but my sis is probably asexual, so I'm fairly sure I'm never getting in her pants unless she gets over that or something. Mom prob isn't gonna give me any either, and even if she did she's too old to get pregnant at this point without medical intervention (and even then unlikely).

I believe there is also quite famous example in the Romanov family about Hemophilia, which originated from cousins marrying cousins, which started with Queen Victoria of England (you could argue the Habsburg-connection here, but I would put Romanovs outside Habsburg proper, unless you seriously want to start the discussion about how every modern European-descent person is related to Charlemagne).

AS far as I have been reading, the genetic pairings that cause hereditary family diseases on individual level have about 50% chance to activate (depending if you are getting a specific nucleoid pair from the affected parent or not), but having the same pair on both parents indeed doubles it to be certain. That few percent in general population level propably is close to truth since hereditary diseases are not universal. I don't think I ever said "guaranteed frankenbaby" or similar, since it is well known fact that many ruling dynasties, including the ancient egyptians did indeed inbreed commonly and simply stated the fact that you are going to stir up your hereditary diseases if you do. I also wouldn't call 75% chance for success with the two babies you are statistically going to conjure at most in the west a good success rate when you could have 100% chance instead in that specific regard (not going to go into the other complication factors here).

Good to hear your dick still works. Else you hanging in a perv-forum would be really weird. And don't feel sad about your sister being asexual, I am sure any woman would be with a brother like you.
That still doesn't explain why you couldn't get her pregnant no matter how much you "creampie her", which I believe is how you put it in your original post.

 

[FuhQ6969]

I believe there is also quite famous example in the Romanov family about Hemophilia, which originated from cousins marrying cousins, which started with Queen Victoria of England (you could argue the Habsburg-connection here, but I would put Romanovs outside Habsburg proper, unless you seriously want to start the discussion about how every modern European-descent person is related to Charlemagne).

AS far as I have been reading, the genetic pairings that cause hereditary family diseases on individual level have about 50% chance to activate (depending if you are getting a specific nucleoid pair from the affected parent or not), but having the same pair on both parents indeed doubles it to be certain. That few percent in general population level propably is close to truth since hereditary diseases are not universal. I don't think I ever said "guaranteed frankenbaby" or similar, since it is well known fact that many ruling dynasties, including the ancient egyptians did indeed inbreed commonly and simply stated the fact that you are going to stir up your hereditary diseases if you do. I also wouldn't call 75% chance for success with the two babies you are statistically going to conjure at most in the west a good success rate when you could have 100% chance instead in that specific regard (not going to go into the other complication factors here).

Good to hear your dick still works. Else you hanging in a perv-forum would be really weird. And don't feel sad about your sister being asexual, I am sure any woman would be with a brother like you.
That still doesn't explain why you couldn't get her pregnant no matter how much you "creampie her", which I believe is how you put it in your original post.

That was referring to my mom. At her age it's pretty unlikely but I guess it's still a non-zero chance (probably about the same as me quantum tunneling through a brick wall by pushing on it for 5 minutes). At the least it would demand a new Guiness record certification for world's oldest new mom without medical intervention.

 

[fulcrum]

just for interest sake...
do they do the crime before she can abscond?
can the player make her stay?

 

[Zulsmashing@ss]

When next update?