Lovely little game thus far, the artwork is simply gorgeous. Real shame Hannah only teases some sex at the altar right now. Same for Sally at the shop. I even laughed when I, erhm, accidentally tried to use the knife on Anshi at the start
Anyway, here's some text you might want to fix,
Foxyghost
* If you choose to keep watching Anshi, she'll say "Holly shit", should be "Holy"
* On the first list of questions with Anshi, one reads "you live
rigth here?
along?" - should be "right" and "alone"
* After the "nevermind", one of Anshi's texts reads "Ahah, relax,
im joking" - i'm
* "Look! There are pieces of scrap under the tree" - the phrase would read better as "Look! There are pieces of scrap under the tree. Just cut off the wires."
* At one point, while you're supposed to cut the stuff, Anshi will say "Just take a knife and cut the
whires and
leafs" - "wires" + "some leaves"
* Once you show the loincloth, "
Look great!" - should be either "Looks" or "Looking"
* "Are you talking
about blowjob" - should probably be either "about the" or "about that" -- The following "its so weird" should be it's
* "You sucked my dick
when I was passed out" - "while" works better than "when" in this case
* "
You are no longer attracted to me?" - "Are you..."
* "Honestly
me attract to you too" - "Honestly
I'm attracted to you, too"
* "Oh...
it becoming hard" - "it's", also "getting" rather than "becoming" would probably read better
* "I feel like I haven't
cumed in a thousand years" - better use "come" or "cummed", not sure how
correct the latter is
* "I don't know how you did that,
but it's amazing" - "but
it was"
* "
We can go?" -
Can we go?
* "Sperm
need to get into the vagina to get pregnant" -
needs
* "I want to show it to Hannah" - Is Anshi intent on showing the player or just the player's dick to Hannah? If the first option, "show
him to" - also, shouldn't it be Hanna?
* Once you enter the Shamaness hut the first time, Hanna: "My eyes don't deceive me?" - "Do my eyes deceive me" would read better
* "He definitely
have a dick" - has
* If you go with the "messenger of the gods" options, Player: "How you talk to me!" - I think the intent was "Watch how you talk to me!" --- The next message "
some bunch of furry" - either "a bunch of furry" or "some furry" reads better
* When you ask "Who are you" to Hanna and Rina, she says "children of Aphelia and
Mehanus" - Mechanus. Some messages later, Hanna again says "Mehanus"
* Some time later, Hanna says "Afelia herself gave it to us"
* Talking to Rina downstairs, after she says Hanna is "obsessed with them" (the robots), the next message, "Do you think she's crazy?" incorrectly shows Rina's name instead of the player. "But not you?" also shows as being Rina talking.
When you die (knife on Anshi, growling at Marra) the text starts with "The forrest", it should be "The forest"
By the way, I think you can define the names as python variables, that can help with keeping them consistent and, if you ever need to change it, much easier to deal with.
in the O.P. if you have a liking to this VN/Game.
But thanks.
