I feel like a lot of that boils down to:
a. some writers not accepting the fact that nobody plays a porn game to be lectured about how in reality you can't really demand someone to be faithful when you are sleeping around yourself, just because you want that in a game doesn't mean you are a hypocrite, also most people really wouldn't like any of the shit going on in any of the games (CoC 1 & 2, TiTS) to happen to them for real - hell, most of it would quite literally result in lethal injuries.
b. the same type of writer feeling like their OCs are entitled to be treated as if they were actual persons
c. these people loosing track of the fact that their writing simply isn't nearly good enough to create an immersion strong enough to backup the approaches in points a. and b.
d. (edited) and that someone can be dominant without being abrasive/condescending towards the submissive part, in fact the latter is more a sign of being a jerk than anything; people can have sex on equal terms, yes, even if 1 has a bigger dick; being obnoxiously in the face with a potential powerdynamic isn't a sign of a strong/imposing character, in fact it gives the impression someone is compensating for their small ego.