- Apr 4, 2023
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- Jun 17, 2017
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- Feb 12, 2018
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Very little here yet. The MC has a 12-year-old's haircut.
I played the teaser. I don't feel like there's enough story here yet to be that critical, but you've not really hooked your readers with the writing. Most of us will give you one or two more tries I expect to see if the story goes anywhere. So, why's he there? A little tension is needed. Why didn't they just stick together before? They're clearly both already into each other. Was there a reason they couldn't show their feelings for one another before? Add some drama. When she shows up, don't have the daughter drawn to him like he's Brad Pitt, or if she is, have him resist. Even if they will ultimately start banging. Fix the main character's hair. You'll be on your way.And please tell me, how do you like this teaser story? This is the first time I've written a story, I know it's not the best, but I'm really trying to make the best of it. I can take the criticism, so feel free to write.
- Dec 24, 2020
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Hi, thanks for writing this down, this is just a teaser that I made and put out in this form because I wanted to see if anyone cares, what you say is valid, and the story will be better written in the next update. As for the hair, I fixed it so it didn't look like that in the next update.
I just left it at douche. Course, I don't give a shit about the logans, so I never think about them. They own no space in my head, rent free or paid.
I'll have to give this a try as long as the other LI but June are avoidable when it comes to lewd scenes ill like this one. The summary looks like the kind of story I can get behind.
- Sep 13, 2022
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- Dec 24, 2020
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20 renders? Not bad not bad. And why not 10 or 5? To indicate Patreon and support on it, they would be also enough. By the way, but there are already 484 POSTS published on it. I see such a wonder for the first time...at the time of the first release. I'd rather have 20 posts there and 484 renders in the game...not the other way around.
I see such a wonder for the first time...at the time of the first release. I'd rather have 20 posts there and 484 renders in the game...not the other way around.Oh boy I can sense the Engrish in this one before I even look at the first comment.
- Feb 20, 2024
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As long as you make femdom and maledom avoidable, you're fine. A lot of people don't like them and skipping is not enough for those things when shit happens anyway, so it doesn't matter if it happens without skipping. Avoidable is the only accepted thing in a few fetishes.
- Jan 18, 2022
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It's really a teaser, so not much going on, takes less than 5 minutes to get to the end.
Poses are a bit off sometimes, the faces look kind of lifeless (mouths are always closed for example). The model of June is a nice change, I don't think I have seen her before though.
The english is pretty off. Nothing so serious that you don't understand what's going on, but unpleasant to read. One time the MC is refered as SHE, so I hope this is just an error and not an genderfluid MC.
I cannot really say more about it yet. Get a proofreader, put some life in those pictures, and good luck, dev.
Poses are a bit off sometimes, the faces look kind of lifeless (mouths are always closed for example). The model of June is a nice change, I don't think I have seen her before though.
The english is pretty off. Nothing so serious that you don't understand what's going on, but unpleasant to read. One time the MC is refered as SHE, so I hope this is just an error and not an genderfluid MC.
I cannot really say more about it yet. Get a proofreader, put some life in those pictures, and good luck, dev.
- Aug 11, 2023
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you said threesomes are planned is girl on girl in threesomes going to be avoidable?