Warning for hidden phone users

[Hagatagar]

No longer spending most their lives livin' in a cell-free paradise.

 

[Succubus Hunter]

It's, alas, difficult to solve something against the victim will.

I'm sure that in all countries you can easily find cops with such stories.
"I can't leave him, he would find me and kill me this time", "what would my family think", "the children, you thought about our children ? They need a father", "it's not with my poor salary that I would be able to raise the kids", "divorce is against my religion", and so on.
Of course, most of the time you can find rational arguments to counter the reason gave to not leave him. But it's not a rational situation.
It's a relationship that started with love, and the victim is generally still blinded by what rest of this love she had for him. The reason they give to explain that they stay are generally her way to not face the fact that they've been abused (not physically) and fell in love for someone who never deserved it. And when they face that fact, they usually do it, at first, the wrong way, believing that they were stupid and that all this is their fault ; what isn't at all the case.
And, as I said, for some it's a pure question of money. What is better ? Living with someone who, too often, is violent with you, or living on the streets surrounded by strangers that you imagine ready to violently rape you anytime they want ? When there's kids it's worse, because as a mother you want the best possible education for them, something they can have thanks to their father job, and would not have even if their mother had the chance to found a second job.

So, yeah, staying with your abuser, while taking some precaution like a hidden phone, is, alas, not something exceptional...

Exactly this. I wasn't even thinking about the risk of street time if they decided to leave.

Apparently, the alert has affected others as well.

Spoiler

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Oh my, I never thought that could happen.

 

[whippetmaster]

Just to confirm some of what's been said here. I'm from the USA and have lived on both coasts as well as the midwest. At one point in my late teens/early twenties, I was essentially a "ruddlerless" Christian who was not tied to any one church so I attended multiple churches. My goal at the time was to not be part of what I considered a cult or a church tied to a priest or a group of people. That essentially puts the power of the church in the hands of a few men or just one man. I haven't found a single church that does that so I'm considered an "agnostic" today. Back to the point- while I was church-hunting, in at least 5 of the churches, the sermons repeatedly brought up how the bible says to shun women who don't do their duty.

While in my early 20s (late 1990s) and living in a small town, I attended 3 months of sermons with my then-gf and it was brought up almost every single time while the pastor would rail against "technology creep" and things like cell phones, pagers, computers, etc. I had a pager for my job and I had to stash it at home while at church or in my car while out in the community. My then-gf's mother even warned her that if she doesn't do whatever her future husband demands and stays with him, she will be shunned from the church and essentially cut off and exiled from the entire community including her family. That means no job, no place to live, nothing. So it's either deal with being someone's property or become a ghost. As in you either deal with it or leave with nothing to your name. You also can't keep the kids or the clothes you're wearing. That's the way it is in many conservative communities. In many small towns in the U.S.A., the Church IS the Town and the Pastor is the one who sets the Mayor's agenda. Cross the church and lose the town. It's that simple.

To make this point even more clear, I was talked to by several senior members including the pastor about joining the church and was even told I could basically pick who I want to marry and if I needed to smack her around to put her in her place, that was my god-given right. Those old assholes basically harped on that and said another benefit is I would have some input over whoever my future daughters marry. And I was essentially offered their blessing to marry my then-gf with the goal of correcting her "wayward behavior" concerning technology. I tried to talk to my then-gf to leave the town with me when I got a chance to move but I left alone since she was afraid of losing everything with no chance of rescue. IMO, she was essentially brainwashed from birth and I hope she still has something of her old fire left but I have my doubts. That church chews people's spirits up in the interest of control and money.

 

[Succubus Hunter]

Just to confirm some of what's been said here. I'm from the USA and have lived on both coasts as well as the midwest. At one point in my late teens/early twenties, I was essentially a "ruddlerless" Christian who was not tied to any one church so I attended multiple churches. My goal at the time was to not be part of what I considered a cult or a church tied to a priest or a group of people. That essentially puts the power of the church in the hands of a few men or just one man. I haven't found a single church that does that so I'm considered an "agnostic" today. Back to the point- while I was church-hunting, in at least 5 of the churches, the sermons repeatedly brought up how the bible says to shun women who don't do their duty.

While in my early 20s (late 1990s) and living in a small town, I attended 3 months of sermons with my then-gf and it was brought up almost every single time while the pastor would rail against "technology creep" and things like cell phones, pagers, computers, etc. I had a pager for my job and I had to stash it at home while at church or in my car while out in the community. My then-gf's mother even warned her that if she doesn't do whatever her future husband demands and stays with him, she will be shunned from the church and essentially cut off and exiled from the entire community including her family. That means no job, no place to live, nothing. So it's either deal with being someone's property or become a ghost. As in you either deal with it or leave with nothing to your name. You also can't keep the kids or the clothes you're wearing. That's the way it is in many conservative communities. In many small towns in the U.S.A., the Church IS the Town and the Pastor is the one who sets the Mayor's agenda. Cross the church and lose the town. It's that simple.

To make this point even more clear, I was talked to by several senior members including the pastor about joining the church and was even told I could basically pick who I want to marry and if I needed to smack her around to put her in her place, that was my god-given right. Those old assholes basically harped on that and said another benefit is I would have some input over whoever my future daughters marry. And I was essentially offered their blessing to marry my then-gf with the goal of correcting her "wayward behavior" concerning technology. I tried to talk to my then-gf to leave the town with me when I got a chance to move but I left alone since she was afraid of losing everything with no chance of rescue. IMO, she was essentially brainwashed from birth and I hope she still has something of her old fire left but I have my doubts. That church chews people's spirits up in the interest of control and money.

That story is so sad. She almost made it out too... Hopefully when she is ready to leave she can reach out to you again and you will be in a good position to give her a hand up.

Despite that, good for you on getting out of that little piece of hell on Earth.