VN Ren'Py Welcome to Walkerville [v0.3] [c0mh1x]

[c0mh1x]

Argh, run-on sentences (comma splice) galore *bangsheadagainstdesk*
I really don't understand how this is a problem for so many writers:
Each independent clause must be joined by proper punctuation or an appropriate conjunction.
What's an independent clause you ask?
You can think of it as a thought or statement that can stand on its own (grammatically, including at least a subject and a predicate). "It's Monday today." "I like playing football." "Pizza is better than ravioli." "It's colder at night."
If you got two of those (which obviously you get when writing more than any 1 thing) they need to be appropriately connected. 100% of the time a full stop is grammatically correct. You cannot make this mistake if you start at that.
Now, alternatively, you can use a conjunction to connect independent clauses appropriately. Conjunctions can range from and, but, so, etc. to because, after, although, while, etc. to somewhat more complex ones as either... / or ... and similar. But point is ... you gotta pick one of them when connecting independent clauses.
"It's Monday today because it's the first day of the week."
"I like playing football, but I don't like playing hockey."
etc.
This is of course simplified and there's other considerations to be made, but fundamentally it's as simple as that. Instead we get
"I'm moving to my father's house, he's lived here since his divorce from my mom."
"...but my mom got promoted, she had to go to work in France."
"I'm in my last year of high school, I don't speak French."
etc.etc.etc.

Not to much a myriad of other mistakes. Especially with tenses.

Just what the fuck are kids learning in school these days ...
View attachment 4486349
(ps: not all grammar checker will notice run-on sentences, but many will. That being said, they tend to suggest semicolons. Semicolons are appropriate when you want to express statements being very closely related, but they should be rare exceptions in good writing (some would say: don't use them at all). In any case, whenever something suggests a semicolon, you know you got a run-on sentence issue there).

English is simply not my native language. I learned it over 20 years ago at school and have spoken it very little since. So yes it is very poorly written compared to what I write in my native language, but when the patreon budget allows me I will hire someone to translate the texts into perfect English.

Before starting this VN I did not know how to code or draw. I hope to improve my English over time.

I imagine it must be very difficult to read when you pay a lot of attention to grammar but believe me it is also difficult to write when you do not master the language enough to correctly transcribe the personality of the characters with the right words or expressions.

But thank you for your feedback.

 

[c0mh1x]

Argh, run-on sentences (comma splice) galore *bangsheadagainstdesk*
I really don't understand how this is a problem for so many writers:
Each independent clause must be joined by proper punctuation or an appropriate conjunction.
What's an independent clause you ask?
You can think of it as a thought or statement that can stand on its own (grammatically, including at least a subject and a predicate). "It's Monday today." "I like playing football." "Pizza is better than ravioli." "It's colder at night."
If you got two of those (which obviously you get when writing more than any 1 thing) they need to be appropriately connected. 100% of the time a full stop is grammatically correct. You cannot make this mistake if you start at that.
Now, alternatively, you can use a conjunction to connect independent clauses appropriately. Conjunctions can range from and, but, so, etc. to because, after, although, while, etc. to somewhat more complex ones as either... / or ... and similar. But point is ... you gotta pick one of them when connecting independent clauses.
"It's Monday today because it's the first day of the week."
"I like playing football, but I don't like playing hockey."
etc.
This is of course simplified and there's other considerations to be made, but fundamentally it's as simple as that. Instead we get
"I'm moving to my father's house, he's lived here since his divorce from my mom."
"...but my mom got promoted, she had to go to work in France."
"I'm in my last year of high school, I don't speak French."
etc.etc.etc.

Not to much a myriad of other mistakes. Especially with tenses.

Just what the fuck are kids learning in school these days ...
View attachment 4486349
(ps: not all grammar checker will notice run-on sentences, but many will. That being said, they tend to suggest semicolons. Semicolons are appropriate when you want to express statements being very closely related, but they should be rare exceptions in good writing (some would say: don't use them at all). In any case, whenever something suggests a semicolon, you know you got a run-on sentence issue there).

I am open to all criticism.

The good ones are encouraging, the bad ones make progress.

But unfortunately for the moment I cannot correct this one.

 

[Dopplyn]

Enjoyed the update, the phone interactions are good and I hope the game will feature motherly cuckold scenes.

 

[c0mh1x]

Enjoyed the update, the phone interactions are good and I hope the game will feature motherly cuckold scenes.

Thanks for your feedback, in the next update, the last phone scene with the mother will be animated, the bra will break. 0.3.5 will be a new introduction where the MC is in the morning with his mother and sister before getting on the train.

 

[the_fluff]

What's the ratio? Like how much is there of the MC getting action?

 

[c0mh1x]

What's the ratio? Like how much is there of the MC getting action?

The only scenes available with the MC for now are a handjob or a Titfuck.

It's hard to do more since he starts as a loser and he doesn't have a girlfriend.

And I even find that these scenes come too quickly in the story but I left them for now to have at least 2 scenes with the MC.

The rest is mainly voyeurism.

 

[the_fluff]

The only scenes available with the MC for now are a handjob or a Titfuck.

It's hard to do more since he starts as a loser and he doesn't have a girlfriend.

And I even find that these scenes come too quickly in the story but I left them for now to have at least 2 scenes with the MC.

The rest is mainly voyeurism.

Ah, I get that. You don't want it to go from zero to hero too fast, I do like a nice buildup but you also can't take too long though. You gotta give the people not going down the pussyboi route some good stuff. You gotta have a balance or people will get annoyed because the content will feel unfair and look like you don't care about the "alpha" route. So I would say to be careful of that.

 

[c0mh1x]

Ah, I get that. You don't want it to go from zero to hero too fast, I do like a nice buildup but you also can't take too long though. You gotta give the people not going down the pussyboi route some good stuff. You gotta have a balance or people will get annoyed because the content will feel unfair and look like you don't care about the "alpha" route. So I would say to be careful of that.

That's exactly it. But the alpha/harem team will have to wait a little longer.

Btw, the incest team will be delighted with the next update I'm working on. New introduction where the MC starts with his mother and sister.

 

[the_fluff]

That's exactly it. But the alpha/harem team will have to wait a little longer.

Btw, the incest team will be delighted with the next update I'm working on. New introduction where the MC starts with his mother and sister.

Wicked. I might give it a few updates since not much for me yet but I can see potential and I like to give original art games a chance.

I noticed the futa tag, will there be male on futa and/or maledom on futa. I'd really like that. I don't mind futa but I want the choice of who they fuck and fucking them. Dominating and/or fucking futa characters is hot to me and a good amount of people. I've noticed most people who have a problem with futa characters just don't want them to fuck other Li's so having the option to stop that and fuck them instead would be cool for most people in my opinion.

 

[c0mh1x]

Wicked. I might give it a few updates since not much for me yet but I can see potential and I like to give original art games a chance.

I noticed the futa tag, will there be male on futa and/or maledom on futa. I'd really like that. I don't mind futa but I want the choice of who they fuck and fucking them. Dominating and/or fucking futa characters is hot to me and a good amount of people. I've noticed most people who have a problem with futa characters just don't want them to fuck other Li's so having the option to stop that and fuck them instead would be cool for most people in my opinion.

Futanari exist in the game. Their creation is even explained in the taxi scene.

At several points you are asked what you think of futa to know which path you want to take. And futa scenes are marked with a tag and are avoidable.

For example in the last update if you choose to visit the neighborhood with Lora who is a futa, then you will come across a futa scene. But if you choose Mei you will have a scene with a MILF. there is no trap.

 

[the_fluff]

Futanari exist in the game. Their creation is even explained in the taxi scene.

At several points you are asked what you think of futa to know which path you want to take. And futa scenes are marked with a tag and are avoidable.

For example in the last update if you choose to visit the neighborhood with Lora who is a futa, then you will come across a futa scene. But if you choose Mei you will have a scene with a MILF. there is no trap.

I understand futa's exist in the game. I don't have a problem with that. I'm asking two things.

1. If we decide to do futa stuff will we have the choice to stop them from fucking Li's.

2. Will we have the choice to fuck and/or dominate them. Male/maledom on futa.

 

[c0mh1x]

I understand futa's exist in the game. I don't have a problem with that. I'm asking two things.

1. If we decide to do futa stuff will we have the choice to stop them from fucking Li's.

2. Will we have the choice to fuck and/or dominate them. Male/maledom on futa.

To be honest with you, you are asking me questions that I have not asked myself yet. I have the main story in mind and the common thread with several possible endings but for the rest I remain open to the ideas and desires of the public and patrons so everything is more or less possible for the moment.

 

[the_fluff]

To be honest with you, you are asking me questions that I have not asked myself yet. I have the main story in mind and the common thread with several possible endings but for the rest I remain open to the ideas and desires of the public and patrons so everything is more or less possible for the moment.

Cool. Then I'll say it as a suggestion then. I think it would be pretty hot. There's an appeal to topping futa's and dominating them. I think it would be a good option to have.

 

[fort4]

Looking great my man! keep up the good work.

 

[c0mh1x]

Cool. Then I'll say it as a suggestion then. I think it would be pretty hot. There's an appeal to topping futa's and dominating them. I think it would be a good option to have.

The VN is multiple choice and path, for example if you want to dominate a futa you choose the futanari path and you choose Lora but if you want to be dominated by a futa it would rather be a relationship with Monica. I would like to make sure that there are really several possibilities. As for the code it is very simple there is just time to draw and make the dialogues but otherwise all the possibilities are feasible

 

[Phase_01]

Played the update, I like the direction the game is going.
Was not expecting actual mother/sister content, though shame they are in another country so no physical shenanigans with the MC.

Would be cool to see some scene with the mother doing it with her own partner in the spades route over the phone, with the mother unaware or talking to her son pretending nothing is happening (like seeing it in a mirror reflection behind her or the sister is recording/sending pics, or mother accidentally sends pics to son/the partner sends it to him)

 

[c0mh1x]

Played the update, I like the direction the game is going.
Was not expecting actual mother/sister content, though shame they are in another country so no physical shenanigans with the MC.

Would be cool to see some scene with the mother doing it with her own partner in the spades route over the phone, with the mother unaware or talking to her son pretending nothing is happening (like seeing it in a mirror reflection behind her or the sister is recording/sending pics, or mother accidentally sends pics to son/the partner sends it to him)

Good idea for the scene with the mother but currently in the story she is single so it is not possible.

On the other hand I agree that it is a shame in the end that the mother and sister are far away (for the moment)...

That is why I am currently working on 0.3.5 which will be a new special introduction for the mother and sister.

The VN will start in the morning before the arrival in Walkerville in the REAL family of the MC with his mother and sister.

<- I'm sketching all the new scenes in the real family.

The VN will now start with the MC's sister waking him up.

 

[Phase_01]

Good idea for the scene with the mother but currently in the story she is single so it is not possible.

On the other hand I agree that it is a shame in the end that the mother and sister are far away (for the moment)...

That is why I am currently working on 0.3.5 which will be a new special introduction for the mother and sister.

The VN will start in the morning before the arrival in Walkerville in the REAL family of the MC with his mother and sister.

<- I'm sketching all the new scenes in the real family.

The VN will now start with the MC's sister waking him up.

Mother could definitely find some coworker to have fun with at her new job, or just some random sex friend she meets at a nightclub her daughter takes her to

Great to see the real family will get some love at the start, but that's definitely gonna blue ball for the future when they're gone for the most part when the MC moves in with the dad

A mom/sister that sends pics of mom in the tub or wearing a tiny bikini are definitely kinky though, can't wait to see what you have in mind for them

 

[ArashiNinja18]

Really weird to name one of the characters 'Big Daddy" When it's the main character that should get all the focus and attention. Also calling his mom "mommy" when he's in high school is sad. Also no sound at all when there's options for sound is a real trash move.

 

[c0mh1x]

Really weird to name one of the characters 'Big Daddy" When it's the main character that should get all the focus and attention. Also calling his mom "mommy" when he's in high school is sad. Also no sound at all when there's options for sound is a real trash move.

I would even say that it is disturbing and embarrassing. ^^