Having ranted I'm now going to try to be constructive.
Since the game is still in development, I suggest cutting Dylan's perspective of the yoga event from this section of the story.
I can imagine there are opportunities later on in your outline where Dylan and Sophie have an intimate build-up conversation. Use it there. Some possibilities are,
- Dylan confesses and explains to his mother how it stirred him up, similar to Sam's recounting his erotic dream - the "a woman is like a cello" speech.
- Or, maybe even better, one of the other ladies tells Sophia that she saw Dylan spying on them and then Sophia has an internal monologue where she fantasizes his experience, or she simply confronts him and the conversation I mentioned above has a natural entry point.
- Possibly even better, Sophia was the one who saw Dylan spying and was turned on by it, and chose not to mention it. On the GW route, she is disturbed and confronts him; on the filthy Dylan route, she thinks on it and then decides to talk with him about how it aroused her, that she wants to hear it from his perspective, giving Dylan his own "a woman is like a cello" moment.
In any of these scenarios you'd have to tweak Dylan's dialogue to match, but you also get three or four scenes from one set of renders, depending on the player's route, filthy/lesbian/whatever points, using most if not all of the same renders, and, most importantly, you don't break the main character's point of view.
