Well... the good thing is wilso2276, the story has potential, but as was mentioned, it is a rough start.
You also mentioned that you might get a proofreader. Well... you should get one soon. And one who knows what they are doing.
It would also help if they could point out flaws in the game by the actual code for the render. That would help with solving
render problems as well.
Many of the transitions are too abrupt they can go by so fast that you miss what happened.
Some scenes should wait for a click and not just transition automatically.
Some renders go by so fast that you almost cannot really see them. A good example is the view of the cliff house.
All the talk about how great it is, but it goes by before you can really appreciate how good it looks.
Some of the renders are very good while with others... well the lighting is way off, or characters leg is inside a bed
because character placement is incorrect, or a car looks like a toy because the sizing is so far off. Listing them all
here is too difficult. Others look great.
There was mention of the sex scenes. Those suggestions were good. There was another problem I noticed also. One of the actions in at least one sex scene is not even physically possible the way the animation plays out. As an individual frame it would be fine but in an animation, not so much.
Lastly, this may be a touchy subject but some of the character assets look identical to those in other games. At the very least they should be modded slightly. I recognized George instantly and can even name what game he was in as early as 2023.