Create and Fuck your AI Cum Slut -70% Summer Sale
x

VN Ren'Py A New Life [Ch.2] [WILSO2276]

2.00 star(s) 1 Vote

Merlin-Magic

Member
Jan 28, 2024
291
406
Thank you. I appreciate the feedback, and will work on some of the things you have brought up, before moving forward with Chapter 3

Like I have previously stated, I am a one man crew, from Australia. This is my first ever effort, and learning both coding and 3d rendering while writing it, so I do appreciate the effort you put into providing feedback.
I would like to help you more by proofreading your game, but I am already doing eight other games so I am kind of at my limit (well kind of way over it :LOL: ) but if I have some free time, I will look at this game also, but it will definitely take a while. Probably because I charge the exorbitant rate of $0.00.
 
  • Star-struck
Reactions: WILSO2276

Content_Consumer

Well-Known Member
Dec 24, 2019
1,051
3,592
The scenes look like they have just been plopped down from stock assets with no real care or thought.

Everything is levitating in its own space, too much clipping to mention each one.
Emergency lights are on for some reason.
1747914563555.png
1747914588093.png
1747914609597.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Is it a flying car?
Why is he wearing an earpiece?
1747914650450.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Her tits are showing through the top.
They are all levitating.
The bitumen is shiny like glass.
Whatever word that is on the ground, its three dimensional.
1747914821913.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

If the other guy is supposed to be a detective, why is he in a "traffic division" cop car and not just a random blacked out car?
1747914961264.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

More example of the lack of care and thought put into the scenes.
Whats up with the sidearm? Why has he got it on and how is it holstered?
Why is he wearing tactical gloves?
Her hand is clipping the skirt.
Also note he has no earpiece on, so he must have put it on when he changed into the suit.
1747915022819.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Uh?
Anyone can empty and clean a house.
There was no one there, whoever did it wasn't on a time crunch.
Nothing that indicated any difficulty was shown.
1747915366631.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Then we levitated out to the middle of nowhere, still with the emergency lights and spotlights on, for some reason.
1747915605837.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

And arrived at ...
1747915668591.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Which also levitates and has strange, abruptly ending, pavement.
And an open front door.
1747915732832.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Then we levitated off to our next destination.
And we know it's levitating because not only is there no dust on this dirt road, but levitation also seems to break other laws of physics by eliminating shadows.
1747915932878.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Rather than engage in open corruption, why not just have that conversation at the completely deserted "Bob's Vintage", back in the "lack-of-shadow realm"?
Why go to the police station at all if the MC "isn't here"?
It turns out that exactly zero important information was exchanged in this secret meeting anyway, that whole conversation could have happened in the initial car ride.
1747916264141.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Pick better camera angles and stop showing the edges of the scene and assets.
We can easily see that the scene ends right behind the car.
The power-pole, for example, doesn't connect any further.
When can see where the hill, driveway and its attached walls end with nothing beyond.
1747916627246.png 1747916707233.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Bruh, the texture ... Do I need to say more?
1747916917693.png
1747916959269.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Pay attention to scale and perspective.
First a large car rolls up beside a small door, then suddenly the car looks much smaller and the door much larger.
1747917028423.png 1747917060499.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

I tried ignoring this sort of thing, but it's jarring.
I ignored that she's dressed like a hooker...
But someone in her position/role shouldn't be speaking like this.
This is how the average worthless hoe out in Miami speaks, at this point I'm surprised she isn't ending sentences with "n*gga!".
She also shouldn't be shocked at wealth; she supposedly came from somewhere that she was about to be added to the harem of a national "ruler" who can afford to give away private jets.
1747917538663.png
1747917502228.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

Look at the office, this dude doesn't own a computer, he doesn't have anything on his desk, in fact the room doesn't seem to even have electric lighting.
Furthermore, why would you tell anyone about your supercomputer in your secret lair and where said lair is?
Worse yet, if you really need extra computing power, you'd just rent some cloud service, it'll have far more power available than anything you can put in your cave.
I say this to illustrate the point about putting more thought into how the story is portrayed.
1747917876699.png
----------------------------------------------------------------

It's the USA [there is a flag in at least one render], so everyone who isn't a felon can open-carry or if desired obtain a CCW, nothing to do with being military, ex or otherwise.
1747918373952.png
1747918423662.png
---------------------------------------------------------------


That'll do for now, I could keep going, but I think that covers most of the main issues.
I don't say all that as an attack or to give you shit about your VN, it's to give solid examples of what can be improved if you intend to see this through to its conclusion.
 

Hammer120

Member
Jun 4, 2019
287
196
The scenes look like they have just been plopped down from stock assets with no real care or thought.

Everything is levitating in its own space, too much clipping to mention each one.
Emergency lights are on for some reason.
View attachment 4863789
View attachment 4863790
View attachment 4863791
----------------------------------------------------------------

Is it a flying car?
Why is he wearing an earpiece?
View attachment 4863792
----------------------------------------------------------------

Her tits are showing through the top.
They are all levitating.
The bitumen is shiny like glass.
Whatever word that is on the ground, its three dimensional.
View attachment 4863796
----------------------------------------------------------------

If the other guy is supposed to be a detective, why is he in a "traffic division" cop car and not just a random blacked out car?
View attachment 4863805
----------------------------------------------------------------

More example of the lack of care and thought put into the scenes.
Whats up with the sidearm? Why has he got it on and how is it holstered?
Why is he wearing tactical gloves?
Her hand is clipping the skirt.
Also note he has no earpiece on, so he must have put it on when he changed into the suit.
View attachment 4863807
----------------------------------------------------------------

Uh?
Anyone can empty and clean a house.
There was no one there, whoever did it wasn't on a time crunch.
Nothing that indicated any difficulty was shown.
View attachment 4863922
----------------------------------------------------------------

Then we levitated out to the middle of nowhere, still with the emergency lights and spotlights on, for some reason.
View attachment 4863972
----------------------------------------------------------------

And arrived at ...
View attachment 4863977
----------------------------------------------------------------

Which also levitates and has strange, abruptly ending, pavement.
And an open front door.
View attachment 4863979
----------------------------------------------------------------

Then we levitated off to our next destination.
And we know it's levitating because not only is there no dust on this dirt road, but levitation also seems to break other laws of physics by eliminating shadows.
View attachment 4863990
----------------------------------------------------------------

Rather than engage in open corruption, why not just have that conversation at the completely deserted "Bob's Vintage", back in the "lack-of-shadow realm"?
Why go to the police station at all if the MC "isn't here"?
It turns out that exactly zero important information was exchanged in this secret meeting anyway, that whole conversation could have happened in the initial car ride.
View attachment 4864006
----------------------------------------------------------------

Pick better camera angles and stop showing the edges of the scene and assets.
We can easily see that the scene ends right behind the car.
The power-pole, for example, doesn't connect any further.
When can see where the hill, driveway and its attached walls end with nothing beyond.
View attachment 4864014 View attachment 4864021
----------------------------------------------------------------

Bruh, the texture ... Do I need to say more?
View attachment 4864027
View attachment 4864029
----------------------------------------------------------------

Pay attention to scale and perspective.
First a large car rolls up beside a small door, then suddenly the car looks much smaller and the door much larger.
View attachment 4864034 View attachment 4864035
----------------------------------------------------------------

I tried ignoring this sort of thing, but it's jarring.
I ignored that she's dressed like a hooker...
But someone in her position/role shouldn't be speaking like this.
This is how the average worthless hoe out in Miami speaks, at this point I'm surprised she isn't ending sentences with "n*gga!".
She also shouldn't be shocked at wealth; she supposedly came from somewhere that she was about to be added to the harem of a national "ruler" who can afford to give away private jets.
View attachment 4864090
View attachment 4864088
----------------------------------------------------------------

Look at the office, this dude doesn't own a computer, he doesn't have anything on his desk, in fact the room doesn't seem to even have electric lighting.
Furthermore, why would you tell anyone about your supercomputer in your secret lair and where said lair is?
Worse yet, if you really need extra computing power, you'd just rent some cloud service, it'll have far more power available than anything you can put in your cave.
I say this to illustrate the point about putting more thought into how the story is portrayed.
View attachment 4864099
----------------------------------------------------------------

It's the USA [there is a flag in at least one render], so everyone who isn't a felon can open-carry or if desired obtain a CCW, nothing to do with being military, ex or otherwise.
View attachment 4864118
View attachment 4864126
---------------------------------------------------------------


That'll do for now, I could keep going, but I think that covers most of the main issues.
I don't say all that as an attack or to give you shit about your VN, it's to give solid examples of what can be improved if you intend to see this through to its conclusion.
Awe you left out all that wonderful grass growing out of the concrete flours in the mansion
 
2.00 star(s) 1 Vote