aludademon

Newbie
Jun 10, 2020
40
143
Im convinced porn half the time only casts women that look like they have a mans body, barely passable breasts and barely any ass. And before you leave a reply saying im shallow or that you like women like that cool i don't i like a real woman with big breasts and a decent ass not a little girl, its a preference just like how some women prefer massive dicks to each their own. (also eva and lisa have fake average sized tits:))

TL:DR add a woman with actual boobs and or ass thx
 

EvolutionKills

Well-Known Member
Jan 3, 2021
1,111
3,601
Whoa! I appreciate your thorough list. For me, it does make things easier. I actually had started making modifications to a few of these, but I didn't pay attention til these smaller details. Once again, I appreciate you bringing up these points, The majority of these will be addressed in EP 8, so I hope I'll see you then.

You're not a native English speaker, right? You absolutely need to get a native English speaker to proofread all of your writing. I was not kidding about nearly every line written having some fundamental problem that negatively effected both readability and basic understanding. It is hard to keep track of what is going on when, for example, you have dialogue of someone being super critical of another followed by a dire warning of '...careful, they can be trusted'. These mistakes are permeated throughout the entire experience.

But this is the one that really stuck with me...

Screenshot 2024-01-10 232557.png

The United States is a cultural hegemony, anyone familiar with English outside of the US is going to be heavily influenced by the media created and exported by the US. When it comes to the usage of the language, Hollywood sets the standard for the baseline of 'normal' conversational English the world over. The cadence and accent of English as depicted in Hollywood is the 'default' that all others are compared against.

In every depiction of a wedding I have ever seen, in games, movies, television, or even the half a dozen ones I've been to myself in real life; the correct call and response for marriage vows is 'I do'.

How do you mess that up? How are you so completely oblivious to something so universal? I'm not upset, but rather I am aghast. I am stupefied, befuddled, and a slew of other old timey synonyms for 'perplexed'. That this managed to make itself into the final product is indicative of something fundamentally wrong. Whoever put this to script is someone who has an alien's (as in, not of this world, and thus unfamiliar with it) grasp of the language. It is unsettling and off-putting in the extreme to get something so simple, so completely and fundamentally wrong.

Even if this is perhaps technically correct insofar as the definitional meaning of the words, or is in use in some English speaking parts of the world; I'll remind the folks at home that the story in game is explicitly about a US CIA agent, with the setup and introduction happening in California. They are a stone's throw away from the cultural epicenter of Hollywood.
 
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Jim Mann

Newbie
Jul 24, 2018
23
28
The poster above is being a bit of a prick about it, but they aren't wrong MacAdGames. The writing here isn't great. It's not neceesaily the end of the world in this type of game. I don't think anyone is really looking for gripping prose here. But it will be a turn off for some people. If you are looking to appeal to a broader range of folks hiring a proofreader probably couldn't hurt.
 
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MacAdGames

Member
Game Developer
May 26, 2020
153
265
You're not a native English speaker, right? You absolutely need to get a native English speaker to proofread all of your writing. I was not kidding about nearly every line written having some fundamental problem that negatively effected both readability and basic understanding. It is hard to keep track of what is going on when, for example, you have dialogue of someone being super critical of another followed by a dire warning of '...careful, they can be trusted'. These mistakes are permeated throughout the entire experience.

But this is the one that really stuck with me...

View attachment 3251999

The United States is a cultural hegemony, anyone familiar with English outside of the US is going to be heavily influenced by the media created and exported by the US. When it comes to the usage of the language, Hollywood sets the standard for the baseline of 'normal' conversational English the world over. The cadence and accent of English as depicted in Hollywood is the 'default' that all others are compared against.

In every depiction of a wedding I have ever seen, in games, movies, television, or even the half a dozen ones I've been to myself in real life; the correct call and response for marriage vows is 'I do'.

How do you mess that up? How are you so completely oblivious to something so universal? I'm not upset, but rather I am aghast. I am stupefied, befuddled, and a slew of other old timey synonyms for 'perplexed'. That this managed to make itself into the final product is indicative of something fundamentally wrong. Whoever put this to script is someone who has an alien's (as in, not of this world, and thus unfamiliar with it) grasp of the language. It is unsettling and off-putting in the extreme to get something so simple, so completely and fundamentally wrong.

Even if this is perhaps technically correct insofar as the definitional meaning of the words, or is in use in some English speaking parts of the world; I'll remind the folks at home that the story in game is explicitly about a US CIA agent, with the setup and introduction happening in California. They are a stone's throw away from the cultural epicenter of Hollywood.
Sorry bud, You were correct earlier, but I'm afraid you're mistaken here.

While "I Do" is the norm in American TV series and films, "I Will" is more common, genuine, and appropriate elsewhere; just because something isn't shown on TV doesn't mean it's incorrect.
Price Harry and Princess Meghan are a great example; they stated "I Will" rather than "I Do".

Actually, I simply took this section from their marriage. Screenshot 2024-01-11 at 2.20.54 PM.png
 
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MacAdGames

Member
Game Developer
May 26, 2020
153
265
The poster above is being a bit of a prick about it, but they aren't wrong MacAdGames. The writing here isn't great. It's not neceesaily the end of the world in this type of game. I don't think anyone is really looking for gripping prose here. But it will be a turn off for some people. If you are looking to appeal to a broader range of folks hiring a proofreader probably couldn't hurt.
I agree. I'll surely look into it. Thanks for the suggestion.
 
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EvolutionKills

Well-Known Member
Jan 3, 2021
1,111
3,601
Sorry bud, You were correct earlier, but I'm afraid you're mistaken here.

While "I Do" is the norm in American TV series and films, "I Will" is more common, genuine, and appropriate elsewhere; just because something isn't shown on TV doesn't mean it's incorrect.
Price Harry and Princess Meghan are a great example; they stated "I Will" rather than "I Do".

Actually, I simply took this section from their marriage. View attachment 3253126
Again, I already covered that. I already conceded that it might have a more common usage in other places. But for a game so dripping with US jingoism centered around a CIA agent living in California, it stands out like a sore thumb. Which is fine if you actually meant anything by purposely contrasting it against the far, far, far more typical American usage. I am all for mangling the proper rules of grammar in order to convey how people actually talk during dialogue and such. Did I miss that? Are the MC or Tori just British nationals or really hung up on their British heritage, or otherwise want to ape what they did for a royal wedding that couldn't have chronologically happened before their own? If so, I amend my prior criticism.
 
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Tecton

Member
May 25, 2017
202
242
Again, I already covered that. I already conceded that it might have a more common usage in other places. But for a game so dripping with US jingoism centered around a CIA agent living in California, it stands out like a sore thumb. Which is fine if you actually meant anything by purposely contrasting it against the far, far, far more typical American usage. I am all for mangling the proper rules of grammar in order to convey how people actually talk during dialogue and such. Did I miss that? Are the MC or Tori just British nationals or really hung up on their British heritage, or otherwise want to ape what they did for a royal wedding that couldn't have chronologically happened before their own? If so, I amend my prior criticism.
Could easily say the pastor isn't American. That would explain the "I Will" neatly.
 

Majorfapper

Newbie
Jun 21, 2023
35
44
Having issues with my save file, it's stuck on end screen for last chapter.
Just go back one page.
Again, I already covered that. I already conceded that it might have a more common usage in other places. But for a game so dripping with US jingoism centered around a CIA agent living in California, it stands out like a sore thumb. Which is fine if you actually meant anything by purposely contrasting it against the far, far, far more typical American usage. I am all for mangling the proper rules of grammar in order to convey how people actually talk during dialogue and such. Did I miss that? Are the MC or Tori just British nationals or really hung up on their British heritage, or otherwise want to ape what they did for a royal wedding that couldn't have chronologically happened before their own? If so, I amend my prior criticism.
Also isn't Tori Australian? That makes her more British than American.
 
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Majorfapper

Newbie
Jun 21, 2023
35
44
Im convinced porn half the time only casts women that look like they have a mans body, barely passable breasts and barely any ass. And before you leave a reply saying im shallow or that you like women like that cool i don't i like a real woman with big breasts and a decent ass not a little girl, its a preference just like how some women prefer massive dicks to each their own. (also eva and lisa have fake average sized tits:))

TL:DR add a woman with actual boobs and or ass thx
That's why my fav are Reona and Tori :LOL: all natural.
 

TheSinner

Newbie
Jul 13, 2017
37
21
I am an NTR enjoyer, so my heart broke when I had to choose between that and Caprice. Caprice always wins for me.
But anyways, thanks for the game!
 
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4.30 star(s) 15 Votes