HTML Completed Academy of Fetishes [v1.03.00] [Bawdy Ink Slinger]

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

The art easels, can't remember exactly what they were called (the alternate choice to sensory deprivation headgear)

Ah, metal easels with metal frames. No, I don't write scenes that fast, unfortunately. But when I do, they may be used for holding the mothers in place while their daughters shave them



I thought you might have, but wanted to say anyway just in case. I agree with you focusing on adding more content first as it's obviously a bit too early to think of that. I was thinking more you could use the idea (if you wanted) in your "road-map" guide with it being a goal/milestone/stage in your development of the game (thinking ahead basically).

Ohhh, now that would be a cool reward, although you may want to make that a higher tier reward such as $20 (or higher) otherwise you may get flooded and completely overwhelmed with endless requests which would distract you from progressing the game.

That's a good idea. I was going to make it $5, but when you put it that way, that seems foolish. I'm glad I ran it by you first.

Funny thing? That was off the top of my head in less than 2 minutes... Here's another example (came to me shortly before going to bed): You could grab the vials (slightly bigger ones) and allow Ms Ball to use them in her class in a sadistic way considering her sadistic streak. One way I thought it could be used is that she would have one per student (or small groups) and they would places them on the floor (even more so if it has no stand and another student has to hold the vials) while they would take turns trying to piss in them from a full standing position under the guise of "hand-eye co-ordination" and "accuracy/distance/depth perception" training. The goal is to fill up the vials as much as possible. Those that get less than say 60% would be punished while those that get them completely full would get a reward while those in the middle simple get neither.

It's really important to me that the thing you get in every first class can be used in another class you *could* have chosen first. That way the player realizes at the beginning that their choices do matter. If you get it in the first class and use it in the fifth, it's not as impactful (assuming you have to play the first class).
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[DragonWrath]

Ah, metal easels with metal frames. No, I don't write scenes that fast, unfortunately. But when I do, they may be used for holding the mothers in place while their daughters shave them

I rather like that and that sounds very interesting. I think (personally) I would have gone a route very similar to the transsexuals but include spelchers or something... But I rather like your idea and it's actually better as it plants the seed of incest and slowly introduces it (provided there is an option to make the family members pair up)

That's a good idea. I was going to make it $5, but when you put it that way, that seems foolish. I'm glad I ran it by you first.

It's up to you and I wouldn't call it foolish, but rather a mistake avoided due to lack of experience or ignorance (lack of knowledge). I'm just glad I can help, sometimes all you need is another perspective to see something you may miss. Just don't want you to get into a situation that would distract you from your actual goal of making your game because then everyone (including you) would suffer in that regard. Now, if that's something you really want to do then make it a high tier for now, but when you complete the game or are close to finished (say like 0.8 or 0.9 of 1 if one is your "completed game" goal) then you could drop it so that you can (hopefully) get an influx of content to add to the game making it even bigger content wise. Just seems like what would be most logical to me, but if at that point, you're tired of working on the game and wish to move onto a different one or something then you'd leave it at the high tier and do it once in a while as a rare update of bonus content kind of thing.

It's really important to me that the thing you get in every first class can be used in another class you *could* have chosen first. That way the player realizes at the beginning that their choices do matter. If you get it in the first class and use it in the fifth, it's not as impactful (assuming you have to play the first class).

Yeah, I get that and I think you misunderstood what I meant. All I was saying is that you can (if you wanted) one item per class (and ONLY that item, the rest disappear from the rest of the classes for that "week") and what item you get depends on what class you attended first. Again, this is more later on stuff once you get more content in the game first so I wouldn't even worry about it. I have a lot of ideas of little things like this that can greatly increase your game's replay value as well as greatly beef up the overall content by several fold should you be interested in doing so... I'm sure you have quite a few ideas yourself. You already show great skill in making your game, have an immense potential, and I have faith in your product as you deliver quality over quantity.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

I rather like that and that sounds very interesting. I think (personally) I would have gone a route very similar to the transsexuals but include spelchers or something... But I rather like your idea and it's actually better as it plants the seed of incest and slowly introduces it (provided there is an option to make the family members pair up)

Not sure what spelchers are. But, yeah, the plan was for mother daughter pairings.

Yeah, I get that and I think you misunderstood what I meant. All I was saying is that you can (if you wanted) one item per class (and ONLY that item, the rest disappear from the rest of the classes for that "week") and what item you get depends on what class you attended first. Again, this is more later on stuff once you get more content in the game first so I wouldn't even worry about it. I have a lot of ideas of little things like this that can greatly increase your game's replay value as well as greatly beef up the overall content by several fold should you be interested in doing so... I'm sure you have quite a few ideas yourself. You already show great skill in making your game, have an immense potential, and I have faith in your product as you deliver quality over quantity.

Thanks If you can only get one item with the first choice and you use it later, I don't think anyone will realize that happened until they try to play it a second time. I want people to realize that the item you got in the first story was used in the second story. That way, they'll realize that it made a difference that they choose story 1, then 2 and if they chose 2, then 1, something different would have happened.

 

[DragonWrath]

Not sure what spelchers are. But, yeah, the plan was for mother daughter pairings.

... I was close yet so far off at the same time. I was thinking of Speculums x_x. My bad, knew what I was thinking of but had the wrong word.

Thanks If you can only get one item with the first choice and you use it later, I don't think anyone will realize that happened until they try to play it a second time. I want people to realize that the item you got in the first story was used in the second story. That way, they'll realize that it made a difference that they choose story 1, then 2 and if they chose 2, then 1, something different would have happened.

That's what I'm saying only with instead of story 2 having nothing, it'd have a different item... However I believe I get what you're saying. You want only that one class/story to have one item to make it really unique and an uncommon feature. Nothing against that and it sounds good.

 

[Deepsea]

Small thing but is it possible to download an offline .html file of it? Internet is choppy where I live.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

... I was close yet so far off at the same time. I was thinking of Speculums x_x. My bad, knew what I was thinking of but had the wrong word.

Ah, speculums. Well, I don't see how that will be involved in shaving, but I do plan to have them in some scenes in my game. Most likely when you unlock the nurse.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Small thing but is it possible to download an offline .html file of it? Internet is choppy where I live.

I'm sorry for that inconvenience. There is a downloadable version, but it's a pledge reward. I might change this so that I pledge/public releases instead, but that change is not on my current road map. Sorry again

 

[DragonWrath]

Ah, speculums. Well, I don't see how that will be involved in shaving, but I do plan to have them in some scenes in my game. Most likely when you unlock the nurse.

Not involved with shaving... It's what I was thinking instead of the word I said and was before I even knew you were thinking about the shaving scene.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

I'm happy to announce I just released version 0.5! Here's the changelog:

Spoiler: Changelog

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[FloatingOrb]

oh geeze people confused the clothespin with a safety pin?

Doing all that with a safety pin would be a bit much...

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

oh geeze people confused the clothespin with a safety pin?

Doing all that with a safety pin would be a bit much...

Oh no! We have completely different interpretations of too much. Actually I agree with you, especially for an intro scene. But, I will probably add needles elsewhere into the game.

 

[qwe123123]

I had high hopes for this game, as a fan of HHS and Ashford Academy... but from what I played (which, granted, is not very much), it seemed more like a novel in which you can pick the order of the chapters than an actual game, and compared to actual novels (or even to some other text-only games), the writing is just not very good. The premise of the story is fine, but the fact that by the time you start the game the teachers are already getting naked in front of the students is a big letdown, half the fun of these games is corrupting a normal school, if it's already corrupted where's the fun? And even if it wasn't, I'm not sure the corruption aspect of it would be enjoyable since you don't seem to actually influencing it at all, you're just reading a story.
Oh well, I see some other people like it (at least one guy does) so I hope you have more fun with it than I did.

 

[DragonWrath]

I had high hopes for this game, as a fan of HHS and Ashford Academy... but from what I played (which, granted, is not very much), it seemed more like a novel in which you can pick the order of the chapters than an actual game, and compared to actual novels (or even to some other text-only games), the writing is just not very good. The premise of the story is fine, but the fact that by the time you start the game the teachers are already getting naked in front of the students is a big letdown, half the fun of these games is corrupting a normal school, if it's already corrupted where's the fun? And even if it wasn't, I'm not sure the corruption aspect of it would be enjoyable since you don't seem to actually influencing it at all, you're just reading a story.
Oh well, I see some other people like it (at least one guy does) so I hope you have more fun with it than I did.

I agree what what you're saying, however I found that the writing in this one to easily trump that personally. Though who knows? Maybe once he gets to where he's satisfied with enough content, he might go back and add a build up... Though when you start the game, the way it's done, feels like a pivotal point because while that does happen... Not much else does or has until you start making choices for the classes and future students... Best way I can think of putting it is that you start the game right on/after the "pivot" point without having to do the constant grind beforehand that comes with most games that feature corruption.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

@qwe123123 Comparing it to HHS+ is interesting. I'd say the teacher's come pre-corrupted, but the student's aren't. Anyway, thanks for giving it a try and leaving your feedback. I appreciate that!

 

[ChippyP]

snip

I mean, if you decided to go into this looking for a sandbox game like HHS and Ashford, that's a personal problem. And while the writing has some hiccups(the foot scene and the Olivia suplot in particular), overall it's well above other text based games. I'd also advise you keep in mind, this is a Choose Your Own Adventure game, and it's early into development, this is the nature of this type of game. You're not wrong for disliking it, but it's odd to judge something for being true to its genre.

I do agree with you about starting in the middle though, I think the game would benefit, at some point after at least one ending is implemented, from a prologue being added in, showing the school before the benefactor stepped in, the initial weeks of the change, and leading up to where the game starts now, with a few scenes reordered to match the new timeline.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

the writing has some hiccups(the foot scene and the Olivia suplot in particular)

I'd love to know more detail about your opinion on these two scenes. Why didn't you like them?

I do agree with you about starting in the middle though, I think the game would benefit, at some point after at least one ending is implemented, from a prologue being added in, showing the school before the benefactor stepped in, the initial weeks of the change, and leading up to where the game starts now, with a few scenes reordered to match the new timeline.

Would you want the beginning scenes to be at the beginning of the game, or a flash back?

BTW, you asked for more save slots. I'm working on that as we speak

Thanks for the kind review!

PS: I'd really like your feedback on those two scenes. I hope you have the time to let me know.

 

[ChippyP]

Chronological order I think would be best, but as mentioned, hold off on adding anything in that ballpark until you've finished up to at least one ending. Starting in the middle was a good move, a lot of these games suffer from starting small and dying small. By starting in the middle, though you've skipped a major part of the storytelling, you've also sidestepped the issue of having nothing of note for months(*cough*SomethingUnlimited*cough*). Finishing out at least one path will ensure you have content to support a muted prologue, and will offer a reason to look at the start for people who've been following along since these early builds.

For the scenes I quoted, the big problem is that they generally feel insular, disconnected from the school. Where other events generally feature some corrupting influence to the other students, these two events are more bottled, revolving entirely around the main actors with little or no influence on, exposure to, or reaction from the broader cast. In the foot scene, the girls are a giggling mass that go pretty much completely ignored, and there basically aren't any other characters in the Olivia line. Compare them with, say, the nighttime twins scene. The main actors are the twins, but corrupting them has a broader influence on a third supporting character.

I'll note an exception to this criticism. The hallway scene on day one serves fairly well as an establishing shot. If you're going to make bottle scenes, use them for things like that, snapshots into daily life, and introducing various relationships and character dynamics, demonstrate the school's cliques and how they act, etc. It saves time from the major scenes establishing what you could instead use an expositional scene like Day One Hallway for.

 

[Bawdy Ink Slinger]

Chronological order I think would be best, but as mentioned, hold off on adding anything in that ballpark until you've finished up to at least one ending...

Insightful feedback, thanks for that. I have put a little thought into the ending. I was thinking some inspector comes by and by that time you've corrupted the school so much, nobody rats you out. They love their situation and school. Also, you gotta learn who AB is, too.

For the scenes I quoted, the big problem is that they generally feel insular, disconnected from the school. Where other events generally feature some corrupting influence to the other students, these two events are more bottled, revolving entirely around the main actors with little or no influence on, exposure to, or reaction from the broader cast. In the foot scene, the girls are a giggling mass that go pretty much completely ignored,

All true. The students being ignored is a little ridiculous. I should go back and incorporate some other students (or at least their reactions) in some shape or form. Beyond that, I'm not understanding why being insular and otherwise disconnected from the school is necessarily a bad thing. Can you explain?

and there basically aren't any other characters in the Olivia line. Compare them with, say, the nighttime twins scene. The main actors are the twins, but corrupting them has a broader influence on a third supporting character.

So by the Olivia line, are you speaking of the scenes with Mia in the cafeteria, restroom, dorm, and in the biochem class? You may not mean that last one because it has a lot of other student interaction.

My stupid human brain can't help from pattern matching. The common theme seems to be that you don't like when there are only 2 students involved and there's no corruption going on. If it were simply that, I could paraphrase you as saying, "I only like scenes where there's corruption because I have a corruption fetish." But, I feel you're saying something much more sophisticated and insightful than that! Unfortunately, it's going over my head

I'll note an exception to this criticism. The hallway scene on day one serves fairly well as an establishing shot. If you're going to make bottle scenes, use them for things like that, snapshots into daily life, and introducing various relationships and character dynamics, demonstrate the school's cliques and how they act, etc. It saves time from the major scenes establishing what you could instead use an expositional scene like Day One Hallway for.

In my head, that's what I was doing with the Olivia line. It's showing the relationship and character dynamics between Olivia and Mia. re: cliques, Olivia abandons her mean friends for Mia, becomes a better person, etc (future scenes, but the beginnings are there, IMO). That type of thing was going on in my head.

Plain text sucks for this because it doesn't carry tone. I assure you there isn't an ounce of defensiveness in my voice here. Everything I replied with was to help you understand where I'm confused in the hope you could clarify your feelings in a way I could better understand. I'm not trying to defend any of my writing or choices. Really hope you reply!

Thanks,
AoF

 

[ChippyP]

It doesn't help that I'm responding while sleep deprived, I was worried I wasn't making much sense writing that, I get cryptic when I'm tired. And don't worry, you aren't coming off as defensive.

If I can remember, I'll try to explain my thoughts more clearly at a later time, but the main point I'm trying to convey is the general sense of disconnect from the rest of the school these scenes have. It's not so much about the participation of more characters, but more the influence each scene carries on the broader cast. That said, I'm basing a fair amount of my criticism of the Mia Olivia stuff on 0.4, I haven't had the chance to sit down and look at the new update and the apparent payoff on that subplot yet.

 

[DragonWrath]

Insightful feedback, thanks for that. I have put a little thought into the ending. I was thinking some inspector comes by and by that time you've corrupted the school so much, nobody rats you out. They love their situation and school. Also, you gotta learn who AB is, too.



All true. The students being ignored is a little ridiculous. I should go back and incorporate some other students (or at least their reactions) in some shape or form. Beyond that, I'm not understanding why being insular and otherwise disconnected from the school is necessarily a bad thing. Can you explain?



So by the Olivia line, are you speaking of the scenes with Mia in the cafeteria, restroom, dorm, and in the biochem class? You may not mean that last one because it has a lot of other student interaction.

My stupid human brain can't help from pattern matching. The common theme seems to be that you don't like when there are only 2 students involved and there's no corruption going on. If it were simply that, I could paraphrase you as saying, "I only like scenes where there's corruption because I have a corruption fetish." But, I feel you're saying something much more sophisticated and insightful than that! Unfortunately, it's going over my head



In my head, that's what I was doing with the Olivia line. It's showing the relationship and character dynamics between Olivia and Mia. re: cliques, Olivia abandons her mean friends for Mia, becomes a better person, etc (future scenes, but the beginnings are there, IMO). That type of thing was going on in my head.

Plain text sucks for this because it doesn't carry tone. I assure you there isn't an ounce of defensiveness in my voice here. Everything I replied with was to help you understand where I'm confused in the hope you could clarify your feelings in a way I could better understand. I'm not trying to defend any of my writing or choices. Really hope you reply!

Thanks,
AoF

It doesn't help that I'm responding while sleep deprived, I was worried I wasn't making much sense writing that, I get cryptic when I'm tired. And don't worry, you aren't coming off as defensive.

If I can remember, I'll try to explain my thoughts more clearly at a later time, but the main point I'm trying to convey is the general sense of disconnect from the rest of the school these scenes have. It's not so much about the participation of more characters, but more the influence each scene carries on the broader cast. That said, I'm basing a fair amount of my criticism of the Mia Olivia stuff on 0.4, I haven't had the chance to sit down and look at the new update and the apparent payoff on that subplot yet.

If I'm understanding him correctly, what he's saying is that when person A interacts with person B, there's very little (if anything) translating/affecting person C (D,E,F, etc). It's a contained event that affects few (if any) outside of it even though they are right in the middle of them... Think of it like a glass (person A&B) in a sink (everyone else), both full of water at the same time and you drop dye (the activity A&B are doing) into the glass of water... It only affects the water in the glass and not the surrounding environment (characters) even though they are in plain view of it.

For example, when you have the twins interact with each other at night in the sensory deprivation masks, you show the direct corruption of the 3rd girl that is there with them due to her being in proximity, then watching intently, and finally interacting with the twins as the corruption nears completion on her... Yet when you did the foot play scene in the classroom (in plain view of everyone else in the room) and as it turned very erotic and naughty, there was no "corruption" or "effects" from it on anyone else. It felt like an "isolated" incident and comes off as "disjointed" because it didn't feel connected to anything else that happened in that class at that time as no one else "noticed" or was "affected" by it in any way even though they were literally right there.