I find it very hard to respond to your criticism. A lot of your feedback comes off as very subjective, like 'subhuman zoomer dialogue.' The characters are young, so I want them to talk like they are young. Does that make it bad? You won't see Camille, Ashley, or even Lucy speaking like that. Sure, there are some lines that will either hit or fall flat. I'm taking that risk. You're making some reaches about the story, which I won't answer. At least not until 0.3. You gave me a lot to think about, but in the end, my mind didn't come out any different, because, as I said before, it just comes off as very subjective.
" A white, cursed, superhuman, fantasy, elf woman doesn't call her sex partners 'hoe'. "
But Mia does.
Even tho i disagree with a lot being said here it's definitely something to keep in mind for the future. It's very hard to judge my own work, so if I see a patern of similiar things being said, I'll know I was just wrong.
This is honestly an incredibly evenhanded response to what was a rather aggressive criticism, for which I apologize. However I still stand behind the content of the post despite this. For what it's worth, know that I have a great deal of respect for you for not simply saying, 'you say mean thing, opinion discarded.'
Regardless, If in Tolkien's work, Galadriel said to Frodo, "SHEEEIT SHORT BOI, YOU AMS IS GON CARRY DA WRING AN SHEET TO DA FIRE MONTAIN!" the audience would rightly recognize this as out of place for a character that is supposed to be ancient, powerful, mysterious, magical, and wise.
I am obviously operating under the assumption you made Mia speak this way anyways, and to simply state 'Mia does' is irrelevant to what I'm saying. My problem is whether she ought to.
The question is whether Mia is a 15 year old black man, or a 80+ year old magical futa elf.
If the latter, her speech is jarringly clumsy and vernacular. This in addition to her being just as much of a rapist as her enemy counterpart, just without using magic.
It's hard to imagine you wanted her to be a down syndrome wigger rapist, and not a noble, ancient, mysterious, hottie. Defending women from actual evil romantic advances.
Regardless of whether or not a large concatenation of random people visit f95zone and directly say you made your ancient mysterious elven futa MC have the personality of a vagrant gangbanger, you should take seriously the claim simply by looking at how she behaves and how you want her to be received. Is Mia supposed to be a poor young black man?
If not, her current dialogue is a mistake.
'Hoe' is specifically low class american black vernaculer, there's no reason for your ancient mysterious magic elven futa to be using it. She may as well be saying, "OI THAT'S A FOOKIN FIT BURD THAT IS. OMMA GEV YOU THE OLD SLAP AN TICKLE I WILL!"
As if she's an Aussie beerguzzler. And she isn't.
This is a problem regardless of how many people are willing to tell you about it.