VN Ren'Py Altered [v0.3] [Mr.J]

[IAmBread4181]

please proofread your games, this was painful to read

 

[xmilteach]

thx

 

[L7Bear]

When I see the word "Altered" in an Adult Visual Novel, I assume it means "surgically altered"
(That's not my preferred genre. It's just a very common trope in AVNs.)
Based on the tags, this doesn't have anything to do with that. So, that might (or might not) cause some confusion for prospective players.
Just a thought.

 

[drifter139]

if English is not your primary language, I suggest going over what you write on paper and proofreading it so you grow as you develop the game. it is a challenge but it can make a difference in the amount of people that download and play it

 

[Roderick McGwier]

Shortly after meeting Saeko says "All I remember is meeting jay when I was 4." It still j-has the original name even after I changed it. Otherwise seems good.

 

[Aus66]

 

[Tayonae]

Good first try, can't wait to see the rest.

 

[Pitrik]

 

[Abhai]

Bro, you learn this shit BEFORE you go.

im pretty sure the dev will learn as he goes.
on the other hand, considering the number of posts you have, im not sure you will ever learn how to tag/quote properly as the person you have quoted isnt related to the quoted content in any way (apart from making the OP).

 

[TsubameYui]

Mr.J_Dev Little tip from a Japanese speaker; "Saeko" is pronounced "Sah-eh-ko". "Say-ko" would be written in Romaji as "Seiko". Japanese is very phonetic. 5 vowels, and they always make the same 5 sounds: a = ah, e = eh, i = ee, o = oh, and u = oo.

 

[Bella Von Halen]

this game needs a i-patch

 

[drifter139]

this game needs a i-patch

no, it doesn't. you can literally just write how MC is related to the characters

 

[TsubameYui]

this game needs a i-patch

It's got customizable relations. I-patch would be redundant. The funny thing is that the variables for each girl's name and title use the incest titles. The variable for Vanessa's name is literally "momname", and for her title the variable is "mom". The variable for Deborah's name is "sister2".

 

[thocra]

IMO sufficient content for a first release and the start of an interesting story.

Maybe two tips for your renders (seems using DAZ and NVIDIA GTX/RTX):

Spoiler: Graining

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Spoiler: Camera distortions (fisheye effect)

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Good success on your further journey

 

[HarveyD]

The premise seems interesting enough, though none of them being skeptical at all seems strange. There's also a lot of holes in the cover story, and a lot of questions regarding the real story. You've also chosen a rather large number of women for your first ever story, so good luck with that.

And as someone with a sibling, do people really use "Sis" and "Bro" that much?

 

[2MoshPit]

Wasn't too bad, pretty decent overall. I'll go into spoilers for the rest, just wanted to mention some things that felt a little odd.

Spoiler

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Either way, that's all I had to say about it. I know it's your first time doing this and you're learning as you go, so won't get into the renders and the grammar stuff. The writing is decent enough, except for the above that I mentioned. Still, best of luck with your game and thanks.

- please remember:
this is a game - jeez! What's this all about everytime with the reality?!

please proofread your games, this was painful to read

- it's not that bad...I've seen / read worse (IMO).

best regards

 

[GustavoGanz]

1. I have no prior experience in coding or writing stories what so ever, I am learning this all as I go in creating this story.

DEV I wish you good luck with your first game.

I hope you are a fast learner. Because there are a lot of impatient people here.

 

[perkel666]

Looks cool. Wish you luck.

 

[UnDeaD_CyBorG]

This could end up being interesting.
Depends on the story, really. I think I'll wait a few months before forming an opinion.

 

[wrs_supernova]

Can't argue with you there, but I'm used to on the job training so hopefully it works

I'm actually used to learning and doing stuff on the fly.
As for the renders I'm still tweaking the render settings, since my pc isn't super high end

Don't listen to them. As it looks you're already not listening haha
A project is one of the best ways to learn coding, etc. Just don't take too big steps.
Good luck on your project!