- Sep 22, 2017
- 464
- 411
Your comparison to an mmo is flawed. The dynamics are completely different. In an mmo you have a character that you can see, move around, fight creatures, interact with other players ; these actions captivate a player's attention way more than the pointless clicking of your "minigame" (games are supposed to be fun, quick reminder).
Hi @mirenzo. I want to return the favor. You've played my game, so I wanted to try yours. This will be long wall of text and it will be critical, but I hope you'll get something useful out of it.
The intro
First I won't criticize your English, nobody's perfect and you can improve in time.
Second, I'm not fond of when characters talk to the player, it breaks immersion for me, but that's just personal preference, so no problem here.
The structure of the intro is bad in my opinion. You start with MC telling he's the MC, then the queen asks to skip the intro (why queen BTW, it could be said by MC), then you have the flashback and finished by returning to MC.
So what would I do differently. MC's name hasn't been mentioned doring the entire flashback, so we don't need to name him right away. So you can start with the flashback right away and then ask to name the player.
During the flashback you use two narrative types. One like it's happening right now, and one like the MC is telling us the story. Use only one way. If you decide to move naming MC after the flasback, tell the story like it's happening right now. Characters talk to each other, narrator (not MC) tells us that we are starwing etc.
If you keep the naming of MC at the start, then tell fleshback as a story. The whole sequence is told by MC to us. No mom says this, dad says that. Just MC talking to us.
After the flashback I would introduce the MC and name him.
MC shouldn't talk about revenge, esspecialy if he can do anything terrible for first 30 days.
The section when he talks to the queen (mother) shouldn't be skippable, because many important things is said there and everyone has to see it to understand the gameplay at the beginning. But more on that later.
MC is part of the tribe for 10 years now. Mother should speak like she's reminding him his duties, or find a reason, why he has this new duties right now.
That's more or less about the intro.
The conversations
Like I've said before, I won't talk about your English, but the way people talk to each other. Under any circumstances should people tell MC that he has to collect points, that's very immersion breaking. Nor they should explain the game mechanics. They should speak normally like two normal people talk with each other.
Let me give you example. Here's what you'he written:"Help them in their work, and you'll get Work points and Love points, depending on your ability, that will improve your relation status with them."
What I would wrote:"Help them with their work and they will start respecting you and even might start to like you."
Other problem is informatory lines. You try to put too many information into one line, so the sound more like encyclopedic entry then a sentence someone might say in real life.
For example one of your lines - MOM:"As world archery champion, I must attend the Olympic games"
What would I do - MOM:"I'm nervous about the tournament, honey."
- FATHER:"You'll crush them, you're the best archer I've ever seen"
- MOM:"But this isn't just some tournament, this is the Olympics"
And so on and so forth.
Explaining game mechanics
I've already mentined it, characters shouldn't talk about it in the game terms. What I mean is, they should say points, day parts etc. If you want to tell player, what they should do, the easiest thing to do is put ugly black frame over the screen and write, where you'll expalin everything. More sophisticated way would be some tutorial on the day screen (the creen, where you sellect activity) when you see it for the first time.
Game mechanics
In general very interesting idea with the points and how to collect them, so the core is solid as far as I've got. But here is the biggest problem - GRINDING. I played for over 25 minutes and I've got to day 17, Mind you that I've clicked on other thinks to see if anything happens, so I could probably to it a little bit faster. I've collected 244 Work points in that time and there's nothing do anything with it. So why so many points? I can collect 1 point per work and have the same effect.
What I miss is how many point do I have to get to start something. Let' say that I have to collect 500 points, then I'll be able to progress, but I don't know that, because it's mentioned nowhere.
Let's say you don't scale down the grinding. To keep players interested you have to reward them periodically. The easiest way is to add scripted events. Fo example every 5 days a scene with some of the Amazons happens. Some lesbian action or what ever. MC doesn't have to be part of the scene, but it will break the grinding into several pieces and it'll be more bearable.
I haven't got beyond the mining/cutting minigame, so I'll comment only about this. You should add some kind of a bar or timer that will tell player, how much time he has to click on the dot before it fails. Also the messages after every click should dissapear on it own. I mean you click on a dot, message pops up, but you can click on next dot instead. The message will dissapear in a second and player doesn't have to click on dots and the messages. THe minigame will be a lot faster because of it. Also position the message lower, so it doesn't cover the girls.
Also the girls in there are kind of pointless, because you have to focus on the dots and you don't have time to really appreciate them.
During my gameplay I haven't got any Social Points. I guess they are gained in another way, but since I wasn't told how to get them I was constantly thinking that I did something wrong.
Final thoughts
All and all I think that your game has potential, but it needs a lot of improvements. Out of all the problems I've mentioned the grinding is the most problematic. As a developer you know exactly what to do to gain as much poits as fast as possible and progress in the game quite fast. But you have to think as a player. We don't know your game, we want to explore all options. You present 21 clickable options at the day activity screen, but only two can be used at the start. Every player will try all of them to see if something will happen, and they will try it multiple time on different days and daytimes.
One last thought, the portraits should be clickable, not just the golden ring around their faces.
I hope you find this post interesting and you get something possitive out of it. Good luck with your game.
The intro
First I won't criticize your English, nobody's perfect and you can improve in time.
Second, I'm not fond of when characters talk to the player, it breaks immersion for me, but that's just personal preference, so no problem here.
The structure of the intro is bad in my opinion. You start with MC telling he's the MC, then the queen asks to skip the intro (why queen BTW, it could be said by MC), then you have the flashback and finished by returning to MC.
So what would I do differently. MC's name hasn't been mentioned doring the entire flashback, so we don't need to name him right away. So you can start with the flashback right away and then ask to name the player.
During the flashback you use two narrative types. One like it's happening right now, and one like the MC is telling us the story. Use only one way. If you decide to move naming MC after the flasback, tell the story like it's happening right now. Characters talk to each other, narrator (not MC) tells us that we are starwing etc.
If you keep the naming of MC at the start, then tell fleshback as a story. The whole sequence is told by MC to us. No mom says this, dad says that. Just MC talking to us.
After the flashback I would introduce the MC and name him.
MC shouldn't talk about revenge, esspecialy if he can do anything terrible for first 30 days.
The section when he talks to the queen (mother) shouldn't be skippable, because many important things is said there and everyone has to see it to understand the gameplay at the beginning. But more on that later.
MC is part of the tribe for 10 years now. Mother should speak like she's reminding him his duties, or find a reason, why he has this new duties right now.
That's more or less about the intro.
The conversations
Like I've said before, I won't talk about your English, but the way people talk to each other. Under any circumstances should people tell MC that he has to collect points, that's very immersion breaking. Nor they should explain the game mechanics. They should speak normally like two normal people talk with each other.
Let me give you example. Here's what you'he written:"Help them in their work, and you'll get Work points and Love points, depending on your ability, that will improve your relation status with them."
What I would wrote:"Help them with their work and they will start respecting you and even might start to like you."
Other problem is informatory lines. You try to put too many information into one line, so the sound more like encyclopedic entry then a sentence someone might say in real life.
For example one of your lines - MOM:"As world archery champion, I must attend the Olympic games"
What would I do - MOM:"I'm nervous about the tournament, honey."
- FATHER:"You'll crush them, you're the best archer I've ever seen"
- MOM:"But this isn't just some tournament, this is the Olympics"
And so on and so forth.
Explaining game mechanics
I've already mentined it, characters shouldn't talk about it in the game terms. What I mean is, they should say points, day parts etc. If you want to tell player, what they should do, the easiest thing to do is put ugly black frame over the screen and write, where you'll expalin everything. More sophisticated way would be some tutorial on the day screen (the creen, where you sellect activity) when you see it for the first time.
Game mechanics
In general very interesting idea with the points and how to collect them, so the core is solid as far as I've got. But here is the biggest problem - GRINDING. I played for over 25 minutes and I've got to day 17, Mind you that I've clicked on other thinks to see if anything happens, so I could probably to it a little bit faster. I've collected 244 Work points in that time and there's nothing do anything with it. So why so many points? I can collect 1 point per work and have the same effect.
What I miss is how many point do I have to get to start something. Let' say that I have to collect 500 points, then I'll be able to progress, but I don't know that, because it's mentioned nowhere.
Let's say you don't scale down the grinding. To keep players interested you have to reward them periodically. The easiest way is to add scripted events. Fo example every 5 days a scene with some of the Amazons happens. Some lesbian action or what ever. MC doesn't have to be part of the scene, but it will break the grinding into several pieces and it'll be more bearable.
I haven't got beyond the mining/cutting minigame, so I'll comment only about this. You should add some kind of a bar or timer that will tell player, how much time he has to click on the dot before it fails. Also the messages after every click should dissapear on it own. I mean you click on a dot, message pops up, but you can click on next dot instead. The message will dissapear in a second and player doesn't have to click on dots and the messages. THe minigame will be a lot faster because of it. Also position the message lower, so it doesn't cover the girls.
Also the girls in there are kind of pointless, because you have to focus on the dots and you don't have time to really appreciate them.
During my gameplay I haven't got any Social Points. I guess they are gained in another way, but since I wasn't told how to get them I was constantly thinking that I did something wrong.
Final thoughts
All and all I think that your game has potential, but it needs a lot of improvements. Out of all the problems I've mentioned the grinding is the most problematic. As a developer you know exactly what to do to gain as much poits as fast as possible and progress in the game quite fast. But you have to think as a player. We don't know your game, we want to explore all options. You present 21 clickable options at the day activity screen, but only two can be used at the start. Every player will try all of them to see if something will happen, and they will try it multiple time on different days and daytimes.
One last thought, the portraits should be clickable, not just the golden ring around their faces.
I hope you find this post interesting and you get something possitive out of it. Good luck with your game.
@
You don't get social points till after the first 30 days and you go to the nurses place.
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You don't get social points till after the first 30 days and you go to the nurses place.
- Nov 11, 2017
- 18
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It would be cool if the secret places after first finding them would be market on the map
- Jun 7, 2017
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Thank you @MikeMasters , thank you for your critics and for the time you spent trying my game. It's an honor for me you try my game. I'll take care of all your critics and do what i can to follow them. Next release will be more fast do exp and maybe if player want replay the first 30 days they will be more various and funny. Most of the rules are written on the first page of the book. Maybe i have to add first month players can't do Social points.
- Mar 3, 2018
- 657
- 1,967
@mirenzo I am not really sure its enough to better explain what player can't do during the first 30 days. You say you might increase the exp gain, which is a step in the right direction, but why not allow players to have a bit of interactions with the other inhabitants on the island as well?
If you wont allow players to have sex (or any kind of intimate actions) during the first 30 days, then you could swap that for the MC building up his reputation with the amazons instead. Yes, I am aware that the "work" you do for them is supposed to be how you get in their good graces, but simply working for someone and never actually interacting or talking with them, doesnt seem at all realistic in terms of improving your relations to them.
After all, after the 30 days, the amazons admit that they need the MC to continue their bloodlines, and why would they suddenly ask him to do that, if both sides still hates each other? Make the first 30 days time where you need to focus on building up your reputation, as well as your skills, and have that climax with the amazons rewarding you for your efforts after all your hard work for them.
When I did the grind for the first 30 days, I didnt at all feel satisfied by the request to impregnate the amazons, despite the fact that impregnation is one of my biggest fetishes, simply because it came out of the thin air, which no sort of build-up whatsoever.
Your current game literally goes from 0-100 in 30 seconds, and it breaks any and all kinds of immersion I could have with the game. Yes, you work for the amazons and get exp, but in real life, a girl who hates you would never suddenly allow you have sex with her, just because you did some work for her. Work is supposed to be a basis, a starting platform for the relationship, upon which you can then begin talking with the girl and getting to know her better, in order to make her like you more.
I know that games can't always be super realistic and I have no problem with using suspension of disbelief, but currently I find the storylines of porn to be more realistic than your story in its current form. If you are in doubt, ask someone from the forum or maybe a good friend if they have any input on how to improve the storyflow a little better.
Still wishing you luck with your game, and I hope to return some day, to see the ugly duckling turning into a beautiful swan.
- Jun 7, 2017
- 1,612
- 801
To be impregnate for the Amazons was a necessity not for love. In the real story of them, when they decided to be impregnate, they went to spend a few months in the nearby villages to be impregnated by anyone to perpetrate their species, the sons sent them back to their fathers and kept the females. This is why when they are impregnated by our MC they hide, they do not do it voluntarily but out of necessity. Voluntary relations with MC occur only after the first level of relationship. I know, first month is boring but what if i let you get 500 exppont and you can only spend 80 because only 2 girl are implemented? Next release i will give you the chance to skip all the minigames and lessons if you want, getting free points. 8 girl will be available to reach Not Bad level of relationship. I do not want players loose time grinding, there are more than 270 achievements to do but I need time to develop all those. Sorry my bad English.
- Sep 6, 2017
- 12
- 3
- Sep 22, 2017
- 464
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Common term used to mock people who don't speak English very well. Derived from the stereotypical accent of Asian people trying to say "English", popularised by South Park.
Now you know.
- Oct 29, 2016
- 191
- 337
I decided to play this , since i love the HS models and plug n play pee scenes , but i need to say that the graphics in this one really really sucked.. The models and scenes are like they are 5 years old ones.
So , after 10 minutes i did deleted it. Hope it gets better in next versions for the rest of you.
So , after 10 minutes i did deleted it. Hope it gets better in next versions for the rest of you.
- Mar 3, 2018
- 657
- 1,967
@mirenzo Alright, I see your point of logic behind your thought process, regarding the impregnation of the amazons, although I still dont agree that it was executed very well, but I won't press the matter.
Also, a couple of small points I would like to point out:
- In the intro scene where the player and mother are captured, why is the player the size of a cat? He is literally the size of a cat compared to the amazons.
- Why does the houses of the amazons look like 200 year old huts from the outside, but many looks like present-day houses on the inside. It doesnt make much sense to go into a straw hut, only to have it look like an appartment from downtown inside. It makes the artstyle seem very confused and indecisive.
- It doesn't bother me that the player breaks the 4'th wall (talking to us, the ones playing the game), but why do the amazons have to do it as well? I can't recall seeing another adult game where the NPC's actually offer me "XP" and "Points" as a reward. Yes, the xp and points are the reward, but the NPC shouldn't be aware of that, since he/she shouldn't know that they are in a game.
- Why do we have the girls who strips/masturbates when we play the minigames? It seems pretty out of place, like a random idea that was just tossed in there for the heck of it. Should you insist on keeping them there, I would like to make 2 small suggestions: 1: If you have a naked girl which you want player to look at, don't cover them up with a huge button half the time (just get rid of that button, it would make the minigames much faster as well, which would make players much happier as well). 2: If you want to players to play your minigame for 30-60 minutes, before they can do anything else with a girl, then dont use girls which arent even available in the game itself, since it will be teasing players with something they won't be able to get.
Best of luck.
Yes, this is very much a grind. A grind is defined as doing something tedious (boring/not interesting/fun), for an extended period of time. Also, the 5 clicks in reality is 10, as you have to click the big button in the middle after each click, effectively doubling the number of clicks needed.
This is not really much of a thing to point out. Most other games I play have only 1 or 2 girls implemented as well, and if I wanted to, I could easily grind 10 times as much exp with them as I would need for their current options, but what is the point of that? Those points dont help in this version, so why would I be happy to work a lot to gain them?
Also, a couple of small points I would like to point out:
- In the intro scene where the player and mother are captured, why is the player the size of a cat? He is literally the size of a cat compared to the amazons.
- Why does the houses of the amazons look like 200 year old huts from the outside, but many looks like present-day houses on the inside. It doesnt make much sense to go into a straw hut, only to have it look like an appartment from downtown inside. It makes the artstyle seem very confused and indecisive.
- It doesn't bother me that the player breaks the 4'th wall (talking to us, the ones playing the game), but why do the amazons have to do it as well? I can't recall seeing another adult game where the NPC's actually offer me "XP" and "Points" as a reward. Yes, the xp and points are the reward, but the NPC shouldn't be aware of that, since he/she shouldn't know that they are in a game.
- Why do we have the girls who strips/masturbates when we play the minigames? It seems pretty out of place, like a random idea that was just tossed in there for the heck of it. Should you insist on keeping them there, I would like to make 2 small suggestions: 1: If you have a naked girl which you want player to look at, don't cover them up with a huge button half the time (just get rid of that button, it would make the minigames much faster as well, which would make players much happier as well). 2: If you want to players to play your minigame for 30-60 minutes, before they can do anything else with a girl, then dont use girls which arent even available in the game itself, since it will be teasing players with something they won't be able to get.
Best of luck.
- May 24, 2017
- 47
- 15
Version 0.2 seems to be out and supposedly minigames can be skipped... well then, will give it another chance.