- Jun 21, 2022
- 2,775
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- Dec 30, 2021
- 134
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Personal opinion of course but... she looks way better with the cyborg jaw.
- Nov 21, 2022
- 703
- 2,757
must agree with you, there's something about the exposed cybernetics that give her a unique look... but i'm satisfied with a fully human artemis too.
I don't know why I am doing this. I should probably write "awesome game, good job, 10/10".
But there is a problem. I think this developer is really promising, and there is a good chance that he can be really big. IF. If there is will to work on some easily fixable areas.
This is one of the posts which will probably come across as whining, even though I think this is a good game among AVNs as is. But for some reason all I see is that this developer has real potential, let's encourage maybe a step forward?
Some examples on what could be improved with a bit of planning and consulting a creative writing college student.
1: trimming the fat
What is written and makes it into the game should always serve a purpose. If that scene or location doesn't serve a purpose, nothing important happens, it is just time and talent wasted. (possibly also money, if it requires buying assets)
A good example for this is the sorority in the game. The PC could meet most of the girls as colleagues while working for Reina, already knows June, Cassandra and Kindra. Is the sorority in the game because an AVn should have one? Isn't a nice office to meet the girls enough? In my opinion the early game would be much improved if the PC was hired by Reina instead of Kindra (easier access to all main girls).
Every developer can go through the draft with the sole aim of trimming the fat. Do I need this location and buy the assets? Can something else stand in for it? Are these two characters necessary, doing the same stuff (or, often, standing idle!), or should I merge them instead? (even pros struggle with this. Reacher season 2 has Frances Neagley and Karla Dixon, who should have been merged. If these were merged the resulting character would be a competent person. As is, they do nothing most of the time, and the writers struggled to find things for them to do)
2: foreshadowing
This is difficult to verbalize for a non native english speaker
Basically if you throw awesome moments without a proper foreshadowing, the players will not really be an awe. More likely "cool, I guess". A good example in the game is the walk around the Batcave with Kindra.
This is not easy to pull off, not at all. Many good writers struggle with it. If it is too obvious, the players will figure out future events, so it doesn't work. If it is super hidden, the payoff will come out of the blue, and will feel like a deus ex machina.
Well, yup, it is difficult for me. Critical drinker's "setup and payoff" to the rescue. Don'T mind it is for movies, it is true for writing and games too.
3: challenge, failiure
It is very difficult to root for characters who do not struggle. It's just basic human nature.
The most popular character arc is encountering some kind of challenge, which actually seems impossible to defeat for the protagonist. Improvement, change is needed, which leads to struggles, failiure (!), setbacks. Digesting these failiures lead to a new understanding, where the protagonist (with, maybe the help of a mentor) can finally overcome the challenge. Very important: doing ones best and failing does _not_ make a character weak, it is a tool to make personal growth beliveable. If there is no challenge, no fail, then there is no growth either! The characters starts awesome and ends awesome, basically nothing happens (only that I hate the guy already).
In game: protagonist has 30 bucks, not place to stay, no job. Everyone was young starting up his career, living in shithole apartments rented with three friends, working two jobs to pay the bills, so this is easy to relate. Looking forward to how the protagonist overcomes this! Oh, he gets 1500€, a place to stay, a car to use, his dream job, and about eight sexy women who fully support him in his struggles for some reason. In a week! That's convenient!
4: Mary Sue. wikipedia instert
"A Mary Sue is a character archetype in fiction, usually a young woman, who is often portrayed as inexplicably competent across all domains, gifted with unique talents or powers, liked or respected by most other characters, unrealistically free of weaknesses, extremely attractive, innately virtuous, and/or generally lacking meaningful character flaws"
I'm sorry but this is Kindra, like, literally. It is also the main reason why I found everyone else more interesting, despite Kindra being so central to the game.
(to be fair, there are many interesting characters in the game! To me Reina, Zelda and Naomi are superb. They key to me seems to be that they are very strong in certain areas, but vulnerable in others, which is a nice dynamic. This is really missing with Kindra)
I wanted to write these basic examples because these are easy to improve. Just a short writing course. Every writing teacher there is will say, that if one knows the basics, fuck off and start writing. The first 10000 pages will be shit, but afterwards you will see improvement.
But the key is to know the very basics. Maybe not even a full course is needed, just sending over the draft to a creative writing major (the ones I knew in college would read through it for a six pack), and discuss the problems she found over a few drinks.
I'm not sure if this will come across as whining. But I wanted to write these up, because I really think that the dev is talented.
#gets ready for flak
#good intentions
But there is a problem. I think this developer is really promising, and there is a good chance that he can be really big. IF. If there is will to work on some easily fixable areas.
This is one of the posts which will probably come across as whining, even though I think this is a good game among AVNs as is. But for some reason all I see is that this developer has real potential, let's encourage maybe a step forward?
Some examples on what could be improved with a bit of planning and consulting a creative writing college student.
1: trimming the fat
What is written and makes it into the game should always serve a purpose. If that scene or location doesn't serve a purpose, nothing important happens, it is just time and talent wasted. (possibly also money, if it requires buying assets)
A good example for this is the sorority in the game. The PC could meet most of the girls as colleagues while working for Reina, already knows June, Cassandra and Kindra. Is the sorority in the game because an AVn should have one? Isn't a nice office to meet the girls enough? In my opinion the early game would be much improved if the PC was hired by Reina instead of Kindra (easier access to all main girls).
Every developer can go through the draft with the sole aim of trimming the fat. Do I need this location and buy the assets? Can something else stand in for it? Are these two characters necessary, doing the same stuff (or, often, standing idle!), or should I merge them instead? (even pros struggle with this. Reacher season 2 has Frances Neagley and Karla Dixon, who should have been merged. If these were merged the resulting character would be a competent person. As is, they do nothing most of the time, and the writers struggled to find things for them to do)
2: foreshadowing
This is difficult to verbalize for a non native english speaker
Basically if you throw awesome moments without a proper foreshadowing, the players will not really be an awe. More likely "cool, I guess". A good example in the game is the walk around the Batcave with Kindra.This is not easy to pull off, not at all. Many good writers struggle with it. If it is too obvious, the players will figure out future events, so it doesn't work. If it is super hidden, the payoff will come out of the blue, and will feel like a deus ex machina.
Well, yup, it is difficult for me. Critical drinker's "setup and payoff" to the rescue. Don'T mind it is for movies, it is true for writing and games too.
You must be registered to see the links
3: challenge, failiure
It is very difficult to root for characters who do not struggle. It's just basic human nature.
The most popular character arc is encountering some kind of challenge, which actually seems impossible to defeat for the protagonist. Improvement, change is needed, which leads to struggles, failiure (!), setbacks. Digesting these failiures lead to a new understanding, where the protagonist (with, maybe the help of a mentor) can finally overcome the challenge. Very important: doing ones best and failing does _not_ make a character weak, it is a tool to make personal growth beliveable. If there is no challenge, no fail, then there is no growth either! The characters starts awesome and ends awesome, basically nothing happens (only that I hate the guy already).
In game: protagonist has 30 bucks, not place to stay, no job. Everyone was young starting up his career, living in shithole apartments rented with three friends, working two jobs to pay the bills, so this is easy to relate. Looking forward to how the protagonist overcomes this! Oh, he gets 1500€, a place to stay, a car to use, his dream job, and about eight sexy women who fully support him in his struggles for some reason. In a week! That's convenient!
4: Mary Sue. wikipedia instert
"A Mary Sue is a character archetype in fiction, usually a young woman, who is often portrayed as inexplicably competent across all domains, gifted with unique talents or powers, liked or respected by most other characters, unrealistically free of weaknesses, extremely attractive, innately virtuous, and/or generally lacking meaningful character flaws"
I'm sorry but this is Kindra, like, literally. It is also the main reason why I found everyone else more interesting, despite Kindra being so central to the game.
(to be fair, there are many interesting characters in the game! To me Reina, Zelda and Naomi are superb. They key to me seems to be that they are very strong in certain areas, but vulnerable in others, which is a nice dynamic. This is really missing with Kindra)
I wanted to write these basic examples because these are easy to improve. Just a short writing course. Every writing teacher there is will say, that if one knows the basics, fuck off and start writing. The first 10000 pages will be shit, but afterwards you will see improvement.
But the key is to know the very basics. Maybe not even a full course is needed, just sending over the draft to a creative writing major (the ones I knew in college would read through it for a six pack), and discuss the problems she found over a few drinks.
I'm not sure if this will come across as whining. But I wanted to write these up, because I really think that the dev is talented.
#gets ready for flak
#good intentions
- May 30, 2020
- 89
- 284
I’m struggling to understand how someone playing through this game could come to the conclusion that Kindra is “competent across all domains” and “unrealistically free of weaknesses”.
--Unrealistically Free of Weaknesses
Even just taking the latest update, we see Kindra utterly overwhelmed with stress, anxiety, and doubts. She by her own admission is “not fit to run a company”, the inevitable consequence we end up seeing at the press conference. Aside from her stresses over starting up her parent’s business again, she is also an impulsive and fairly temperamental person.
-Inexplicably Competent Across All Domains
As far as her being competent across all domains, it is true she is a very intelligent girl, no doubt about it. In addition, she’s also particularly talented at engineering, and as evidenced by her career as a DJ, she’s quite skilled in music. All that said, are her competencies inexplicable and across all domains? To that, I’d say no. First the inexplicable part, she is the only child of two of the leading scientists and inventors of new technologies in the world at the time. More than that she had, bullying aside, the chance at as least as good of an education as the mc had.
Now, saying she is inexplicably competent across ALL domains is silly. She herself says she’s more of a mechanical engineer than a programmer. Hence being unable to complete Artemis herself, and needing the MC's help. Further, when Koko is taken down and needs to be fixed up, she’s utterly lost and helpless. It isn’t until someone else skilled in chemistry is brought in that the problem starts getting resolved. Those are just two of the more obvious examples we’ve seen so far. Some other prominent examples were mentioned previously, mostly related to business and public speaking.
Ultimately though, imo, it is Kindra's weaknesses more than her strengths that define her character's place in the story up til now. Will she grow as a character and overcome them? Who knows, but I'm excited to keep reading and playing to find out.
#providing the flak
#good intentions
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- Oct 10, 2022
- 4,349
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- Nov 21, 2022
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- 2,757
- May 11, 2020
- 8,610
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Usually you need the next lower ver number, 5.0 in this case, I would recomend the 'mpressd full version if you want to save bandwith.
- Jul 10, 2017
- 21,165
- 25,947
Let the games ... Begin! What be these humans up to while I cool my circuits?
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Last edited:
- Jan 18, 2022
- 954
- 6,284
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Happy New Week!
This week I did more code and dialogue edits. I also did more mockups for Artemis' discernment protocol. The icons being used in particular. I wanted to avoid using colors that some might associate as bad/good (red, blue or black,white, etc.). For those new, I didn't want anyone to get the impression that making firm decisions with Artemis will make her evil/bad. Having a high firm stat just means she'll make the 'tougher' choice when confronted in key situations. And vice versa. I want to give the icons and the note that pops up in CH5 a review, so the mechanic is clear. I'm also taking feedback from CH5 and crafting better scenarios that would raise Artemis' firm protocol.
I'm happy you guys enjoyed the Valentine's render of Artemis. It was a fun one to do learning more with Blender. Adjustments need to be made with textures, but once you dial it in. You wouldn't know the difference. However, her eye scar and arm didn't have her trademark appearance because HD meshes were giving me issues on the import, and didn't want to spend more time trying to fix it. Since this was a special render. Appearance changes can be a big deal and her exposed parts were always going to be patched up bit by bit as the story continues. First was her neck and shoulder, and next will be her jaw. But for the remainder of the story, until the epilogue. She'll continue to have her blue arm and the scar on her eye (the digital marking).
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Thanks again, everyone, and I wish you a great week!
- digi.B
- Nov 21, 2022
- 703
- 2,757
Nice to know some of her cybernetics will remain exposed untill the end of the story.
- Apr 25, 2022
- 1,504
- 4,978
I mean, I get pretty irritated by Mary Sue characters too but Kindra is definitely not a Mary Sue. Off the top of my head, I can think of three instances where she showed very notable weaknesses.
- She literally tried to pet a wild bear cub. That naivety and ignorance nearly got her killed
- She tends to make hasty decisions without considering consequences when she's emotional as shown by how she was ready to go into full production without proper testing the moment June presented a theory. Aiden and June had to rein her in. In that scene she also showed the she was willing to get coached which is also not characteristic of Mary Sue characters. Mary Sues don't need to ever be corrected.
- She puked on live television when getting pressed by an aggressive reporter
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- Dec 31, 2019
- 10
- 2,241
Whatever, man, you ruined Artemis for me.
You must be registered to see the links
Happy New Week!
This week I did more code and dialogue edits. I also did more mockups for Artemis' discernment protocol. The icons being used in particular. I wanted to avoid using colors that some might associate as bad/good (red, blue or black,white, etc.). For those new, I didn't want anyone to get the impression that making firm decisions with Artemis will make her evil/bad. Having a high firm stat just means she'll make the 'tougher' choice when confronted in key situations. And vice versa. I want to give the icons and the note that pops up in CH5 a review, so the mechanic is clear. I'm also taking feedback from CH5 and crafting better scenarios that would raise Artemis' firm protocol.
I'm happy you guys enjoyed the Valentine's render of Artemis. It was a fun one to do learning more with Blender. Adjustments need to be made with textures, but once you dial it in. You wouldn't know the difference. However, her eye scar and arm didn't have her trademark appearance because HD meshes were giving me issues on the import, and didn't want to spend more time trying to fix it. Since this was a special render. Appearance changes can be a big deal and her exposed parts were always going to be patched up bit by bit as the story continues. First was her neck and shoulder, and next will be her jaw. But for the remainder of the story, until the epilogue. She'll continue to have her blue arm and the scar on her eye (the digital marking).
The shirts were brought up on Discord earlier this week. I apologize for the lack of news on that. I've set it aside these last few weeks. The storefront is barebones and I'm pretty deep in development, so I don't have much free time to make it pretty. But March is the anniversary for Artemis, so I plan on making the link live then. A handful of you have been asking for these for more than a year and I apologize for the wait.You don't have permission to view the spoiler content. Log in or register now.
Thanks again, everyone, and I wish you a great week!
- digi.B
- Nov 27, 2021
- 1,212
- 1,945
Time for Digi to get yet another 4090 and render two versions of every Artemis scene
TBH, MC is more likely to be a Gary Stue. Pumped body, good face, genius in AI, loved by women, respected by men, learned in martial arts, sharpshooter, expert driver. He even masterd 1v1 basket ball while not even knowing the basics 2 minutes prior.
But, that's kind of the genre in erotic VN. And in Artemis, the whole setting is tech valley full of beautifull, wealthy and intelligent people. It mostly avoid the cringe ( *I buy two unique car with my first salary and give you one* made me snort). I'm thanksfull.
But, that's kind of the genre in erotic VN. And in Artemis, the whole setting is tech valley full of beautifull, wealthy and intelligent people. It mostly avoid the cringe ( *I buy two unique car with my first salary and give you one* made me snort). I'm thanksfull.
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funniest part of that is he was wearing expensive jordans
although maybe the dev doesn't realize they're jordans