Right so, I was running into that classic episode 9 crash on a new playthrough, the one where it just quits out when Jacob talks right after the Zoey section.
Every post noted that it's clearly a walkthrough mod crash, the only issue here is that both S1/2 and S3 are fresh installs, and I only ever play with URM and not walkthroughs as I can't stand having to wait for them to get updated.
The save I was importing was also a fresh save ON a fresh install, with only URM on it.
That being said, I literally had to download and install a walkthrough mod in order to get it to work for some reason.
Weirdest fucking bug I have ever encountered, the only thing I can think of is that either the game somehow flags for unnatural changes in code or the OG S1/S2 download has some remnant of a walkthrough mod in it. Figured I'd drop this here in case anyone else runs into the same issue I did despite never having used a walkthrough mod.